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Infertility Changes Your Perspective

Posted by Luckypenny , 26 July 2010 · 877 views

On Friday night DH and I were lying in bed and he mentioned that the wife of someone we were friends with in highschool had been in to his family's restaurant and they are expecting a baby. I think this is the first time that I have really heard pregnancy news since we found out our IVF cycle had worked (outside of this site. I'm always happy when I hear someone from here has gotten a BFP). I realized that the me that would have asked "how is she feeling? how far along is she? when is the baby due?" is gone. I'm replaced with someone that was relieved that our treatment has worked when I heard that news (not happy, relieved. I'm happy that our treatment worked, but the feeling that I had when I heard that news was relief). I'm someone who realizes how bitter/angry/sad/disappointed/ripped off/despondant/desparate that news would have made me if our cycle hadn't worked. The map of how I got here and the emotions that I felt along the road are etched in my mind.

Yesterday I was visiting with DH and his family and asked his mom about his grandma in Greece. His mom said her mom is great, just like a new person she is so happy about our news. While of course we are happy she is happy for us, this was tinged with sadness for me. Three years ago DH and I visited his family in Greece (I had never been before and DH hadn't been in some years). I met many of his aunts, uncles and cousins. One of his cousins is our age and had gotten married in the summer (we went in the fall). We went to visit, and the cousin was out so we just visited with the wife. There is a language barrier b/c none of his relatives there speak English and I don't speak Greek. His cousins wife made a couple of comments (translated by DH) that left me with the impression that they had started ttc and so far were unsuccessful. She mentioned that it makes it harder when everyone asks when you are going to have children (I think DH nodded in acknowledgement) and when she showed us around the home they had built she said the second bedroom would be a nursery if "things worked out". I really liked her, but with the language barrier I haven't been in touch since we came back from vacation. Yesterday imagined how she would feel when her husband's family excitedly told her our "happy news". I've been in those shoes enough to know what they feel like - they're tight shoes and they pinch and they make you want to rip them off and throw them at the wall and cry. I've thought about DH's cousin and his wife often over the years and always include them in my prayers that they would be blessed with a family. I once looked up fertility treatments in Greece and found that while they have all of the procedures available that we have here, they cost just as much or more. Most people in Greece do not make anywhere near the wages we make for an equivalent job. Also, all of the testing must be paid for because they don't have government health care (unless maybe you have health coverage through work - I'm not sure of that part). So, I can imagine just getting a diagnostic would be expensive, even before any treatment. DH has pointed out to me that for them it is a bigger deal to drive about 2 hours to Athens than it is for us to drive 2 hours to Toronto. I'm not sure if it would make them feel better or worse to know our "happy news" was only obtained with the help of medical intervention. I don't know if they have sought out medical help in the last three years, or if her job as a nurse, and with a sister that is a doctor, would make it any easier to get help. But I'll continue to keep them in my prayers and never forget where I came from.

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