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The Holiday Let Down

Posted by kookacola , 30 December 2012 · 831 views

Loss mentioned
I was looking forward to the holidays this year. I enjoyed watching the festivities through my dd's eyes. I have thei s feeling that something is missing and still is. Not sure if it's because my dad only came down for the day on Christmas Eve, or because we never saw mil or fil. Dd is going to be 3 in a matter or hours. I really enjoyed the time with dh and dd so far and I'm actually dreading going back to work. Fortunatly I work from home but I really enjoy having just mummy, daddy, and dd time, just the 3 of us. We are planning on doing and fet but it's not in stone when that will be yet. Maybe that's why I feel that nothing is settled or thee's emptiness. I have been thinking about our older child that would have been 9 in January and wonder how he/she and dd would have enjoyed the holidays together. I find that the older dd gets, I thinking about the hcild tha was supposed to be her older sibling more and more. After the m/c I thought about him or her lots but once i had dd, I wonder all the tie the "what if" or the "what would". I feel like the holidays weren't as enjoyable this year and I wish I knew why.

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