Farewell...

I know that the time for my blog has passed - I have been essentially absent now for 2 1/2 months since the babies arrived and posted only rarely during the last months of my pregnancy - and yet it and the wonderful support from all of you have been such an important part of my journey that it didn't seem right to simply let it fade away - I wanted to write one final entry to express my sincere thanks and to say good-bye.

I started blogging after my first ivf ended in miscarriage caused by trisomy 13. I have glanced through my many early entries as part of the process of saying good-bye and vividly recall how grim my mood was so often; how little hope I held. When ivf #2 seemed to be a bust with the risk of cancellation and such a poor response, I felt such grief. And then, against all odds the miracle happened, and it was a multiple miracle.

Sitting here today looking at my sleeping boys, I obviously have no idea why I was so blessed and why things worked out as they did when others I have traveled with continue in pain and despair. But I am eternally grateful for myself and my DH and so hopeful that everyone here finds their path and what they seek.

This blog has been such a luxury for me - a place where I was able to work through so many emotions and ideas and to feel invariably safe and supported. Rick - how can any of us ever thank you enough for all that you have done in creating and maintaining this place? You are a special person and I hope that you feel the love and appreciation that we all have for you.

To all of the ladies here - many of you have been so generous with me and provided such wonderful and kind support - thank you from the bottom of my heart. There were days last spring and through ivf #2 where I spent upwards of 4 hours a day here, reading, thinking, writing. Without this community I would have been much less informed, and much more distressed. Some of the friendships have transcended this place and now exist in the "real world" - what an incredible gift.

I do hope that as time passes, this blog might live on and provide some small support to others on their paths. I read many other blogs in their entirety during my journey and was so inspired by the bravery and beauty they revealed.

My title was inspired by a movie - and the idea that even after you go beyond the point where everything seems absolutely hopeless that life has a way of changing. And sometimes, the changes bring gifts that are better than we might ever have imagined. I don't know where my journey will lead now. Alex and Jake are well and thriving and filling our days and nights with love and activity. My DH would love to have more children; as would I, but that is another chapter that has yet to be written. You will know if I reappear in the blog-sphere that we are trying again! For now, I count my incredible blessings and marvel at the extent to which my life has changed in 12 short months.

To all of you who have followed my journey and provided your love and support - thank you - you and this place are a very special gift. May all of your dreams come true along this arduous pathway.

Keep the faith; feel the love - it is all around you.

AH