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Three months after...

Posted by Myrtle , 17 February 2014 · 2663 views

ivf end unsuccessful infertility secondaryinfertility
It's been a few months now since I've been done with IVFs and I'm still around here a little bit.  I just feel like updating.  So to recap, we spent 5 years ttc our second child, 3 years doing IUI and IVF.  All attempts were unsuccessful.  So how do I feel now?  Not that bad, honestly.
During my last IVF in the Fall, I started looking for work.  I now have two part-time jobs that are flexible, and I am really happy with them.  Okay, as happy as you can be with work, I mean, it is work after all.  I am so so appreciative of the one son that I do have.  I feel extremely blessed that I get to have this biological child, this mix of my husband and myself in my life.  I told my parents about the IVFs and our struggles during our last IVF, and they were really nice about it.  I was surprised.  I don't know what I expected but they were very supportive and it was nice.  
I am 30 pounds more than I was when we started AR.  I know it will take a little while to get this weight off.  My house is also more cluttered and messy.  I feel like these things are somehow related with my personal struggle with infertility and how it makes me feel.  I have not completely given up hope that somehow I might naturally get pregnant, but I am not focused on it like I was.  It is not a source of anxiety and depression like it was.  I don't cry when I get my period.  It's just so much easier now.  
I do think about adoption and that still might be in the cards for us.  My husband also is 30 pounds more than at the beginning of AR.  We are both trying to get back into shape.  He has had a few times where he has really put himself into his work to the point where I feel like he is pulling away from me- or needs a break.  We heal differently from this.  I feel our relationship is stronger than when we went in, but also sort of in a fragile period right now.  Like we both just really need attention from each other.  
All in all, I'm doing okay.  I feel hopeful for the future and look forward to spending it with the little family I already have.  

  • MB., Red Wine, Butterfli and 4 others like this

I'm happy to hear you are doing well and accepting your little family. You sound at peace with your decision.

I'm happy for you. Keep going!
amazing grace
Feb 18 2014 07:46 PM

I am so glad to hear that you are happy. Take life one day at a time and enjoy all the moments with your family!

Not much to add, it seems you've already started healing.  Work can be a huge help with healing as it bring you more gols.  Without having a great job, I don't know how I would have been able to live all these years of infertility without a depression.

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