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Bitterness...

Posted by Hoping4_1 , 18 November 2010 · 1085 views

Alot of you ladies already know my story and some of you don't but it's crappy so look at my signature!
Anyways...With the holidays approching so is my expected due date. I thought I was getting somewhere with my grieving but now it's all coming back. I've been having trouble with bitterness....
I have a cousin who is pregnant and sadly to say I don't want to see her or her baby, she is a addict/escort/severely chemically imbalanced! I can't stand it when my SIL talks about having MORE babies, even though they have a 7 yr old DD and 2 yr old B/B twins. They don't have the means to have another baby! It just feels like a HUGE slap in the face!
I just can't do it anymore! I can't sit here and pretend to be happy for either of them.I guess I'm looking for a little advice before this happy smile on my face turns into something really ugly!! LOL
Don't get me wrong...I'm very happy for all my IF ladies who are preggers and my old DD buddies! But GAWD!!!!!! :th_aggahhh:

Thanks for letting me vent! There will probably be more to come :lol:




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silverdollar
Nov 18 2010 08:40 PM
You have every right to be bitter. It is a constant reminder of your losses and what you don't have (YET!). Hang in there. :th_acheerlead:
    • papoose76 likes this
If you weren't bitter, I would think you were in denial and putting up a good front. What a totally normal way to feel. It is rotten to add another negative feeling to all the grief that you are trying to process, but try to give yourself the time and space you need. ((((hugs))))
You've lost two children. I think it's completely normal to have a whole range of emotions, including bitterness. Most of us haven't exactly been through what you have, but we've all been through our own losses and disappointments. That's the great thing about this website - there are so many friendly and sympathetic ears to share our feelings with. Vent away!
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allcriedout
Nov 18 2010 08:57 PM
Oh Hoping - I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Silverdollar is exactly right with what she said - I echo her comments word for word.

Wishing you the strength to get through this upcoming holiday season.

Love and hugs,
ACO
xo :th_acheerlead:
I echo what everyone else says....just thinking of you.
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hoping_it_will
Nov 18 2010 10:26 PM
I remember your story....and it takes A LOT of courage and strength to be able to face EACH day....after what you have been through. When one yearns, wishes, and hopes and dreams for what you thought you could have had, at the beginning of your PG, then to have it stripped, painfully, slowly away......is beyond what MANY or ANY of us could understand. It will take you awhile to feel back on solid ground I am sure...I wish there was a way to make it seem like this holiday will be wonderful, but the reality is....you will be grieving. All I can say, is I am so sorry for what you have been through, and I hope that time is kind, and helps ebb the pain you continue to feel.

I am a 'happy and possitive' person....yet let me be clear.....my faith in A LOT and I mean A LOT would be seriously tested if I went through what you did...and bitterness would probably be very very high up on the list.

HIW :th_acheerlead:

Ps: Is there a way perhaps you and DH could take a warm vacation somewhere to 'get way' from it all, and just enjoy the sun, ocean......and each other? That helped us through trying times....change of venue, and the sun can help a little..........
You're completely entitled to feel this way, Jess. Life dealt you a crappy hand, and heaven only knows why. I'd be more worried if you weren't feeling sad, angry and bitter. But you're also a really strong person, and I have faith that you'll acknowledge your emotions as you need to. Vent away--this is the place where you can do it and people understand. :th_acheerlead:
I feel the same way. I just found out a young cousin of mine just out of her teens "had an oops!", that's how she describes her pregnancy as she goes as gets more peircings in her body. Last year I saw through 3 other cousins who had babies that were "oopses"......I was angry for a long time about that. Here are party girls, drinking till all hours, hanging out till all hours, whos biggest concern was the latest fashion and which concert to attend and are now mothers are I stayed by having to inject myself and still to no avail. Now I get to watch the 4 of them snuggle their babies and talk about them as if they are fashion accessories! I know how you feel! (((hugs)))
Oh, Jess.... I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, but it's perfectly normal and to be expected. Like the other ladies said, you've been through hell and back, and although you ARE incredibly strong and caring and generous of spirit- you are also human. I think getting away to a beach someplace is a brilliant idea, if you can swing it. Avoid the holidays altogether, if you can. Time will ease the pain.. and 2011 will bring you closer to your dream of being a mommy. :)
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BabyHope2010
Nov 19 2010 01:36 PM
So sorry for everything you had to go through. You have every right to feel the way you do.
I know how this feels. Every time I hear about someone else getting pregnant, it makes me sad... and for that, I feel guilty. All I want is a baby... one baby, is that so much to ask? Vent away, girl. :)
It's so heartbreaking and unfair. Don't beat yourself up for feeling angry. I feel the same way when I see this happening all around me. Venting about it is a good thing. You don't have to be happy for these people, their situations are not happy ones and the lives of their children may not be either. I think you need to nurture and protect yourself right now. Avoid them at all costs and do something for yourself that might bring you a bit of joy. If you could swing a trip even if it's just a weekend it might help to raise your spirits and nurture you. If you can't maybe try a stay at home trip. Buy some new pajamas and wear them all weekend, unplug the phone, don't answer the door, rent a bunch of funny movies, order takeout, give yourself a facial, whatever it takes to feel nurtured--you need and deserve it.
~* Jess*~ Feb is our month girl! *hugs* I know it's hard girl. My step neice just had #2 and she's 19 and they are less than a year apart AND my cousin's wife I *think* is knocked up with #4 and she's 38(NO OFFENSE TO THE OLDER MOTHER'S HERE) and lives in a 2 bedroom trailer and can't afford to pay bills next month........It's really not fair......

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