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This can't be good for my embies...

Posted by papoose76 , 27 October 2010 · 1017 views

I am stressed the f*** out. My job is driving me crazy. I teach Kindergarten. This morning, I had both my a.m and p.m classes in for a bullying workshop. They drove me nuts. I feel like crying. On top of that, I am having issues with my DH not sleeping with me at night. I wrote something on his FB wall and his sister inboxed me, giving me shit. :th_angrywife: Like its any of her damn business. I am very scared that this job is going to drive me insane. Maybe I'm just having a bad day? Maybe it's just a combination of the 2ww with my job? I can't afford to take MORE time off... And I am very scared that because of this stress, my embies will not implant. Tomorrow is our classroom parties. I am seriously NOT looking forward to it. Friday is a field trip to a corn maze. I don't know what to do. :cry:




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Good Fortune
Oct 27 2010 01:40 PM
I think we're all a bit scared to comment Papoose, so I hope tomorrow is a better day! As for the stress, isn't there a saying about staying calm when all around you is chaos? Try to imagine you're floating above it.
My personal opinion is that infertility causes stress - not the other way around. If stress had that much of an effect, no one who is broke or who has a stressful job, or who is single or in a bad relationship would ever get pregnant and no babies would be conceived during times of war or natural disaster.

You can only do so much - the rest is up to nature/science/God/luck/whatever - so don't be too hard on yourself. :Emoticons09780:
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silverdollar
Oct 27 2010 02:05 PM
I agree with Impatient. The embryos will do what they will do, and there's not much we can do to influence that. Sometimes the world is just too much though. Check yourself out of Facebook for a while. Maybe you can let the kids run free in the corn maze and whoops if you lose a few of them.
Try to take some deep relaxing breaths when you are feeling overwhelmed. The embryos will be okay. They can't feel the stress. Think positively and tell your SIL if you were interested in her opinion you would have asked for it!
OMG! Totally sounds like a combo of a bad day, 2ww stress, and hormones galore! It may be a good sign that things are working :D!! As for the Kindie crazies... don't be too hard on yourself. Try looking at the world through their eyes for a minute or an hour....see the wonder and the discovery instead of the mess and the wild child....let go and find something to laugh at! Laughter is the best medicine :lol: This too shall pass! And at the party and on that fieldtrip, utilize any adults at your disposal, deligate, deligate, deligate! And give yourself the easy job for once. If all else fails, I'm with SD - lose a few in the corn field! :Emoticons09780: And treat yourself to a relaxing something after work!!!
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Good Fortune
Oct 27 2010 04:16 PM
2ww definitely gets easier the more of them you do. Hmm.
I actually can't imagine working with children during a 2ww. Not too fun I imagine!
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HeartlandWpg
Oct 27 2010 05:10 PM
Oh sweetie, your embies will do what they do. Don't be so hard on yourself...seriously.

I totally know what a classroom of kids can do to you--especially when you are in a 2ww...not fun at all. But...try to have some fun at the party and corn maze...try to not think about what your body is doing and stay off of the computer lol...outta sight, outta mind kind of thing. It makes you even more loonie, I think lol.

If it makes you feel any better, during my last 2ww, hubby and I had the biggest fight ever and I was upset and cried for 2 days (which is totally not like me lol). I thought for sure the cycle was a bust. And it wasn't despite the stress. It's anxiety, hormones, and the feeling of being totally overwhelmed by something you just can't control. It sucks. But it will pass, hun. Hang tight. Relax. Deep breaths.

Fingers crossed for you.

xo
Hang in there. I would take a day or two off work. If you need it, take it if you can.
Hi Papoose, I know teaching can be a stressful job, especially when the kidslets are so demanding and don't give you a minute to yourself. Can you plan some things and have parent volunteers come in to help, take a load off for you? Or plan a big activity with a buddy group from an older grade and let them do some of the work? I'm sure you can think of something creative to allow you some time to regain your sanity! And remember Halloween is coming so it probably won't calm down... take a deep breath you can get though this. The kids will be just fine even if they don't get 100% of your energy, let them do centers while you "work with them 1 on 1" aka sit and have a little break. If it's a little more noisy than usual, who cares, blame it on Halloween!! Good luck.
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Cassandra_Angela
Oct 27 2010 07:51 PM
I too work in a high stress job and I also have 2 autistic children at home.
My 2ww was full of stress ... outrageous and insane stress.
I got a bfp ... keep the faith and just keep telling yourself that tomorrow will be better.
Aaawe, hang in there...my SIL is an occupational health nurse. She says that if you want to call in sick to work and not get questioned, either say you have diarrhea or back problems. Nobody wants to ask you about your poop and you can't prove back problems :Emoticons09780:
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Lilygirl2727
Oct 28 2010 01:14 AM
Like the others, my 2ww's are usually full of extreme stress too. I was a bartender with my first 2 kids and went back to work within 3-4 days of transfer. I couldn't quit my job because that is how I paid for my cycles, so I had no choice but to go. So there I was, on my feet for 8 hours straight, constantly moving, dealing with drunken a--holes, and inhaling constant second hand smoke. Every time somebody ordered a frozen drink, I would cuss under my breath because I was sure that the vibration from the blender would dislodge my embryos. Oh, and I can't forget restocking beer coolers with 20 cases of beer a night. And did I mention the drunken a--holes?? lol I would be so stressed out from work that I would come home and take it out on husband and we would basically fight the whole 2ww. I mean serious screaming matches. But my embryos were oblivious to it all and just buried themselves in and covered their ears, I guess. So don't worry. I don't believe for a second that stress can affect whether or not your embryos implant. Good luck to you!
You know what I found with the 2ww. You try so hard not to stress that you stress about not stressing...... Take a deep breath and sit back. A little bit of stress will not harm the embrios!!! And the world will not came to an end if you take it slow for a few weeks. Put your mind on something else and don't let your sil upset you. Let all the bad things and people just past you by. Goodluck!!!!
:Emoticons09780:
Stress sucks...I'm not sure if your into this stuff but I listen to meditation on my ipod and it really helps me. John Kabat Zinn is one of my favorites. Best part is all you have to do is turn it on and lay there. I feel completely relaxed after.

