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Crushing My Dreams Before They Start

Posted by kookacola , 03 January 2015 · 1736 views

Yesterday before dh went back to work, I went over and hugged him and said "Somehow this year we'll have another baby" he then turns around and says "maybe it didn't work because of you sleep apnea" I then said that it didn't work because I was  under stress and I've gained weight since the last cycle which was almost 6 years ago.  That in itself has really bothered me.  To top it off, my business is going down the tubes and I'm not sure I can save it this time.  Then tonight, we were watching Shark Tank and they had 2 men who were trying to pitch their Wedding Wagon idea and to see if they could get some financial backing.  I though their idea was neat.  Our 20th anniversary is in 2016!!! I said that I wanted to renew our wedding vows since we'll be married 20 years then.  He didn't seem to enthuastic about that.  It's like he's on this quest to crush all my dreams or ideas.  I may as well go and get my tubes tied or a hysterectomy and divorce him.  I was starting to feel a little excited about the possibility of trying to work out a plan to add r expand our family and dh crushes it before it even gets off the ground.  Same with the renewing our wedding vows.  Seriously!!! I'm going to do what I can to get out of this mess and line things up, with or without him I guess.  What's a girl to think?

Jan 03 2015 09:12 AM


    • kookacola likes this
Maybe some counselling so you can both understand where you're coming from. 20 years seems like something to hold on to and fight for rather than falling apart. Good luck!
    • asweetness and errantlight like this
Jan 04 2015 12:10 PM

I read through your profile after your last post and we have alot in common. DH & I had our 20 year anniversary a year and a half ago and I'm struggling to remember what we did lol! I think it was cards and dinner. We run a business together and our lives are just consumed between that and DS.


I was lucky to have a dad who understands the importance of having 'something to look forward to'. My DH falls into the Homer Simpson category of 'that sounds like too much work' or 'knock yourself out'. If your DH is the latter, I sympathize. It can be hard to convey the need to have something to look forward to, making that extra effort to enjoy life and building memories. I hope that your DH is being uncharacteristic in his lack of enthusiasm and that he's just having a hard time at the moment. I find the holidays kind of depressing myself, especially the aftermath. I understand your frustration, but maybe wait a little while and then see if he's willing to tell you what's up with his feelings. A very big hug from me.

    • errantlight likes this

Please don't jump the gun quite yet with divorce.  You both have been together for far too long to allow the thought of it to leave footprints in your mind.  We have to remember that as women we tend to be more vocal about our feelings, our thoughts, and are most definitely not afraid to show our emotions (pehaps this is why we live much longer, lol)  Joking aside, give him sometime to process and collect his thoughts.  The whole thing can be overwhelming for him as well even if he doesn't show it, and although you both suffered a loss, we (women) tend to jump up from our hurts much more easily and carry on by brushing the dirt of our bottoms.  Men seem to take a bit longer.  You are allowed to be frustrated, annoyed, angry, and it absolutely okay to feel all these things, sometimes all at once.  See how things go, and proceed from there.



    • Yearning likes this

DH is like you with a desire to talk about the future and the positive.  I am more like your DH - things hit me hard, and I get really depressed and Eeyore-like.  It doesn't mean I don't look forward to the good things, but some days I'm faking it if I talk positively.  It's good that your DH is being honest with where he's at in a way.  Take some time to check in.  Good luck. :)

    • asweetness likes this

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