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How could this happen...Throw me a bone!!!

Posted by Tanyamaree , 12 March 2013 · 1745 views

Feb 4th Sperm test all good
 
March 11 retrieval went ok, scared, i cried , pain sucked....
Sperm done same day - no obility
2nd sperm done same day - no mobility
proceedure (free testicle extract sperm) nothing
proceedure cut testicle and take sperm - found sperm but all dead..
 
Dr said he is not sure why this happened.......
 
Frozen my 12 ish good eggs and cancle cycle to do blood work on DH and repeat sperm for next few months till we can figure some reason as to why this happen
 
In hinsight (spelling?) i wish we froze last sperm for the 250$ sooo worth it i almost recommend it now...as a back up for anyone....
 
not sure how to feel im a zombie trying not to take it out on him, who is now at home in soo much pain and he said its worth it bc we tried but im sure hes beating him self up inside!!!!hes missed work, lost money and for me tons of time off (used banked but still) and so exhausted.
I was at the clinic 6 out of 8 days driveing from red deer to calgary up at 430 im mentally exhausted, physically sore from ER and so beyond confused at life that i just want answers for why i deserve this EXTRA struggle.......
 
i dont know what to do , where to go
 
we kept this cycle from our familys so i cant talk to my sisters (not that they fully understand anyways)
 
 




I'm so sorry, that's so awful.  I guess the good news is you were able to freeze your eggs, so hoping they can figure things out with your DH and that you can move forward towards a transfer in a couple of months.

    • allcriedout likes this

I am sorry to read this.  It must be very stressful for both of you.  Sending hugs

So sorry !!!  How stressful and upsetting.  Hoping things get figured out and you can have a transfer soon.

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CathySchwenning
Mar 12 2013 03:35 PM

My thoughts are with you and your hubby. 

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allcriedout
Mar 12 2013 04:15 PM

Oh Hunny, 

 

I am so sorry to hear about this. I cannot believe that this has happened. You and dh must be so angry and devastated.  The emotional and physical pain that goes into these cycles is sometimes too much to bare! And when something doesnt go as planned, all s**t hits the fan! 

Hoping that they will be able to find some answers soon and that you will both be able to persevere beyond this horrible, unjust, unfair episode of mystery.

 

Hang in there...

((HUGS))

xo

Big hugs.  

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nervus optimist
Mar 12 2013 08:29 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I think you're doing all the right things - you're keeping the anger in check and realizing that this is hard for your DH too (both emotionally and physically - which is not the case with most men, as very few have to endure what he did).  be kind to each other and do what feels right.  we were in a similar situation that there was a misread on DH's sperm analysis but luckily at the last second it was caught and we right away started freezing what little sperm he did have just in case - it's definitely a good recommendation for anyone whose numbers are funny because when there are problems it can fluctuate.

 

I truly hope that in the coming months the doctors are able to give you some answers and some options.  

:flowers:

Thank you all
    • gibasgirl likes this
I am so sorry this has happened. Wishing you strength and know that we are all with you.
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hightechbaby
Mar 16 2013 05:36 PM

Hi there,

I just wanted to offer my support in your tough situation. Even though it seems daunting right now - it may work out. It is a hell roller coaster we are all one, with all our own variations.  If that makes you feel any better. Lots of hugs and prayers to you both.

The emotions that accompany this journey are beyond unbearable. We may not know each other but I know the pain your feeling and send my love and support to both you and your husband. One day at a time and be ok with yourself to feel like crap if you need to, we don't always have to be strong everyday. The grieving process for our situation us not linear, it's cyclical in that we loss any struggles along the way, it's more than not just conceiving. Xoxoxo to you both
    • jenpen likes this
Thank you alll sooooo much it means so much to have u. I'll keep u all updated!

I am so sorry :(. Hope happy days are ahead...

I think that's the hard part my dear......there is no answer for why you and your DH are having this struggle......and it truly isn't fair! Have a little comfort in knowing your not alone! Hugs to you.

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