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Biting my tongue during the holidays

Posted by nextchapter , 14 December 2011 · 1030 views

The holiday season is in full effect and next week I will be seeing and staying with the in-laws. I usually enjoy my time there but the MIL has secret tactics to extract information from me or DH and it's oh soo hard not to say anything. My MIL often judges people and judges us A LOT! She is highly passive aggressive and gets snarky after a few days we are there.

DH has already told me that MIL has asked, "This is your last time right?" meaning this is our last time to try to have a baby. WTF????????? How dare she say that to me (indirectly). DH and I will do WHATEVER the F* it takes to have a family and we will sacrifice our social life, our home and food to have a child. It gets me soo irked what she thinks we should do. When we visit her she tries to corner us alone and starts the attack. I bite my tongue the whole time because anything I say can be construed in a negative way.

From the periphery I can analyze my MIL and understand that she is the way she is because she is soo fearful. Then I ask myself, "Why does she think this should be the last time we try for a baby?" and it always goes down to money with her. So she must be afraid we go into bankruptcy. Well, we already have gone through that before we did IVF so I can see how she's worried we will go down that slippery slope but there is no reason when talking to her. So I end up not talking to her and letting DH deal with it. He deals with it by just telling them what we are going to do and leave it at that.

She tells us to live life and I think, the life we want to live is one where we have a child so we will sacrifice to get that. I'm still young- I have 9+ years of fertility and I can't see me not having a child within 9 years.

She sent me an email telling me she got our xmas card and how excited she is to have us and I emailed her back a very nice email. In it I expressed how happy I am she is supporting us during our IVF procedures (because we told them about it and I mentioned that phrase of "supporting us" when we were going through it) and that I hope she continues to support every and ALL decisions we make to have a family. So I'm trying to be pro-active here and not RE-act to her. I hope this works and it doesn't blow up in my face when we are there b/c heavens knows she can re-interpret that as something negative.

Wish me luck that our holidays won't be stressful and that MIL will keep her trap shut!

Rae & Dwayne
Dec 15 2011 01:12 PM
Awww our girl, almost wanna throw her into a frozen lake huh? Are we related?? maybe dealing with the same MIL? ;) Our's is the same. Best save your dough for your bills and more bills later right?? Why are we doing this to ourselves, Why don't we just stop?!.. Well girl, only us on this website and those that dearly love us know why we are here... and why we won't stop till we get there. Don't spend negative energy on negative Nelly.. Stay positive so you may get your positive... when we do.. They will see how hard we tried and for what miracle was worth all our strength, money and our energy,, and all we do, hear and put up with will be all worth it!!
That sucks she's like that...sometimes it's almost easier to just nod in agreement with her and then you and dh do your own thing anyways. I have learned to do that with my mother over the years...I just nod and say ok and then do what I want to do, but I know it can be difficult...I hope she can be more supportive of you both.
Dec 15 2011 07:28 PM
Thanks jaan
My DH does just nod and do his own thing, I do too..hence biting my tongue but then I take out on DH and complain and ask why don't you stick up for us..blah blah blah..but I know it's easier to nod and smile.
Let's hope this xmas isn't all about my inability to conceive..and the money we don't have to make a miracle happen..
I love your email message to MIL and I hope she does realize that it's your choice. I hope you and DH enjoy the holiday season! Good luck!

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