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How did I ever get here?

Posted by Hoping4_1 , 18 August 2014 · 2770 views

As I look back on my journey I'll never forget when I first joined here. I was looking through some signatures and was showing my DH how some women here have gone through so many treatments. Shortly after that I got pregnant with twins on my first IVF. Never did I think I'd end up with my signature.
Now my signature is long, 2 IVF's and going onto my 5th FET...and my last transfer, with no live babies. How'd I get here, why me? I started my suprefact today with mixed emotions. I'm 32 with answers people don't want to hear when they ask me about having kids. I feel like my husband got the short end of the stick. I also feel like I'm just in a void, I have a terrible attitude to this cycle even though it's my last.
Even though in my mind, I believe this cycle will be another bust but there is a small glimmer of hope.
So, hopefully this will be the cycle where I get to change my signature and leave here with a happy ending.

  • bcbc, Vetter, gibasgirl and 8 others like this

I really hope that this last cycle is the one!!! I think we go into these "last" cycles with a glimmer of hope but also a realistic pessimistic attitude when we've been through what we have so that we can maintain some level of self protection.

    • gibasgirl and Emily81 like this

Hope, I will keep everything crossed for you to have this cycle work. THis is the hardest thing, when you get so close and so far in the end from your dream. I hear you, Girl, here. It is not the end, right?! Try to recope and just do it. ((Hugs))

    • gibasgirl and ladylazarus like this
Aug 18 2014 12:06 PM

((HUGS)) hang in there.  May this cycle be the one to give you and your dh your happy beginning!!!




Love and hugs,



    • bcbc and gibasgirl like this
Aug 18 2014 12:37 PM

Hoping - I wish I knew what to say...but I honestly really don't.  I'm so sorry your journey has been the way it has.  There is nothing I would want more than for this to be successful for you.  G-d forbid it's not...we'll all be here for you.  ((hugs))

    • gibasgirl likes this

Fingers crossed for you. Success isn't at all tied to how happy-clappy you are. Hopefully this roll of the dice comes up just how you want.

    • Vetter, gibasgirl and Emily81 like this
I sooo hope and pray this cycle is the "one" for you!!! I'm keeping everything crossed for has to be your time Hoping!!! Fx! Fx!❤️
    • gibasgirl likes this
Aug 18 2014 02:16 PM

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I just read your sig and it is heartbreaking. You are very strong to have come this far. I have everything crossed for you that this will be your cycle! Best of luck!!  Hugs.

    • gibasgirl likes this
Aug 18 2014 02:29 PM

Oh Hoping, how i hope and wish and pray for you to be able to write about your BFP, baby kicking, going onto labour and of course adding your birth announcement!  I think about you often.  The best of luck my friend!

    • gibasgirl and Emily81 like this

I really hope this is the cycle you get to take home a baby.  No one should have had to go through what you've been through.  I think of you often and am really hoping and praying this is it for you.  

    • gibasgirl and cheers like this
We are all pulling for you, Hoping.
Aug 18 2014 07:59 PM

Big hugs.

    • gibasgirl likes this

Thinking of you.

I hope this is it for you and you get a beautiful rainbow baby you so deserve.  Please, please don't loose hope.

    • Emily81 likes this

I honestly have all my crossables crossed. Hoping this is your last cycle to your live miracle xx

wishing you good luck and positivity! lets pray this one is the one!

Your signature made me cry :(. You have been through soooo much! I hope this is finally your time. May the universe smile on you this time and give you a pregnancy to term and only good news.
    • lindsayinport likes this

Best of luck!

Aug 18 2014 11:26 PM

I've been following your story since your screen name was Hoping4_1got2. Gosh you've been through more than enough. Infertility is so bloody unfair.

    • Vetter and Emily81 like this

Wishing you lots of luck. I have followed your story since the beginning as well(I have an IC as well). Wishing you lots of luck!!

Infertility sucks and no one really gets it unless you have walked in our shoes. I never ever thought we would be where we are today. Now we are expecting a baby via surrogate and I wouldn't change it for the world. It will make us appreciate our children more. No matter how you get your baby it will truly be amazing. I really hope and pray this is it for you. Hugs !

Big hugs my friend. I know the feeling oh too well. Love ang hugs!
    • Vetter likes this

I am praying that this is IT for you.  I had followed your story in the past and am sorry for all that you went through.  Just know there are many many people rooting for you.  xo

FX and praying like crazy that this is the one.  Hugs!!

positive vibes!!

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