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Posted by joyfulintent , 08 October 2010 · 1849 views

So, Beta today - I just went to the clinic and of course because I have the day off there was no queue - unlike all the other times I've been when I wait for 45min to an hour!

This morning I had a total existential crisis - to POAS or not to POAS. I literally lay in bed for 45 min debating until my bladder would stand it no more.

I just didn't want the period of PUPO to end because this time, maybe because work been busy and the wedding planning has taken up all other available time, the 2ww wasn't filled with one single obsessive thought: am I? Instead, it was just every so often in a quiet time that I would think: maybe I am, maybe I could be. And this morning I knew that these might be the last minutes of enjoying that quietly hopeful peace of mind. You see I know only too well the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when, again, it hasn't worked or worse, when just as you least expect it something goes terribly wrong. So as I sat on the edge of the bed I knew that two possible futures lay ahead.

In the end I did POAS, managed not to look at it for 5 minutes while it brewed and brought it to bed for DH and I to find out at exactly the same time. When I turned it over I was so expecting it to be negative I actually saw just the one line at first. And then I realized there was another one and discovered which of the two futures I was going to live.

Oddly, my emotions are still all over the place. Will it stick? Will it be OK? Can I do this? Heck, I just found myself in tears with the realization that I'm going to get kicked out of Club Cranky-Pants.

One thing is clear: I am no longer very interested in the last few details of wedding admin I need to get done today! LOL.

Shoutout to Geniegirl who gets married tomorrow - hope all is well and you have a great day!


Congrats on the double lines! I hear you on the "now what". It still has not sunk in for me. Not sure it will til the 9 months are done. So great for you!
;) ;) I'm so excited for you!!! And happy wedding too!
;) Congratulations!!!
Good Fortune
Oct 08 2010 11:03 AM
I can completely understand your fear, especially after this last year's events. One day and a time and try to be cautiously happy. Nothing can replace your loss, but this will bring its own individual joy.

Rotten fun you'll be at your own wedding not drinking! Don't worry, we'll have one for you. xxx
Oct 08 2010 11:06 AM
congrats!!! ;)
Oct 08 2010 11:39 AM
Yay! Congrats!!! ;)
Oct 08 2010 12:13 PM
I'm happily escorting you out the door of the crankypants club, hope you never have to return ;)

Congratulations Joyful!! This is such wonderful news. Fear and worry won't change anything that happens and neither will joy and happiness so you may as well pick joy and happiness ;)
Congrats ;)
Congrats Joyful! ;) Just take it one day at a time...
Oct 08 2010 12:57 PM
Woooohooo! Congrats!
Oct 08 2010 12:59 PM
Congratulations!!! I wish I could tell you that the worrying stops, but it has only just begun lol!!! Enjoy this time
Congratulations! Terrific news.
Congrats!!!! ;)
Hooray!! Congrats. Enjoy your wedding and your family!!
congrats!! dont worry about us in the club, slowly but surely we will try and kick them all out!! ;)
Congratulations on your Wedding too. I wish all the best in every aspect of your lives!!
October 10th is a very good day that is going to be my 17th wedding anniversary.
That's amazing! Congrats on your wedding as well. What a great start to EVERYTHING! ;)

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