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Feeling the love...

Posted by leigh14 , 08 September 2011 · 1261 views

I've had a crazy, stressful work week and have simultaneously been planning our upcoming trip to Mexico for our LIT procedure and yet, in the midst of the stress and sometimes wondering if we're crazy I've felt huge support from some special people in my life. For that, I'm hugely grateful.

When we found out that it was recommended that we do the LIT procedure I wasn't even sure if I should tell my family because, as I noted in a previous blog, traveling for treatment out of country for a procedure that is not offered in the States or Canada seems a little out there to some. I wasn't even sure how we were going to figure it out financially but we did. And one of my siblings helped us out by offering some of her Airmiles to us.

Next up, I received a beautiful email from a friend who is deeply spiritual/religious. I am definitely not super religious but I am very spiritual and definitely believe that there is a higher power. She had put together a group of prayers for me in a Word document and I was very touched that she did this. The prayers have provided me with a lot of comfort on days when I have needed it.

I have a really great friend who purchased a spa day for DH and I to use while we are in Arizona before going to Mexico for our LIT. How great is that? It is precisely the sort of thing that DH and I need to relax and try to make the most of our treatment weekend. If we view it as a little get-away, somehow it doesn't seem as bad.

My workplace has also been very supportive. Going into this next "round" I decided that transparency was the way to go with my bosses. They've been wonderful and they've been discreet. And they've wished me well, never once looking at me like I'm crazy for doing any of this. This is different "feel" than I got last year at my place of employment, believe me. They have assured me that they will do what they can to support me as I go through this process.

DH has been really, really great. When I think back to where we were a few years ago in regards to this issue and how much he is now willing to "go for it" I'm grateful. I remember the first conversation that we had about this and believe me, DH wasn't exactly too keen on the idea of kids, let alone IVF. But then we went to the first clinic and I saw him roll up his sleeve to get blood drawn I thought, "He's really going to do this with me." Even now, as we're about to do all this, I am very aware that this is not an equal desire. DH would be quite okay with calling it a day if I said I didn't want to do this. But...he knows that I want so deeply to be a mother and he will do what it takes to try to make it happen. At times he says things like, "I really want this for you" or "I want you to be a mother" and, while this touches me, I sometimes feel pangs of guilt because I know that he doesn't necessarily want it for himself the way that I want it. But, when I read all the different stories on here, I'm not sure whether the desire for a baby is ever a 50/50 split between both parties. After we had our immunological testing done and found out that it was recommended that we do LIT, I wondered if that would be the point at which DH would draw the line in the sand. But he didn't and just said, in his typical logical way, "Well, if that is what is going to increase the chances, that's what we should do." I really love him. :Emoticons09710:

I don't know where all this will lead but I sure hope that it does lead to a baby! Right now, it feels a little like The Amazing Race as we are going through multiple check points before we can even begin to cycle. And as we all know, once the cycling begins, there are more hurdles to cross. Slowly, but surely, I'm trying my best to cross those hurdles and trying my best is all I can do.

We're nearing the time when DH and I will begin our treatments and despite the fact that sometimes I feel pretty unlucky for having what we've now learned are multiple issues, I also (strangely perhaps) am finding that I feel very blessed; I have a greater sense of what I want in this life and I am and I have some wonderfully supportive people in my life. Those who are supporting me in real life are great but this online forum continues to help me get through those days when I'm stressed, angry or upset. Thanks to all of you too.

This isn't an easy process and it sure helps to know that I'm not walking this path alone. :)

  • gibasgirl likes this

It's so refreshing to hear that people at your work and friends are being supportive, I'm really happy you're feeling the love. That's as it should be. I have such admiration for your determination and spirit. As you've said before obstacles are meant to be overcome and if anyone can, it's you with the attitude and perseverance you have.
Following your journey with admiration and rooting for you. xo
Wow leigh, I am so happy that you have supportive friends and family and that your DH understands your need for motherhood so much that he is willing to go that extra mile with you. I have gotten so much comfort from this site and am so glad I found it. Good luck with your treatments.
Sep 08 2011 11:07 PM
Aw, this post makes me feel so good for you! It really sounds like you're in a good place and that makes me happy! All the best on your next adventure!
:) ditto gibasgirl
Beautiful post. Thinking of you tonight! Good luck tomorrow!
Sep 11 2011 07:11 PM
how amazing is your husband? This is true love :-)

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