A ramble about feeling change and being humbled..... - IVF.ca Forums

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A ramble about feeling change and being humbled.....

Posted by CnC , 13 July 2009 · 773 views

I'm not sure how things changed from 8:53 p.m. last night, when i posted my very first blog ever, 'til this morning, but somehow i feel "change" happening. I hope to feel this alot over the coming months...but this morning in particular i woke with optimism that was coupled with a few more symptoms...YEAAAHHHh! I WILL NEVER openly complain about ANY pg symptoms because MANY MANY MANY times I have sat on the other side of the computer screen wanting to just club the woman that complained about "feeling" pregnant....

My renewed optimism came with nausea that has lasted much longer this morning.....and has ebbed and flowed in waves throughout the morning. Do i eat or don't I? I'm hungry, but will i feel worse or better? I have definitely determined that i must start eating a breakfast with more substance to it than a Tim Hortons low fat muffin and a glass of juice. I eat A LOT of fruit...and usually throughout the day, but it's not helping my bowels at all lately (sorry TMI). Yesterday i decided to have some scrambled eggs with mushrooms and peppers, with some whole grain toast and home made hash browns.......mmm..hmmm...about 4 bites in to that i decided it was enough and I was no longer hungry! The dogs were happy though.

As a side note, i haven't mentioned this yet...but i have a farm living in our house! OK, not quite, but not far off. I have two Siberian Huskies (whom are my babies that i absolutely adore), a very cranky cat that only loves me and is slowly warming up to my husband (after 5 years, it's not bad), a Parrot whom also is rather attached to me (I joke with my husband that if we were ever to divorce i would leave the parrot behind just to haunt him because he immitates me perfectly), and a gecko (just like the one on the Telus commercial). Our gecko and vivarium is our latest edition and that's a story for a different blog..i'm getting off topic.....

Another new symptom, it's similar to bloating (which i have had off and on).....except it stays all the time. I feel like i have a balloon taking up residence "down there". I'm thinking that is a positive sign??!!!

But still the one thing that I question most is the cramping. I hear many say "it's normal, your uterus is growing"...but the pulling usually is on one side and that is also something that comes and goes.....

I don't seem to have the food cravings or adversions that others have reported....not yet anyways. But i have noticed a hightened sense of smell AND the vivid dreams. I am fortunate to dream everynight to begin with, but now they are just soooo much more interesting!!!

Again, we'll be all the more wiser come Thursday....only 3 more days!!!

On to my next subject....feeling humbled. I do not know how to put in to words how grateful I am that this opportunity has come upon us. We have been a part of IVF.ca for a little more than 2 years now and we have created some wonderful friendships with many, we have shed many tears for others and for ourselves, and we have drank many glasses of wine in celebration for others too.....but one thing remains.....this site humbles me. A piece of me has been feeling guilty for being pg, especially becoming pg naturally. Although I know somewhere inside of me that my husband and I deserve this too, i also know how announcing that I'm pregnant naturally can make others feel that are still fighting the cruel IF battle. There have been many times that I have been on the other side of the screen and have been ecstatic for a familiar face that has announced that they are pregnant and then the painful reminder would hit me........I would continue to remain elated for that person, but it would also remind me of what i don't have and want so dearly. I'm sorry if I have hurt anyone, that is never my intention....we are all in this battle together, through the highs and lows, ups and downs, and I will always be a cheerleader, a confidant, and most importantly a friend. We are far from out of the woods yet and I would not be where i am today if it wasn't for (first and foremost) my husband (whom is my world), our families, and your continued support!

I also want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone that has posted a message on our blog...it is the best feeling ever to know that people really do care about us, they see our name and wonder "hmm, i wonder what's up with CnC?" It's really a nice feeling to know that others read and care, just as we do.....thank you again!!!

Jul 13 2009 02:07 PM
It's an odd and sometimes uncomfortable transition between the before and after of pregnancy. Given our histories, awareness and understanding it's hard to outwardly celebrate 'too much' for fear of saying the wrong thing or stepping on the wrong toe.

My advise is to truly experience everything that pregnancy has to offer, that includes to the good days and the bad. It includes a little worry and a lot of celebration. It also includes a complain from time to time because sometimes no matter how much we wanted this, how much we paid or how much we sacrificed there could be a day that's just too much. But it will be those lessons, those sacrifices and all that experience that will bring you back and help you feel that much better.

Living is about experience and to experience is to live it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. I will not trade in my tough times, challenging times or sad times, because without those times, i wouldn't be where I am and who I am today.

Humble is good, but don't forget to experience YOUR pregnancy for YOU... and know that should you share your experiences... even the ones that may make you feel a twinge of guilt, that your words are helping someone else as they too feel what it's like to make the transition.

We help where we can... and you'd be surprised at how far it can go. :)

I look forward to more of your entries and hope that this isn't a novelty for you and you're able to stick around and share as life continues to unfold before you :)

Jul 13 2009 02:13 PM
Christie - I can relate to your feelings of feeling bad that it happened naturally (or "almost" naturally" in my case) and others that we are so close to here just keep trying. And I can also relate to that hurt feeling when still ttc and having people around you get that bfp. You are happy for them, but constantly wishing that it was you. And I think the friends you have made on this site who haven't gotten their bfp or baby yet will feel happy for you, but also that little bit of hurt. And we have all been there. And that is OK. We are all here to support each other, like you said, the ups and downs.

I just want to wish you guys the best for this pregnancy. Enjoy all of those symptoms...you have been waiting a long time to experience them. Keep us updated!
Jul 14 2009 01:40 PM
You deserved every happiness and the joy of this pregnancy! Enjoy this magical time.

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