I threw...
No I didn't throw anything away instead I threw everything but the kitchen sink at it. At what? Infertility of course. What have I thrown?
My heart
My hope
My body
More money then I'd know what to do with on any other given day
I've thrown innocence
Patience
Understanding
Compassion
LOVE... oh how much love I've thrown... I keep reminding myself, i didn't through it away, i invested it
I've thrown knowledge
Science
Strangers
Strategy
Approach
Frame of mind
a little more hope and a lot more love
I've thrown dreams and aspirations
Imagination and time.... so so much time.
I have invested everything, sometimes twice, many things more.... what next?
Throwing is exhausting with so little in return.
It's hard not to be in this place when my brains are floating in snot and I'm exhausted from spreading myself so thin. I invest so much of myself into so many things and so many people. I keep telling myself it's worth it. It's all worth it. I keep getting hurt and disappointed.
I need some return on my investments. Not the kind of return that i have to go looking for, but the big-ass kind that hits you upside the head out of no where and as you pick yourself up in anger, your frown turns to an incredible grin as you realize you've just won the lottery... that's what I could go for.... someone else to read my mind for a change and get it right.
I don't want this list to ever become the list of things I threw away for a dream that never came true... that is something I just could not bare.... it has to be worth it.... somewhere down the line it has to be worth it.
Then the question begs to be asked... has it not been worth it up until this point?
I want to say yes... it must be yes... it's been worth it right? If we hadn't done all this where would we be? Would we be happy? Still married?
There are so many things I would have never known... both good and bad. I have to remind myself.... without the lows I would not know such highs!
I think it's safe to say it's been worth it because we still have hope that it will work out... if it doesn't work out... well, I don't know if it was worth it.... I really don't. I thought I did, but something changed.
Time to put the call out for my happy place, seems it's not where I left it and I could really use it right now.
D
No I didn't throw anything away instead I threw everything but the kitchen sink at it. At what? Infertility of course. What have I thrown?
My heart
My hope
My body
More money then I'd know what to do with on any other given day
I've thrown innocence
Patience
Understanding
Compassion
LOVE... oh how much love I've thrown... I keep reminding myself, i didn't through it away, i invested it
I've thrown knowledge
Science
Strangers
Strategy
Approach
Frame of mind
a little more hope and a lot more love
I've thrown dreams and aspirations
Imagination and time.... so so much time.
I have invested everything, sometimes twice, many things more.... what next?
Throwing is exhausting with so little in return.
It's hard not to be in this place when my brains are floating in snot and I'm exhausted from spreading myself so thin. I invest so much of myself into so many things and so many people. I keep telling myself it's worth it. It's all worth it. I keep getting hurt and disappointed.
I need some return on my investments. Not the kind of return that i have to go looking for, but the big-ass kind that hits you upside the head out of no where and as you pick yourself up in anger, your frown turns to an incredible grin as you realize you've just won the lottery... that's what I could go for.... someone else to read my mind for a change and get it right.
I don't want this list to ever become the list of things I threw away for a dream that never came true... that is something I just could not bare.... it has to be worth it.... somewhere down the line it has to be worth it.
Then the question begs to be asked... has it not been worth it up until this point?
I want to say yes... it must be yes... it's been worth it right? If we hadn't done all this where would we be? Would we be happy? Still married?
There are so many things I would have never known... both good and bad. I have to remind myself.... without the lows I would not know such highs!
I think it's safe to say it's been worth it because we still have hope that it will work out... if it doesn't work out... well, I don't know if it was worth it.... I really don't. I thought I did, but something changed.
Time to put the call out for my happy place, seems it's not where I left it and I could really use it right now.
D