Spinning wheels

Since my 2nd Beta wasn't quite as high as it should have been (doubling every 51 hrs and not over 1000 by 22 days post retrieval) we needed to do a 3rd Beta. Last week I had an unmissable business trip to Europe so couldn't do it before yesterday. Sadly the result was not good - 2903 which sounds like a nice high number but it should have been 15,000 at least. So looks like this PG is non-viable although for now I have no miscarriage symptoms so will persist with the ultrasound booked for Thursday. Hopefully it won't be as traumatic when you know what to expect. And then I guess it'll be a D&C, I wonder if the RE can refer me for that or if I need to go through my GP or OB (poor women they're always so hopeful when they see me at an appointment and it's never good).

It has been such a sad day. DH processes things very differently than me - i.e. mostly on his own and in his head vs my need to talk through every conceivable aspect at repetitive length. So on top of everything else I've managed to lash out at him which of course is very productive and just enhances the pity party this weekend has turned into.

We could try again with my eggs. But I really want to have a baby and start a family. Continuing to bet $10000 on a single number at the roulette table is starting to feel more like a gambling problem than a step in the direction of the desired outcome.

In more positive news, went to the gym this morning and had an excellent workout. Am looking forward to losing the final 15-20 lbs this fall. Big week at work next week so I should be well distracted.

Funnily enough in a completely unrelated conversation with my boss last week we found ourselves talking about how life just isn't fair and I remembered the Maya Angelou quote: 'If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.' I think it might be time for a change.

J