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Not practicing what I preach

Posted by tjluvbug , 25 October 2011 · 1262 views

Today is 7dp5dt and my positivity is starting to waver. The first week I was feeling great, I had a level of optimism that could best be described as "I'm on top of the world". Today, not so much. I have no reason for my sudden pessimism other than fear. Fear that this hasn't worked AGAIN. I have resigned myself to not poas until the weekend, this is a promise I've made to DH because he worries that if I test too soon that I'll be disappointed and the stress of the BFN will cause harm to a maybe baby. He's so rational.

AF is due on Thursday and I know that the 300mg progesterone I am taking MAY keep her away but since I spotted last time on 200mg I wonder if she'll show up anyway regardless of my progesterone dosage. I think I'll still take it as a good sign if I make it to Friday with no symptoms but who knows. I can't seem to be stable in anything these days least of all my own thinking. For anyone reading this post you may be thinking at this point boy this girl is nuts but I attribute it all to the hormones and just wanting a family so darn much.

As for physical well being I'm feeling all sorts of symptoms since 2dp5dt. It all started with twinges, pulls, and AF like cramps but much milder. This disappeared for day 3 but by late day 4 they came back but much less frequent. I have tender breasts, nausea whenever I'm hungry, very vivid dreams, and sleep orgasms (pretty good in any other circumstance but not so good when your trying to make a little bean implant). Now I could attribute most of these symptoms to the progesterone but I didn't have any of them until after the transfer. Could it be the 5 days before transfer wasn't long enough to start causing side effects or maybe something else really is going on in there. I don't really expect to get any answers to this question other than a pregnancy test but it just feels better getting the questions out rather than bouncing around in my head continuously.

With regards to how to try and stay sane through this process I know all the Cognitive Behavioural techniques for distraction, changing unhelpful or negative thinking, doing a positive or healthy behaviour, or practicing a relaxation exercise, yet I don't seem to do any of these things to help myself. When I ask my clients why they didn't do their homework I often get "I don't know" and I can honestly say I don't know why I'm not doing it either. So here is a commitment to myself. Tomorrow I am going to make an effort to practice my relaxation and mindfulness exercises to promote positivity and a sense of peace. I am going to stop my thoughts when I think about "what if its negative" and I'm going to call my good friend whom I haven't spoken to in a while. I will start practicing what I preach.

Hopefully the next post I do will be a BFP and a photo of the HPT!




Good luck!! And we want to hear how that exercise goes! ;)
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nextchapter
Oct 26 2011 03:50 PM
FX! IF is an emotional rollercoaster as i'm finding out..hope to hear good news!
I can't even imagine what kind of advice would be helpful here. But stay positive, call your friends, and maybe try a date night with the hubby? An adult, no baby talk night just for adults. Good luck, hoping to hear good news!!

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