Life??? And how do you know its time to quit??? - Forums

Jump to content


Life??? And how do you know its time to quit???

Posted by Marie8016 , 20 November 2010 · 2599 views

There comes a time in ones life when you have to stop trying to have your dream - but when do you know its time to stop trying???
What sign do you look for???
How long do you wait???
Will there ever be a time of when you quit trying???

Nov 20 2010 08:11 PM
This is something that I admit I struggle with.
I thought after 2 rounds of ivf I thought I could walk away but I couldn't.
I thought after adopting I could "be done" but I couldn't.
I thought after using my last frozen embryos that I could be done but again I am not and so I will go another round.
I am not sure if I am determined or dumb.
I don't know if you stop trying because you "feel" you have to or if you stop because you convince yourself that you need to.
Whatever the reason I haven't found it yet but I do feel that those who are able to make that choice with a sense of peace are admirable.
Nov 20 2010 08:50 PM
After we'd been trying for three years that question started becoming more common. When do you know when to stop? All I ever knew at the time was, the time wasn't then. I wasn't done yet. I didn't know at the time if I'd ever be strong enough to tackle IVF or whatever other treatments were ahead of us, but all I knew was that one step at a time I was getting closer and I wasn't there yet.

As we closed in our 6th year of trying to conceive and prepared for our 2nd and last IVF following the failed IVF the year before, the 2 FETs and the 9 IUI's never mind all the other crap we went through I knew we were done. After nearly six years I suddenly started having this little feeling, a little something that was preparing me for the biggest change of my life. I was either going to succeed and move on, or I was going to live child free and no longer continue to seek a way to succeed. Prior to agreeing to do the last IVF I was ready to move on for the most part, but it was that last procedure and the finality of everything that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was done. Whatever was to come next, it wasn't going to be a repetition or variation of what I'd been doing for all the years leading up to that point.

I guess my advise is to listen to your heart, be honest and true to yourself, even if it's not what you think you wanted to hear.

Good Luck
Nov 20 2010 08:51 PM
Someone told me that you know it's time to call it a day when it is more painful to continue than to stop. I don't know if this helps or not. I always feel like quitting after a BFN, but give myself time and refuse to make any decisions while under the influence of synthetic hormones.
Silverdollar is right! I think after every BFN we all want to quit. When I got my phone call on wednesday and heard the BFN news I threw the phone and said "thats it!". Now today while I was out walking with my husband in the sunshine I know I'm not done. I know that walk and DH holding my hand renewed my strength and courage to go one more round, maybe 2 more rounds....but like everyone else has said I think your heart will tell you when enough is enough or when that little sign of hope pops her head up and said "You can do it!"
There comes a time in ones life when you have to stop trying to have your dream - but when do you know its time to stop trying??? For me, it was when I cringed at the thought of putting another needle into my body, after 13 failed assisted cycles....and the thought of going through all the heart ache again
What sign do you look for??? I looked for signs around every corner I turned, I could twist EVERYTHING into something that meant keep going or stop.
How long do you wait??? I knew I was done trying with assisted technology after 5 years....
Will there ever be a time of when you quit trying???
Even having a beautiful son through adoption and and we stopped trying over 5 years ago, the hope, the dream is still there for me. Every time we are intimate I always hope that this could be it.....I don't think I could ever quit trying....I'm just not as affected in my daily living with it....I don't think that grief (for me) will ever go away all together.
It's rough road.....I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
Good Fortune
Nov 21 2010 06:00 AM
I haven't completely shut the door, it's just closed for siesta and may open again some day.

The micro-signs are :
Wanting other things too and feeling beyond frustrated that this is causing your life to stall.
Feeling relief that a cycle is over, whatever the outcome.
Enjoying an amazing activity and realising it would be severely hampered if you had children.
Shuddering when you hear kids screaming in the supermarket.
Feeling irritated instead of understanding when colleagues have to leave early or take a sick day because of children.

The big sign is when you look down on yourself and see a woman embittered and saddened for much too long and a husband who has lost faith in the whole idea. Two lives going to waste.

I don't agree that it's an entirely heart-felt decision. Left to the heart you will be eternally yearning, because you cannot stop wanting what is programmed into you to want.

