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The end of our IF journey

Posted by ivfsurvivor , 24 November 2011 · 985 views

What is means to me to be done with ART
Well, our 3rd and last cycle has ended with a BFN, and I am extremely conflicted over the result.

I like our little famly and am happy that is not changing. But then again, I wanted another baby, if I didn't I wouldn't have turned myself into a pin cushion, not once but twice. So I am not happy about that. So either way I would have been happy and unhappy at the same time.

My biggest sadness though is for Eylish, she is an only and really doesn't even have any close cousins. She does have a few on DH's side but the ones she does know are 12+ years older than she is, so not much in common there. She does have one little cousin who is 21 months younger, but that sister is 19 years younger than DH with a different Mom, so they are not that close. My sister can't have kids, she shattered her pelvis 12 years ago and can't have kids without putting her life in danger, so that avenue is out. But I know that we will figure something out, we will just have to make the extra effort to make sure she has many playdates and friends over. We will also have to try very hard not to spoil her too much.

Eylish reminds me every day of how blessed I am / we are. This afternoon when I was a little down and DH was still at work, Eylish asked me what was wrong, I told her I was sad and wished Daddy was home, she came over and gave me a big hug, patted me on the back and said "I know you do Mommy. Daddy will be home soon." This is what I tell her when she is sad wanting her Daddy, but to hear it from her little mouth, was amazing. I was also giving her lots of hugs and kisses, everytime I kissed her on her head, she would tell me "I love you too Mommy", even if I didn't say a word, she seems to know just what to say and when to say it. Posted Image

There are so many wonderful things about being done TTC. We now know how many will be going on vacation, no matter when we decide to go, we don't have to get a bigger car, we don't need a bigger house, we don't need to decided if we should get her a twin or queen bed, and there are so many more things that we can finally move on with. The best part, no more D1 calls to a strangers answering machine Posted Image , this was always a WTF moment for me. My private reproductive life is finally mine again.

There is a peace that comes with being done TTC.

Posted Image

  • gibasgirl likes this

I'm so sorry about your BFN...
I do understand you completely. If you want to talk, I'm here.
I'm sorry to hear :( I was really hoping that it would work for you.
    • gibasgirl likes this
Huge hugs to you. It is always hard to know when to end your journey; but it is finding peace within yourself that is the most challenging. However once that peace is found it is almost refreshing and brings life into more accute focus. I am glad to hear that you have found that peace.

Sorry for the BFN. It's funny how little ones know exactly what to say to make you feel better. I personnally live 5000km from the rest of our families. We have close friends here to whom we refer as auntie and uncle. Some of them have kids while some of them don't after struggling with IF. When our son grows-up, he will play with their children and other friends. I think if you are careful, they will have a balanced life wether they have brothers/sisters and cousins close by or not... I am a bit like you, would like a second eventually but appreciate what I have. If it works out fine, if not I'll move-on too...

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