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To pee or not to pe...

Posted by Sapphire , 30 August 2009 · 1528 views

... that is the question. Iím in the home straight of the 2WW, but it seems to get harder, not easier, as the end comes into sight. I stayed pretty calm though the first week, but the second week really is the killer. Iím so good at reciting the mantra Ďsymptoms mean nothing and no symptoms mean lessí to others, but terrible at believing it myself. Unlike last time, this time I do seem to have some possible symptoms Ė so much more satisfying to obsess over.

The second week of the wait started well Ė only in this topsy turvy world would having an upset stomach all day qualify as a good thing, but for me it was. I felt like I was really sensitive to smells as well, but then I did spend half the morning at a fish processing factory and had lunch on the bridge of a fishing boat! I started to believe these might be my first real, live symptoms and really believed it might be happening for us this time. I made a deal with myself that if I was still queasy on Sunday morning I would POAS.

Saturday, and all the queasiness was gone. As were the tender breasts that had persisted since my hcg shot, so nothing. I ate as much junk food as I possibly could (but turned down the wine, smoked salmon and raw oysters at the party we attended), but didnít manage to bring on anymore queasiness. So the HPTs were banished to the bottom of the suitcase.

Sunday, vivid dreams, interrupted sleep and a bout of queasiness after eating breakfast that went away after an hour or so, then ravenous hunger later in the day. Good signs again? Then the faintest pink tinge on the toilet paper (sorry, TMI), and Iím back to the depths of despair. Last time I had spotting on 15dpo so if that happens again, I will be sure that weíre heading for another BFN. So now Iím in obsessive peeing, TP-inspecting mode, and the pink is getting a little more obvious. Between trips to the toilet, Iím getting more and more down, almost sure now that itís another BFN, but retaining hope and courage as long as I can.

Why am I so scared of the HPT that I canít just POAS and get it over with? Iím 11dp3dpt, so the results would be about 99% accurate. Wouldnít knowing one way or the other be better than the current craziness? Um, not necessarily. Putting off the BFN fallout as long as possible (for 3-4 years would be nice) is pretty attractive. At the moment Iím away from home and DH and about to head into meetings for the next day and half, so have no time for a breakdown. But mostly, Iím just terrified that Iím doomed never to see two lines. As if POAsing will somehow magically make me not pg, but waiting for my beta result will make it different.

So I guess Iíll just stay in here Crazytown for another few days. Beta is on Thursday, but I wonít know the results until Friday afternoon unless AF arrives before then and removes all doubt.

Hope and courage and it ain't over 'til the beta lady sings, right?

Good luck. I am a POAS addict, so I understand entirely. But I do also know the letdown. Hang in there!
Sapphire, it's like you have a direct line to my brain from all of my 2ww's! I know the feeling of craziness; being hopeful one minute only to come crashing down the next and feeling like I am losing my mind. I don't know what you should do. I can see how the extenuating circumstances of being away from home would make the POAS decision even harder. Going with whatever you are most comfortable with at this point seems like the best idea. Sending positive vibes your way and hoping you will get wonderful news on Friday.

Aug 31 2009 12:36 AM
Symptoms means nothing and no symptoms mean less! :blink:
Aug 31 2009 06:00 AM
Good luck with your beta. Hope you get good news. Pink can be anything. Great willpower not to POAS, I couldn't do it. Hope you have a BFP in a couple of days!
I do not like to POAS - I dread it...maybe because mine are always negative :(I pray this is your BFP!!!!
I am praying for you Saffy. I am praying that "Aquamarine" made a good home in there.

Love and blessings
Aug 31 2009 11:06 AM
Saffy - you are in my thoughts and prayers. You have done so well during this 2WW and it is almost over. Try not to fret about symptoms or not - they are the devils work!

Hang in there and know that we are all praying for your BFP!!!

Love and hugs,

nervus optimist
Aug 31 2009 03:38 PM
saffy - you're so close. hang in there. to get the news (whatever it might be) while you're away from home and away from DH doesn't seem practical. hang in there and get the news together. I'm hoping so much that it will be amazing news on friday! I'll get my news friday too.
hi sapphy,

if you POAS it won't necessarily may have to wait till a couple more days. i think it's great you show such willpower....I never could. definitely don't go by the symptoms though - as they really mean nothing. wishing you a BFP soon. take care, deep breaths....

Sapphire - Stay strong - hoping for a great geta number from you soon!
Sep 01 2009 10:36 AM
I am praying Saffy (((hugs)))

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