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Am I taking a break?

Posted by Myrtle , 11 December 2012 · 1376 views

break spouse ttc ivf taking a break
After our second failed IVF, my husband and I agreed to take a break. I wanted nothing to do with IVF right away, and neither did he. We tentatively signed up for our 3rd and final ivf in April of 2013, which I wanted to push to later, almost right away. He just wants to get it over with.

I had asked my RE at our WTF appointment for further testing on immune issues. She gave me the standard blood test for recurring losses, which I haven't had before, and a tentative referral to a reproductive immunologist in Toronto (a 7 hour drive for us). She also recommended not getting PGD done again this time.

Then I was chatting over the computer with Greg(my husband)'s sister. She, of all things, is training to be genetic counselor in California . She even tried to get an internship at our clinic at McGill, but there were no spots when she was looking. She told me to not get PGD done was stupid. She also didn't understand why we didn't have the full chromosome test and that to only test for some didn't make sense. If we were going to test the embryos, why not test for all. As far as I understand it, our hospital told us, that they didn't have the machine to do the whole test, but my sister-in-law says it is scientists that do the chromosome counting, not a machine.

So...I mentioned this, and another woman I know, who has also been not only through IVF, but also been to more than one clinic in my city, says that one of the other clinics DOES do this full test. She knows someone who went there and got it done.

This weekend I realized that I need to get these blood tests done first, because I want them already done before I go to the doc in Toronto. The blood test has a 2nd part, where I have to come back in, in 8 weeks. I was getting ready yesterday to go, and I was struck down by a migraine. I was not really looking forward to going, but kind of wanting to get it out of the way.

I will be bringing my four year old son with me, which makes it a little weird for me. I have tried very hard to protect him from any of this infertility stuff. I know he doesn't understand much or care about me going to the doctor much yet, as I rarely ever seem sick before I need to go to a doctor. I was thinking about all the ways I could make going to the hospital fun for him, and yet, I realize, I don't like going there. I don't have fun there. I'm not sure I can really wrap my mind around actually making it a fun experience.

I did not tell my husband about my attempted trip yesterday for the blood test. Now I feel weird about it. This is a test that he knows about, but when I mentioned how we will need to go to Toronto at some point, maybe in like February or March, to see the doctor there, he was very much against planning it now, He said, "We are taking a break now, right? No tests, no hospitals, no doctors. A break."

Now, I feel weird. I am not really taking a full on break, then, am I. There are 8 weeks between this blood test and the next, so I did just want to get it started. Now I actually just read that the migraine medicine I took yesterday, Maxalt, was a blood thinner. How ironic that one of my blood tests is for blood clotting disorder. Okay, so now I need to make sure that medicine is completely out of my system before the blood test. Jeez.

I am just having a hard time not thinking about ttc and wanting to do something about it. I am getting better at not talking about it with my husband. As just bringing up anything to do with it seems to stress him out. I am worried that not telling him things is going to make a rift between us. There's plenty of things we don't tell people every day, mostly because we don't want to bore them, or realize they are just plain not interested. This does not feel the same at all. Though, I don't know, it feels important to me, at the time, but maybe it is not important that he know, blow by blow, how I am feeling about ttc, or what happened to some woman on her 3rd ivf, because I just spent an hour and half reading her blog.

I don't want to feel like I am keeping secrets or hiding stuff, but at the same time, too much is too much. There's times where I truly don't want to hear any more about his work, or other people's work, in fact, when I was working, I talked a darn lot about my work too. Ah well, now I have figure out how long it takes this Maxalt to get out of my system and plan accordingly.

...Just to give you a heads up that your immunologist in Toronto (Dr Laskin) will redo all of your blood tests as he doesn't believe in any those test results done by other labs!! I had done those tests 3 times - yes you read it right - three times and still he redid the whole panel!
    • Myrtle likes this

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