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I was supposed to be pregnant...

Posted by papoose76 , 20 December 2010 · 916 views

2010 was a year of waiting... We paid our registration fee into the IVF program at Heartland in January, and they told us it would be a nine month wait. So we waited... We had our information session evening in April... Then we waited some more. August, we had our mandatory one hour counselling session... Then we waited some more. We were given the option to cycle in September, OR if we waited until October we would be eligible for the new fertility tax credit. So we waited... All the while we waited, I thought "well at least there is a good chance I'll be pregnant by Christmas!!" with so much excitement and hope.

Now that my IVF has come and gone with negative results, I wait some more... January 13th is my follow-up appointment. I need answers. I need a possible solution. This was the biggest let-down since I found out my first and only pregnancy to date was ectopic. I will request some more testing, maybe a lap, fingers crossed for some tubal reconstruction.

I hate that I'm living my life waiting. I think I said it somewhere before that it seems to be that I'm living life as if everything between each procedure, or milestone is insignificant. I don't mean for it to be that way, but it's a sad fact. I have another 7-8 months of waiting for my next go at ivf. I haven't even approached my bank yet.

I really hope that 2011 is a better year. :crsd:

I'm in the waiting room too! We put up our christmas tree last night and neithe one of us wanted to mention it incase of upsetting the other and then almost at the same time we both said "maybe next christmas".......it always seems like were saying maybe next...maybe next......I understand when you said the in between cycles seems to be insignificant...I feel the same way so thats why we decided to skip the next cycle and maybe the next until that feeling goes away. I want my love of life to come back and replace this almost "on edge please be next time feeling".

Know that your not alone there's a lot of us waiting with you!
Hope 2011 is your year! :flowers:
I'm sorry 2010 didn't end with the pregnancy you so hoped for. I had the same experience this year. It's too bad you have to wait so long to try again...waiting is hard! I hope 2011 goes better for you. :flowers:
Best of luck in the new year! :flowers:
I spent much of the last three years living in 2 week intervals, and it absolutely sucked. It helped more when I had a plan going forward, or something to anticipate that was positive. For example, I trained for a race before starting my first cycle with the desire to take control of my body again in a good way, and show what it CAN do instead of focusing on what it couldn't. I really hope that 2011 is a better year for you in every way that counts.
It is like you can hear me thinking out loud. I agree with you completely...the waiting game is not an easy one. IVF is stressful and demanding and there is so much pressure that it should work (in theory). I was devestated beyond words with my 1st failed IVF and am currently waiting for my beta from FET. Remember you are doing what is right for you, it is hard not feel sad or depressed through this journy, but it is always important to remember that there is 'hope' just like your picture reads :flowers:

Good luck to you in 2011!
So sorry you are going through this (((Hugs))) can I ask you a question? How many follicles did they say you had at time of ER and how many eggs did they say you got total? I'm just curious because I went to heartland also and at time of ER I was told I had 11 follicles and was a green light for the ER but when the embryologist gave us the report after retrieval of those 11 follies we only had 3 eggs? which I found odd and devestating too.
Dec 20 2010 07:36 PM
Waiting stinks, but it is a part of this process whether we like it or not. I agree with others about finding some things you enjoy doing and setting some non TTC related goals for yourself in the interim will help get things back in balance.
Here is wishing you the best new year and may 2011 bring everything your heart desires and more!!
Wishing 2011 will be your year! :flowers:
We just went through the same thing with the chritmas tree. I agree about always waiting. I really like what Feydruss said about focusing on the positive things our bodies can do. I made a goal to do this and help keep myself occupied more. So far doing great. Hubby and i are starting to realize the true meaning of Paitence is a virtue.
Have a merry christmas, and Lets make 2011 our year!:flowers:

So sorry you are going through this (((Hugs))) can I ask you a question? How many follicles did they say you had at time of ER and how many eggs did they say you got total? I'm just curious because I went to heartland also and at time of ER I was told I had 11 follicles and was a green light for the ER but when the embryologist gave us the report after retrieval of those 11 follies we only had 3 eggs? which I found odd and devestating too.

We only had 3 on the left side and one on the right side. So, I knew I was in for a low number of eggs, but didn't expect it would only be 3...

