Yup, I'm officially losing my marbles... - IVF.ca Forums

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Yup, I'm officially losing my marbles...

Posted by papoose76 , 02 October 2010 · 571 views

WTF is wrong with me??? Ever since I started the Suprefact injections, I am a hormonal mess. I have been crying every day... It doesn't matter WHAT makes me cry, it could be something as simple as someone telling me I look nice (and it makes me feel so thankful for good friends and I turn to a puddle of emotional mush).

I am staying away from my hunny because I swear, something EVERY DAY pisses me off to the point where I just want to call off the IVF. I threaten to call the clinic or just stop taking my injections. LOL I am so messed up. My sister mentioned my aunt yesterday (she passed away in March), and I started bawling! I miss her (lol good Lord I am tearing up as I type!!) so much!!

I should actually video blog myself so I can at least laugh at myself later if this IVF doesn't work. Oh, that's another thing. I am totally convinced that its not going to work. I think to myself, why are we even going through with it, it's not going to work! And it makes me cry!! LMAO I was TOTALLY being positive and all that jazz right up to the point of injections... WTF is IN SUPREFACT??? FFS! :cry: :dontknow: :exploding:

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It's not you, it's the DRUGS. :Emoticons09710:
    • papoose76 likes this
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want2babies
Oct 02 2010 11:00 AM
hey, I think I have read somewhere that during down regulation, it's easy to feel down (because of those hormones). Wait till you start your stimulations (Estrogen). I think estrogen is mood enhancer, and I was in a pretty good mood when I was on Gonal-F. I can totally relate to you. IVF is a funny ride. I have cried more during my last (failed) cycle than what I normally do during the whole year (or years) combined. My hormones after ovulation was a mess (RE said my ovaries shut down and stopped producing progesterone, but good that he seems to know how to fix it the next time). Hang in there! There's a good chance that this cycle will work for you! If you think things are out of control, bring it up with your clinic. maybe they need to adjust your dose, etc. Good luck!
    • papoose76 likes this
FWIW I was an emotional mess on Suprefact and thought I was losing my mind, now that I'm on stims I'm feeling much better! You'll be fine soon! I think we all go back and forth wih negative/positive thoughts about our cycle, it's just human nature. :Emoticons09710:
    • papoose76 likes this
impatient
Today, 11:51 AM
It's not you, it's the DRUGS

********************************************
LOL I agree with impatient!
    • papoose76 likes this
No its just her :Emoticons09710: lol.. someone had to disagree!!
    • papoose76 likes this
LOL Happens to the best of us~!
    • papoose76 likes this
LMAO thanks everyone... Especially you Hazypeanut!! LMAO :Emoticons09710:

My reproductive history (or lack thereof)

From age 13 to 18 I had one boyfriend who it turned out was unfaithful to me. We never used condoms because I trusted him and I was on birth control. He gave me an STD at age 17 (gonorrhea) and I had no symptoms, so I have no clue how long I had it before I had it treated.

From age 18 (yeah my relationships overlapped because I was "getting even" but fell in love with the guy I cheated with) to age 22 I was with a different guy. We lived together for 3 of those 4 years and ttc with no luck at all.

Age 23 to age 30 I was with my ex-husband. I started seeing my fertility specialist in 2004 (age 28). HSG showed clear tubes. Lap- 2 fibroids removed, some lysis of adhesions. 3 Clomid cycles all BFN. Another HSG showed clear tubes a year later, and another lap after that showed nothing major (exploratory). More clomid cycles, more bfn's. He never wanted to do ART, he called it "playing God". Then he cheated on me and I had to kick the bastard to the curb.

Age 32 (2008) to present, I have been with my second husband. We instantly fell in love and after a couple months of dating, moved in together and started ttc. We "just knew". We started seeing my same fertility specialist and had an HSG which showed one partially blocked tube (non-mechanical blockage). May 2009 I found out I was pregnant!! Very unexpected but very much wanted. Ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days showed nothing in uterus, pregnancy was ectopic. It was removed at 7 weeks pregnant. Worst emotional pain ever sad.gif HSG 3 months later showed one fully blocked tube, one open. We registered in the IVF program in January 2010, and are just now in the process.

IVF #1
Suprefact: Sept 27-Oct 17
Puregon: Oct 8- Oct 17
ER: Oct 20
ET: 23: 3 eggs retrieved, all intact, 2 fertilized and made it to transfer!
Beta: November 4/10 moved up to Nov.2/10 because I started bleeding heavily and tested negative on a FRER. I am beyond devastated... Beta was less than 1.2 BFN

I am back on the waiting list at my clinic to do another IVF cycle. The wait is 8-9 months, so I won't be cycling until either July or August 2011. In the meantime, I will be trying naturally and giving "Benedryl therapy" a try in case I have implantation issues. Can't hurt.

HSG done March 15/11- Both tubes were clear. Appointment on April 6th, new b/w, pap, and Rx for Femara for May and June cycles.

IVF #2
July 25- first u/s and b/w. Cyst on right ovary & estrogen level high. Injections delayed.
July 28- second u/s and b/w; no change... cycle cancelled th_aggahhh.gif
July 31- October 1st I will be on BCP.
Oct 3- first u/s and E2 b/w- fingers crossed that the cyst will be gone...
Cyst is gone! Started microdose Suprefact (20 units) on October 4th twice a day, and Bravelle (150 iu) & Menopur (75 iu) on October 6th twice a day.
First monitoring appointment on October 12th!! Fingers still crossed!
ER, October 19th: 10 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized!!
ET, October 22nd: 2 embryos transferred (one was 8 celled, the other a morula)
BFP on early pregnancy test (10miu) on 8dp3dt
Beta: November 3rd!!! Fingers crossed!!! 112!!!!! yahoo.gif
Beta #2: November 5th- 133 sad.png
Beta #3: November 9th- 31... cry.gif Another angel baby in Heaven...

HSG; December/2011- Right tube blocked (hydrosalpinx) at the end where the ovary is. Left tube clear.

FET #1- transferred 3 embryos on March 23rd
BFN on FRER (April 4th)
Beta: April 5th- negative

 

December, 2012- Husband left me for another woman. TTC has ended for me.cry.gif

Us

Me: 36 years young
Him: 36 years young wink.gif
Step-son: 14
Step-daughter: 12
2 cats: Sprinkles & Leonardo

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