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I'm a closet Victorian after all.

Posted by Good Fortune , 24 April 2011 · 2671 views

Hell's Teeth, my step-daughter's up the spout.

16 years old, first serious boyfriend, period 20 days late. Hmm.

Well, I suppose we should be flattered she confided in us first, or at least made it so obvious something was upsetting her that we told her to spit it out. But not before she'd sent all sorts of ambiguous text messages to her mum about wanting to go home because people were "getting at her" - which got her mother on the war-path. Oh the minds of teenagers take some unravelling! Under the circs. I can forgive her for acting a bit peculiarly, but she is a manipulative little madam and seems to like her parents being at odds.

Anyway, the distraught young thing started sobbing her heart out, worried about her exams, worried what her mum would say, worried that the sky would fall in. Welcome to adulthood!

Why am I a Victorian? Because I want to box her ears. Because I can't believe the contraceptive talks have gone in one ear and out the other. Because her 18 year old BF more than likely pressured her into having sex.

She says she'll go to her doctor and have it terminated because she wants to get her qualifications. I don't think she's strong enough, but there you go. I think it'll haunt her, but hey, the world doesn't need more unplanned babies. I did drop the hint about adoption... but it's her body. Up to her.

As for me - pregnancy at 16 would have sent me running screaming to the hills, therefore my dear, dippy stepdaughter's predicament has very little effect on my emotions. Silly girl. She's got herself into an almighty pickle and I can't see it ending very happily.

Yoiksers.Hang in there GF.-kj
Apr 24 2011 03:17 PM
Oh boy, I'm sorry you are dealing with this GF. The irony. Good for you for putting it back on her to sort out and not jumping in to the rescue.
Yikes! Hang in there.
oh my gosh, the world is a twisted place. so sorry you are having to deal with this. (if you could see me know, there is alot of head shaking.......) sigh..... hugs!Have a gin and tonic, I've had about 3 tonight and they make everything better.
Apr 24 2011 06:25 PM
Are you kidding?!?!!! Why do you seem so calm about this? How's dh handling the news? I'm sorry you have to face this...so f'n unfair. Tell her I'll take it ;)Seriously though, you OK? What a way to end your trip :(
I'd want to box her ears too, so I'll join you in the Victorian closet.
The irony indeed! I would also like to box her ears and those of her 18 year old boyfriend. (I am wearing my ankle length skirt and puffed sleeves right now too!) So sorry GF!
Ugh. What a mess. Talk about facing fertility and IF simultaneously. You sound very collected about it - good for you for keeping your head on straight. I don't think I could do the same.
ah crap..what a thing to deal with especially with everything that you have been through..it just doesn't seem fair. I hope that she looks at adoption as it is hard to be a 16 year old single mum..of course if she is like alot of them that I've seen in my town, she will expect the grandparents to take care of the baby while she continues with school and her social life. OMIgod, you are going to be a grandma on top of all this. I hope you are doing okay though
Good Fortune
Apr 25 2011 03:57 AM
First the mother, now the daughter. What are they doing, starting a confederacy of idiots?Hush your mouth I'm no grandma! No way, no how, no place. Perish the thought.She won't keep it. She'll terminate and want sympathy for the rest of her life. Personally i think she should square up to it, but I'll keep my thoughts to myself. Her body.
Apr 25 2011 09:10 AM
While the situation isn't ideal and I don't know what she's like where maturity is concerned it IS possible for a teenager to step up to the plate and do things right without depending on others to take over for them. It's not easy or fun but please don't assume that she "can't".I was younger then her and did one hell of a job parenting, working and getting 3 college diplomas.I hope that she makes a choice that she can live with and does well with whatever choice she makes.(((HUGS)))
    • figuresk8er likes this
Good Fortune
Apr 25 2011 03:30 PM
Yes I know I sound bombastic, angry and dismissive.She is very immature.She won't deal with a termination well at all, but feels she has no alternative.She just wants to be liked and I imagine that's why she got caught out.I don't assume she can't raise a child - with our social care system anybody could! She seems to have decided against it though, despite being the sort of girl whose soul purpose in life is to get married and have children.I'm cross with her because I feel a little bit hurt (my issues) and because this is really going to screw her up. Cross, and not terribly sympathetic I'm afraid.
Of course you feel hurt, you who have struggled to get pregnant is put in the position of dealing with her unwanted pregnancy. Don't expect yourself to be the sympathetic support system, let her mom who has not struggled deal with her mess.I know you love her or you wouldn't be hurt and angry. (hugs)
Apr 25 2011 08:03 PM
Totally sucks. Dh's very close cousin had her first, second and third unplanned pregnancies with various fathers while we were TTCing. The third she gave up for adoption. Everyone assumed we would take it. This sure is a mess and so unfortunate that the course of her life has officially changed courses. Wishing you much strength and patience.
Good Fortune
Apr 26 2011 03:31 AM
Like it's that easy, eh DB? Pass the baby round the table to the infertile couple.A termination will be right slap in the middle of her exams. It'll really screw her up. I half-hope she decides to keep it, I actually do.She's no scholar, has no burning desire to see the world or even do the lesser desirable growing-up stuff like drinking and substances and following rock bands around the country. It might sound dismissive, but I see her in low-paid work until she opts out at age 22 to have a "might as well" baby anyway. I would love her to surprise us all and achieving something extraordinary, but I fear not.Apart from feeling a but raw myself, I am not actually "dealing" with any of it. Until she comes to us for advice, we're well out of it.
Read the latest update elsewhere. I'm so sorry to all of you.

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