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Posted by gibasgirl , 06 March 2016 · 2097 views

Oftentimes, when you meet someone new, you have no way of knowing how important they will be in your life. 
Sometimes, when your world falls apart they are there to help you pick up the pieces and find the beauty of life again in spite of the bruises and scars - sometimes because of them. 
Thank you can't fully express your gratitude beyond the...


Dear God

Posted by gibasgirl , 30 June 2014 · 2558 views

Dear God Dear God,

If I can't have a baby, can I win the lottery instead?



Posted by gibasgirl , 13 March 2014 · 3546 views

"Where is your head at?"

If I had collected my thoughts in time my answer would be "My head is in my heart, I suppose."

But there isn't always time to do that in the moment.

So here I am a childless woman in her forties wiping hot tears from her face wondering why it's ok to scorn us for wanting what others want, for trying to answer the call of the de...


My ficus tree

Posted by gibasgirl , 07 February 2013 · 3118 views

We have a couple of ficus trees at our place. They make our living space feel like home and I have grown to like them.I've had a peculiar "relationship" with the taller one. For two of my pregnancies this particular tree sprouted fruit, but then the fruit would stop growing either shortly before, or after a miscarriage.So the sign of any fruit on that tre...


Crying in the shower

Posted by gibasgirl , 14 December 2012 · 3866 views

"I am trying to be strong. I don't want you to be discouraged by my tears." Those are the words I wrote to my husband after the news. I couldn't say them because I was crying -- silently -- and unable to say a word.To acknowledge the pain would make him feel worse. To acknowledge the pain around family would lead to "I told you so'...


Encounter with the non-infertile personal trainer.

Posted by gibasgirl , 09 November 2010 · 1961 views

I had my annual comprehensive health assessment today. It's something I started doing a few years ago to make sure no stone is left unturned on the medical front. It gives me peace of mind and the doctors at the clinic are lovely.I've been open about our struggle to have a child and got some really encouraging words from one of the doctors and tha...


Post beta reflections

Posted by gibasgirl , 19 August 2010 · 3885 views

Today was beta day and the result was a BFN. Not sure what to do next. My DH was playing Peter Gabriel on the weekend and his duet with Kate Bush touched me. I've always liked the song, but never gave the lyrics anything more than a cursory glance. For some reason I find it comforting today.


HSG: taking the next step

Posted by gibasgirl , 19 January 2010 · 1833 views

I took a break from TTC after my colossally devasting heterotopic pregnancy (combined uterine and ectopic pregnancies) came to an end in September. The uterine pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and the tubal pregnancy was treated with Methotrexate - a chemotherapy drug. My RE at the time told me it would take 3 months for the methotrexate to leave my system...

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