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10 weeks and counting....

Posted by geniegirl , 14 August 2011 · 1026 views

It truly is a miracle that I have gotten this far in my pregnancy. The only reason I have gone this far is because of donor eggs. Had I tried one last IVF with my own, I am sure more tragedy would have ensued. I may never know exactly why my eggs showed abnormalities or fractures - but the happy fact remains that I'm at least past the point of 'having' to know.

The only hitch up to this point is that they've found a blood clot under my uterus (supposedly common in up to 70% of IVF pregnancies) and we had one very scary incident where blood burst everywhere. (TMI i know!). Then the bleeding stopped after about 15 minutes. Because I knew about the blood clot I wasn't 100% terrified, but I did have to beg the Sault Area Hospital to give me an ultrasound as I was visiting my parents at the time!!! All was well thank God!

I still carry the lingering effects of IF with me at every turn - even though I am pregnant. I sense fear around every corner and it's truly hard for me to relax and just enjoy my pregnancy - or even to imagine that this pregnancy will result in actual human beings - that in itself is a huge leap!!!

I find myself angry at IF for robbing me of time and energy. Of course, I am so grateful of where I am now - but I cannot help but recognize my exhaustion resulting from all the procedures that got me here. I only pray I will have the energy left to be a good mom!!!! Maybe this pregnancy fatigue is just getting to my head....but I've been 'feet up" trying to rest so that this blood clot goes down and just a little paranoid about my low levels of energy. I've also noticed that my annoyance threshold with people has gotten even lower! I get annoyed at the drop of a hat and end up spending quite a bit of time alone mostly because of my irritability!

I know I really have no right to complain - after all - I am actually pregnant. It's still SO hard to believe, so hard to wrap my mind around. With every ultrasound, the reality becomes clearer. I've heard this is a common symptom of women who have achieved success after such a long time of trying. I certainly would not be here if it weren't for the support and shared experiences of the women here at IVF.ca. I think it's a community I will keep coming back to for years to come. :flowers:




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silverdollar
Aug 14 2011 01:21 PM
What you are experiencing is totally normal given what you've gone through to get to where you are. It will soften a bit with each milestone you pass. Soon you'll be in the golden second trimester, hopefully the bleed will resolve, and you'll be on your way to mommyhood. Don't worry, IVF mommies are not just good parents, but great ones who are more in tuned with their kids than most.
I can imagine if I ever succeed I will feel the same way for the whole 9 months. I will worry with every twinge and cramp and it will never be a "normal" pregnancy no matter what I'm told. Sorry to hear about the clot, that's so scary. Glad to hear all is well and I agree with SD, you'll be an amazing mom. Keep those feet up, and take good care of yourself. Best wishes.
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joyfulintent
Aug 14 2011 05:14 PM
happy to hear your update!
Looks like we are going through the same thing. If you remember you got your positive result the day before me. I also used a donor egg after trying unsuccessfully for years. Finally I too am pregnant!
Last Wednesday I woke up bleeding. Everything had been going so well up until then. I woke at 5 to a trickling between my legs and pulled the sheets back to a med size pool of blood. I got dressed as headed down to be the first at the clinic with my husband. Thank God they saw the little baby heart beat with the ultra sound, that was such a relief. The lighting was low in the room and the piped music in the office was playing the song Moon River and I thought to myself Jesus I don't need the sad soundtrack in the background, it made me shed a tear.
They discovered I had a clot also so I too have been put on bed rest. Thankfully the bleeding has stopped, today is the first day I have had a clean panty liner! Yay for me! Anyway I understand how you are feeling. Its hard to enjoy the pregnancy and actually believe I am pregnant. My husband has been very cautious and hasn't been into the game of "name the baby". Finally he has started to suggest names and now because of the bleed I am the one feeling cautious and worrying that we will loose the baby and we will be devastated. Its the first time he has allowed himself to be excited after 6 years of trying, this may actually work! Just another 2 weeks to go Genie girl and the cautious first trimester will be over. Hang in there.
Congratulations Geniegirl - after 12 years of trying...and trying..and trying again we too are finally pregnant. I'm 24 weeks as of today and STILL haven't been able to really get into the pregnancy feeling b/c of my fears and what-ifs. Best of luck with everything!!
Best of luck Genie Girl. Your fear is totally normal given all that you have been through. I wish you a great 9 months. Thanks for the update!
Wow iam so happy for you..it has been a long road...i missed so much. Hugs to you. Look. Fwd to catching up :)