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Will the pain go away?

Posted by Thankful , 27 July 2010 · 1088 views

It's been 6 years ttc. 4 IVF's and 2 miscarriages and nothing to show for it!!! You think after all these years the pain will get better, but it doesn't. I think of it every day. I get reminded every day that I am infertile. Reminded every day that I have no children. It shows on the tv, my soapies. My friends and family. In the mall. I wonder if my heart will ever be the same? At night I lay and think how different my life would have been if I had kids of my own. All my friends got babies one after the other. Some of them are pregnant with there third child already. And after a while you don't see them any more. I feel so alone, I feel I have been left behind. Why Why Why?

Jul 27 2010 04:37 AM
I don't know if it will ever go away, but hopefully it will fade, if not be replaced completely one day when you finally achieve your dreams come true.

Good Luck.

Sending huge hugs your way. It's so difficult to cope sometimes. :Emoticons09710:
One day, I hope..
I just wanted to be totally honest with you - the pain for me, never really went away (after 6 years ttc, 3 IVF, 2 FET, and 2 ectopics). Even when we adopted our little boy - I still had some heartache over IF. Our boy is such a joy - he did lessen the pain.
I know how you feel. It doesn't seem to matter how well things are going in my life or how much fun I'm having, IT is ALWAYS there, lurking in the background.

You're not alone. :Emoticons09710:
Jul 27 2010 09:44 AM
After I became a parent, I realized that life is about SO much more than being a parent. I know how you are feeling because I went through it for ten years. Every where I turned, a mother and her child were being thrust in my face. I couldn't escape it. But now that I have kids, I see the other part of the world that I chose not to see when I was struggling with IF. The other part of the world that I can no longer be a part of because I have kids and my independence and freedom are completely gone for the next 18 years. And now I am constantly reminded of that. I am not complaining. Please don't think I am because I know how blessed I have been. But I just want you to know that there are opportunities that YOU have that your friends are jealous of. I promise you that. One of the reasons I no longer see my friends without kids now is not because I am off having such a wonderful time with my kids. It is because I am completely jealous that they can go shopping or get dressed up to go out on a Friday night and party the night away, while I am breaking up fights and picking up toys off the floor.
I am so sorry you are hurting. But try not to focus on what you can't control...and focus on what you CAN control. Have faith that you can still have a great life, even if you never have kids. Take advantage of all the opportunities you have and all the time you have. Find something else to make you feel fulfilled. Because there is something out there that will. You just have to look for it. This doesn't mean giving up your dream to become a mother. I encourage you to never give that up until you have exhausted everything you have, mentally and physically. I tried for 10 years before I had success and Thank God I didn't give up. But in the meantime, there ARE other things to make you feel content and at peace with you life. Good luck and hugs to you.
Good Fortune
Jul 27 2010 01:40 PM
I want to say this. Listen to Lilygirl. She speaks the truth! I am so pleased we are finally all starting to understand each other. Parenthood is a DIFFERENT way to live your life, but not necessarily better. Hard as it is to believe, not every mother feels overjoyed at the thought of no freedom for the next 18 years despite being ready to die for their kids.

Each lifestyle has its pros and cons. I will always feel wistful for the children we'll never have, but as soon as I took control and decided I'd suffered enough pain TTC, I felt so much better.

I'm not encouraging you to give up, I just want you to believe it IS possible to get through this.
And no, you're not alone.
Amen, lilygirl and GF!

Hugs to you all.
Well said ladies!

Still Waiting...After close on 10yrs of TTC with my now late husband, I had completely come to terms with a childfree life, I owned a small farm to fill my days, had horses and so on...I loved my childfree life!
When I remarried in 2007 my new husband and I fell pg, we have since had 3 ectopics, lost a tube, had 4 other m/c, 2 chemical pg's and 1 failed IVF....and are currently pg at 22wks.
There is no reason why we lost the others and no reason why this one is sticking....all I know is I gave up TTC and was enjoying life and now i'm 38 and pg. I've been to hell and back during these 14yrs TTC.
Only you will know when it is time to give up, either way be sure to enjoy life to the fullest in between TTC, getting pg or choosing a childfree life.
I almost swear that having babies is nothing other than luck...it is totally out of our hands if you ask me.

Kia Kaha (Stay Strong)
I wish you all the best! xx
AMEN to Lilygirl and GF! Read their words and commit them to memory and action. And no, you are surely not alone!
Jul 27 2010 07:28 PM
This is exactly what I needed to read. My husband and I have just found out that he has a chromosome defect and the chances of us having kids are very slim. We did our 1st round of IVF this past June and it didn't work. My husband's 2 cousins just announced that they are pregnant and I've been crying since last Thursday because I can't stand the thought of not having kids.
Hi Ladies,

Thanks you all for your replies!!! Thanks Lillygirl, Goodfortune and Anahera for your stories.

It helps to hear your comments. Now I know I am not alone!!! I must just change my mindset.... I will go for another IVF if I can financially, but whatever happens, these words will be with me!!!

Lovetobemommy, sorry about your bad news. All these comments goes for you too. Hope you feel better!!!

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