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ramblings - dealing with my particular infertility struggle. mentions suicidal thoughts.

Posted by kajira , 23 July 2010 · 2269 views

Not many people know this about me, that while I get depressed sometimes, I've never, ever seriously considered suicide before, not realistically, not logically, not with a "this makes sense because of these reasons" kind of way.when I struggled with infertility, it is the only time i've ever felt so totally worthless and broken that I eve...


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Hubby ruined my Tangent, I didn't even get to say it!

Posted by kajira , 20 July 2010 · 800 views

So, I found friends who are going to give me a copy of these books :Heart and Hands: A Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy and BirthIna May's Guide to ChildbirthSpiritual Midwiferyafter talking to my husband about the other two books I wanted, one is 75 and the other is 130, he's going to look through some of his medical purchasing libraries and see...


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nesting urges

Posted by kajira , 20 July 2010 · 671 views

I want to re-arrange my entire house, start baby proofing the outlets, clean everything and start getting stuff ready...I feel like if I re-arrange our bedroom and get all the baby stuff ready, I can relax and just enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.The problem is, re-arranging this house is entirely pointless since we are moving in a few weeks.The nesting ur...


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husband and a new baby...

Posted by kajira , 18 July 2010 · 699 views

i have never, ever seen my husband nervous about anything in 4+ years of being together until I had a bleeding scare in our early pregnancy. Itís the only time Iíve ever truly seen him "worried"... (He swears it had more to do with my mental health than his own feelings, but I think he would have been as devastated as I was had something been wron...


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some musings on delivery.

Posted by kajira , 17 July 2010 · 1084 views

I never used to be scared of labor, but almost dying in child birth with my son and having such a traumatic experience with him due to medical intervention has made me have a very strong doctor/hospital phobia.. which is why we are going through a birth center out of hospital with a midwife.However, I am hitting the 5 month mark and we'll be starting...


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back issues while pregnant... things they don't tell you...

Posted by kajira , 16 July 2010 · 586 views

Well, I was hit by a car when I was 14, it resulted in permanent nerve damage.prior to this pregnancy, I always tried to maintain a weight under 125, preferably between the 115-118ish range.the reason for that, is every pound after 125 would put pressure on my nerves, my back, my joints, to the point where sometimes i'd wake up with my hands and feet...


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midwife and the heart ultra sound.

Posted by kajira , 13 July 2010 · 527 views

our midwife prefers to do the ultra sound, really late in pregnancy, like 32 weeks. I don't feel with having the heart defect risk we do, that is a wise decision. I want to eliminate the risk early so I don't fret and stress out for the next 12 weeks or so.That to me, just ISNT enough time to find a good doctor, hospital, surgeon, make plans for o...


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feeling the baby move on the outside... at 19 weeks!

Posted by kajira , 12 July 2010 · 759 views

I obviously have been feeling the baby move for weeks!Last night after sex, when my uterus was rock hard, I laid my hand over my stomach to massage it, it helps lesson the contraction-type feelings and makes it relax a little. (well, in my head anyways, I don't know if it really makes a difference or not! LOL)The baby was kicking like crazy, s...


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Why I hate renting...

Posted by kajira , 07 July 2010 · 623 views

We have animals. We have 3 dogs, and 2 cats.our dogs and cats are like my children, they are family members... even though my husband doesn't like cats, he tolerates my cats. he's allergic to them and still changes their litter box, feeds them, pets them, plays with them... and when I told him it was time for us to consider rehoming our cats, his...


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infertility, even after pregnancy.

Posted by kajira , 07 July 2010 · 578 views

I was talking to a friend because she was asking me about my pregnancy and we were chit-chatting about it. She knew I had struggled with infertility, and she could do was complain about how awful having a period was, and how lucky I was to go years with out ovulation and a period. (How I managed to get pregnant had come up in the conversation)I am sitting...






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