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The end of our IF journey
Posted by
ivfsurvivor
,
24 November 2011
·
985 views
What is means to me to be done with ART
Well, our 3rd and last cycle has ended with a BFN, and I am extremely conflicted over the result.
I like our little famly and am happy that is not changing. But then again, I wanted another baby, if I didn't I wouldn't have turned myself into a pin cushion, not once but twice. So I am not happy about that. So either way I would have been happy and unhappy at the same time.
My biggest sadness though is for Eylish, she is an only and really doesn't even have any close cousins. She does have a few on DH's side but the ones she does know are 12+ years older than she is, so not much in common there. She does have one little cousin who is 21 months younger, but that sister is 19 years younger than DH with a different Mom, so they are not that close. My sister can't have kids, she shattered her pelvis 12 years ago and can't have kids without putting her life in danger, so that avenue is out. But I know that we will figure something out, we will just have to make the extra effort to make sure she has many playdates and friends over. We will also have to try very hard not to spoil her too much.
Eylish reminds me every day of how blessed I am / we are. This afternoon when I was a little down and DH was still at work, Eylish asked me what was wrong, I told her I was sad and wished Daddy was home, she came over and gave me a big hug, patted me on the back and said "I know you do Mommy. Daddy will be home soon." This is what I tell her when she is sad wanting her Daddy, but to hear it from her little mouth, was amazing. I was also giving her lots of hugs and kisses, everytime I kissed her on her head, she would tell me "I love you too Mommy", even if I didn't say a word, she seems to know just what to say and when to say it.
There are so many wonderful things about being done TTC. We now know how many will be going on vacation, no matter when we decide to go, we don't have to get a bigger car, we don't need a bigger house, we don't need to decided if we should get her a twin or queen bed, and there are so many more things that we can finally move on with. The best part, no more D1 calls to a strangers answering machine
, this was always a WTF moment for me. My private reproductive life is finally mine again.
There is a peace that comes with being done TTC.
I like our little famly and am happy that is not changing. But then again, I wanted another baby, if I didn't I wouldn't have turned myself into a pin cushion, not once but twice. So I am not happy about that. So either way I would have been happy and unhappy at the same time.
My biggest sadness though is for Eylish, she is an only and really doesn't even have any close cousins. She does have a few on DH's side but the ones she does know are 12+ years older than she is, so not much in common there. She does have one little cousin who is 21 months younger, but that sister is 19 years younger than DH with a different Mom, so they are not that close. My sister can't have kids, she shattered her pelvis 12 years ago and can't have kids without putting her life in danger, so that avenue is out. But I know that we will figure something out, we will just have to make the extra effort to make sure she has many playdates and friends over. We will also have to try very hard not to spoil her too much.
Eylish reminds me every day of how blessed I am / we are. This afternoon when I was a little down and DH was still at work, Eylish asked me what was wrong, I told her I was sad and wished Daddy was home, she came over and gave me a big hug, patted me on the back and said "I know you do Mommy. Daddy will be home soon." This is what I tell her when she is sad wanting her Daddy, but to hear it from her little mouth, was amazing. I was also giving her lots of hugs and kisses, everytime I kissed her on her head, she would tell me "I love you too Mommy", even if I didn't say a word, she seems to know just what to say and when to say it.
There are so many wonderful things about being done TTC. We now know how many will be going on vacation, no matter when we decide to go, we don't have to get a bigger car, we don't need a bigger house, we don't need to decided if we should get her a twin or queen bed, and there are so many more things that we can finally move on with. The best part, no more D1 calls to a strangers answering machine
, this was always a WTF moment for me. My private reproductive life is finally mine again.There is a peace that comes with being done TTC.
- gibasgirl likes this
I do understand you completely. If you want to talk, I'm here.