It's a combination of a heavy heart and a gritty mind. Cold logic is a very underrated faculty!
Nov 21 2010 09:45 AM
For me... we were almost there. After alot of discussion with hubby, it wasn't that we were giving up... we just thought, if IVF doesn't work then we are going to reassess....we can't spend our time in a state of urgency and sadness. We began to focus on our life together, what it would look like without children. I am not going to lie, we were. Looking back, I knew that we had spent our first five years married... sad about not reaching our dream. But I also knew that although we made this decision we were not fully "there" and I remember writing it in my journal and still knowing that I wasn't quite "there". But I did have a very clear and real understanding that if we did not have children (through IVF, adoption etc), that we would make it out on the other end, happy. I couldn't help but think I have been so lucky in life with so many things... and if this is the worse thing that could happen, I would still have all the wonderful things I was grateful for....

As with everything, different journey, different timing and different experiences to lead us to our own personal understanding... tough question but glad you asked it.
Take care
Such a good question that I ask myself every day ...

We're taking a rest or maybe we've quit - don't quite know yet. But the reasons are:
1) The cost ($) vs success rate ratio in not looking as good as it used to.
2) I can't cycle and live the life I want at the same time, and I'm sick of everything being on hold.
3) IVF is negatively impacting both of our jobs.
4) IVF is negatively impacting our social lives.
5) IVF is negatively impacting my health.
6) IVF is making us much more sad than happy.
Good Fortune
Nov 21 2010 11:12 AM

I do believe it's a situation you have to ultimately think your way out of. If you rely on feelings alone you'll be stuck here forever.
Great debate.
This is probably the TOUGHEST decision an IFer could make. I have pondered this question myself and here is how I think I will arrive at this decision. I think if every fibre in your body is too scared to move on, your heart can not take anymore...then I think its time to move on to your next option...adoption, donor sperm/egg/embryos, child free, etc.

For me when we decided to quit pursuing IVF with my own eggs...I would literally break into a panic attack just thinking about attempting IVF with my own eggs. We were already considering DE so that's when we knew it was time.

Funny thing though...this was my honest to God comparison...I felt I would rather be dragged out to the desert and abandoned than try IVF with my own eggs. It was obvious my heart had enough and it was time to move on. Serious...that's how my brain made the decision!!
nervus optimist
Nov 21 2010 12:43 PM
our doctor told us to save our money! (heartbreaking to hear, but he was right - he even said we could try again if we want to, and it was possible we'd get PG, but the chances were so low that he didn't recommend it) that basically put an end to it for us. he still wanted us to try though other means (Donor eggs, donor sperm etc etc) but we were not comfortable with those options so we're done... for now. In general I believe in never saying never, but at this point unless there is some magical new protocol that comes out that is likely to make an astronomical difference in how I respond to meds then we're done with treatments. on a side note - we always knew that adoption was something that we wanted to do - we had expected that we would have biological children first - didn't work out that way - but totally thrilled that we are moving forward with adding to our family in a way that always seemed so perfect for us.

best of luck in your decisions
Nov 21 2010 11:21 PM
This is a great topic for discussion and I can relate to so many of the responses above. After having just come through my first IVF cycle unsuccessfully, I am in no way ready to stop trying, however, I find myself thinking ahead too much wondering how much longer it's going to take to get pregnant. I told my husband that I don't want to go through another IVF cycle; I want to make that decision after we run out of frozen embryos, but it's so hard to know how things are going to pan out. I haven't heard that many stories of couples who have been successful on their first attempt with IVF and so it seems that most of us are in for the long haul.

I also think about what the drugs are doing to my body and this usually causes me to put a time limit on how far I'm willing to go.

I have to agree with Supermom's comments when she said she thought she would walk away after 2 rounds of IVF but couldn't. I think this could happen to any of us and is what keeps us continuing on the journey.

I've already considered adoption, childfree living, and foster parenting but none of these options have caused me to give up the fight just yet. I think only you can know when the right time is to stop and it's strange but that is when I hear of women suddenly getting pregnant out of the blue!! How ironic!!

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

September 2021

19 202122232425


    0 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Search My Blog

    My Friends' Blogs



    Latest Visitors

    • Photo
      14 Jan 2015 - 23:53
    • Photo
      10 Apr 2014 - 23:48
    • Photo
      17 Nov 2013 - 18:53
    • Photo
      25 Jun 2013 - 13:24
    • Photo
      04 Dec 2011 - 15:48