Thank you, everyone :flowers:
Heartland has a crazy wait list.Other clinics in Canada have literally NO wait times. The "tax Credit", is not what some people think. We contacted our accountant, it is a formula based on how much your combined income is....no 40% of the costs back at income tax time. For us it is worth it to leave HFC...tax credit or not. They have done a transfer on me after 0 eggs fertilized so they waited over 12 hours to perform ICSI...obviously those embryos will not form....every doctor I have spoken to since has told me. But instead of cancelling the cycle and trying again with ICSI being done right away at the right time, they convinced us that it "could still work" "fingers crossed". God forbid they have to cancel a cycle...reduce their succes rates ( which are not good) and refund $$$. Unreal. Call around ladies other clinics have better success rates and NO wait times. Is the tax credit really worth putting yourself through hell, and prolonging the time you are going to start a family?We have wasted enough time & money on this clinic.

My reproductive history (or lack thereof)

From age 13 to 18 I had one boyfriend who it turned out was unfaithful to me. We never used condoms because I trusted him and I was on birth control. He gave me an STD at age 17 (gonorrhea) and I had no symptoms, so I have no clue how long I had it before I had it treated.

From age 18 (yeah my relationships overlapped because I was "getting even" but fell in love with the guy I cheated with) to age 22 I was with a different guy. We lived together for 3 of those 4 years and ttc with no luck at all.

Age 23 to age 30 I was with my ex-husband. I started seeing my fertility specialist in 2004 (age 28). HSG showed clear tubes. Lap- 2 fibroids removed, some lysis of adhesions. 3 Clomid cycles all BFN. Another HSG showed clear tubes a year later, and another lap after that showed nothing major (exploratory). More clomid cycles, more bfn's. He never wanted to do ART, he called it "playing God". Then he cheated on me and I had to kick the bastard to the curb.

Age 32 (2008) to present, I have been with my second husband. We instantly fell in love and after a couple months of dating, moved in together and started ttc. We "just knew". We started seeing my same fertility specialist and had an HSG which showed one partially blocked tube (non-mechanical blockage). May 2009 I found out I was pregnant!! Very unexpected but very much wanted. Ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days showed nothing in uterus, pregnancy was ectopic. It was removed at 7 weeks pregnant. Worst emotional pain ever sad.gif HSG 3 months later showed one fully blocked tube, one open. We registered in the IVF program in January 2010, and are just now in the process.

IVF #1
Suprefact: Sept 27-Oct 17
Puregon: Oct 8- Oct 17
ER: Oct 20
ET: 23: 3 eggs retrieved, all intact, 2 fertilized and made it to transfer!
Beta: November 4/10 moved up to Nov.2/10 because I started bleeding heavily and tested negative on a FRER. I am beyond devastated... Beta was less than 1.2 BFN

I am back on the waiting list at my clinic to do another IVF cycle. The wait is 8-9 months, so I won't be cycling until either July or August 2011. In the meantime, I will be trying naturally and giving "Benedryl therapy" a try in case I have implantation issues. Can't hurt.

HSG done March 15/11- Both tubes were clear. Appointment on April 6th, new b/w, pap, and Rx for Femara for May and June cycles.

IVF #2
July 25- first u/s and b/w. Cyst on right ovary & estrogen level high. Injections delayed.
July 28- second u/s and b/w; no change... cycle cancelled th_aggahhh.gif
July 31- October 1st I will be on BCP.
Oct 3- first u/s and E2 b/w- fingers crossed that the cyst will be gone...
Cyst is gone! Started microdose Suprefact (20 units) on October 4th twice a day, and Bravelle (150 iu) & Menopur (75 iu) on October 6th twice a day.
First monitoring appointment on October 12th!! Fingers still crossed!
ER, October 19th: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized!!
ET, October 22nd: 2 embryos transferred (one was 8 celled, the other a morula)
BFP on early pregnancy test (10miu) on 8dp3dt
Beta: November 3rd!!! Fingers crossed!!! 112!!!!! yahoo.gif
Beta #2: November 5th- 133 sad.png
Beta #3: November 9th- 31... cry.gif Another angel baby in Heaven...

HSG; December/2011- Right tube blocked (hydrosalpinx) at the end where the ovary is. Left tube clear.

FET #1- transferred 3 embryos on March 23rd
BFN on FRER (April 4th)
Beta: April 5th- negative


December, 2012- Husband left me for another woman. TTC has ended for me.cry.gif


Me: 36 years young
Him: 36 years young wink.gif
Step-son: 14
Step-daughter: 12
2 cats: Sprinkles & Leonardo

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