Just an idea..

*hugs*


Sue
I talked to my principal yesterday and he was concerned about me. I had to "talk" to him through email because I was a blubbering mess yesterday! There was no way I could talk on the phone! Anyway, he said take the rest of the week off and maybe come back on Monday (actually he suggested taking off work all next week too: Thursday is beta day). I told him I will let him know on Sunday if I'll be back Monday. I'm so glad I have a supportive principal. He knows how much this means to me, and told me to do whatever I need to feel comfortable. Today, I totally chillaxed and napped. I feel so good right now, and stress-free. Thank you everyone :Emoticons09780:
I talked to my principal yesterday and he was concerned about me. I had to "talk" to him through email because I was a blubbering mess yesterday! There was no way I could talk on the phone! Anyway, he said take the rest of the week off and maybe come back on Monday (actually he suggested taking off work all next week too: Thursday is beta day). I told him I will let him know on Sunday if I'll be back Monday. I'm so glad I have a supportive principal. He knows how much this means to me, and told me to do whatever I need to feel comfortable. Today, I totally chillaxed and napped. I feel so good right now, and stress-free. Thank you everyone :Emoticons09780:
Oh thank GOD Papoose!! So worried and SOO glad your feeling much better.
    • papoose76 likes this
Thank you for checking on me LisainSK. :th_aggahhh:

My reproductive history (or lack thereof)

From age 13 to 18 I had one boyfriend who it turned out was unfaithful to me. We never used condoms because I trusted him and I was on birth control. He gave me an STD at age 17 (gonorrhea) and I had no symptoms, so I have no clue how long I had it before I had it treated.

From age 18 (yeah my relationships overlapped because I was "getting even" but fell in love with the guy I cheated with) to age 22 I was with a different guy. We lived together for 3 of those 4 years and ttc with no luck at all.

Age 23 to age 30 I was with my ex-husband. I started seeing my fertility specialist in 2004 (age 28). HSG showed clear tubes. Lap- 2 fibroids removed, some lysis of adhesions. 3 Clomid cycles all BFN. Another HSG showed clear tubes a year later, and another lap after that showed nothing major (exploratory). More clomid cycles, more bfn's. He never wanted to do ART, he called it "playing God". Then he cheated on me and I had to kick the bastard to the curb.

Age 32 (2008) to present, I have been with my second husband. We instantly fell in love and after a couple months of dating, moved in together and started ttc. We "just knew". We started seeing my same fertility specialist and had an HSG which showed one partially blocked tube (non-mechanical blockage). May 2009 I found out I was pregnant!! Very unexpected but very much wanted. Ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days showed nothing in uterus, pregnancy was ectopic. It was removed at 7 weeks pregnant. Worst emotional pain ever sad.gif HSG 3 months later showed one fully blocked tube, one open. We registered in the IVF program in January 2010, and are just now in the process.

IVF #1
Suprefact: Sept 27-Oct 17
Puregon: Oct 8- Oct 17
ER: Oct 20
ET: 23: 3 eggs retrieved, all intact, 2 fertilized and made it to transfer!
Beta: November 4/10 moved up to Nov.2/10 because I started bleeding heavily and tested negative on a FRER. I am beyond devastated... Beta was less than 1.2 BFN

I am back on the waiting list at my clinic to do another IVF cycle. The wait is 8-9 months, so I won't be cycling until either July or August 2011. In the meantime, I will be trying naturally and giving "Benedryl therapy" a try in case I have implantation issues. Can't hurt.

HSG done March 15/11- Both tubes were clear. Appointment on April 6th, new b/w, pap, and Rx for Femara for May and June cycles.

IVF #2
July 25- first u/s and b/w. Cyst on right ovary & estrogen level high. Injections delayed.
July 28- second u/s and b/w; no change... cycle cancelled th_aggahhh.gif
July 31- October 1st I will be on BCP.
Oct 3- first u/s and E2 b/w- fingers crossed that the cyst will be gone...
Cyst is gone! Started microdose Suprefact (20 units) on October 4th twice a day, and Bravelle (150 iu) & Menopur (75 iu) on October 6th twice a day.
First monitoring appointment on October 12th!! Fingers still crossed!
ER, October 19th: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized!!
ET, October 22nd: 2 embryos transferred (one was 8 celled, the other a morula)
BFP on early pregnancy test (10miu) on 8dp3dt
Beta: November 3rd!!! Fingers crossed!!! 112!!!!! yahoo.gif
Beta #2: November 5th- 133 sad.png
Beta #3: November 9th- 31... cry.gif Another angel baby in Heaven...

HSG; December/2011- Right tube blocked (hydrosalpinx) at the end where the ovary is. Left tube clear.

FET #1- transferred 3 embryos on March 23rd
BFN on FRER (April 4th)
Beta: April 5th- negative

 

December, 2012- Husband left me for another woman. TTC has ended for me.cry.gif

Us

Me: 36 years young
Him: 36 years young wink.gif
Step-son: 14
Step-daughter: 12
2 cats: Sprinkles & Leonardo

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