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Six weeks old...
Posted by
Anotherhopeful
,
30 April 2010
·
1859 views
Six weeks has already passed on this next leg of our journey - and what a six weeks it has been!
We are so blessed to have healthy boys, despite the IUGR and their relatively low birth weights. Both boys are growing well, with Jacob doing his best to chase down his older brother, and at a medical appointment earlier this week both weighed in over 7 pounds.
Alex is proving to be a far mellower baby - he rarely fusses, sleeps well and is very "bright eyed" in his play time. He tends to eat slowly, like his dad, and to be very expressive as things move out the other end. There have definitely been a few comic moments on this front - both when well wishers are visiting and holding him and at the change table.
Our little Jake is a feisty one, and considerably more fussy. He runs from 0 - 60 in a matter of seconds and will go from sleeping peacefully to ear splitting screams when it is least expected. Jake embraces life - gulps his food, grabs and hangs on, studies everything around him.
We had the benefit of my mother coming to stay for the first 4 weeks of their life, and it was lovely being mothered. Although it wasn't all roses, her being with us was so important to us as we took our first steps in parenthood. I was sad to see her go and very sad that she lives on the other side of the continent. Thank goodness for Skype and air travel.
Feeding has been a very significant challenge. When they arrived, neither Alex or Jake were able to latch on, so we began syringe feeding them, first with donated breast milk and later with my expressed milk. After the first week, concerned about my supply, I began pumping every two hours in a bid to increase my supply, and between the pumping and the feeding was lucky to piece together two or three hours of sleep a day. We received frustratingly varied advice on how and when to transition the boys to the breast, with the community health nurse who was assigned to us advising against it entirely until the boys had gained more weight. By the end of the third week I was really unraveling - the combination of sleep deprivation, pain from the constant pumping, and frustration. I learned that week that I was damaging by nipples by using a flange on the pump collector that was too small - if there is one piece of advice I would love to pass on to any of you who will pump, please ensure that you are using a large enough flange. The substitute cost only $30 and literally kept me from jumping off a bridge as a result of the pain.
It was during that third weekend of the boys life at my twin prenatal class reunion that our instructor told me that the advice to date was nonsense and proceeded to get both boys to latch and have their first feed at the breast. She also recommended that we change to bottle feeding immediately for any expressed milk or supplement. We did, and I am relieved that neither boy has to date had any nipple confusion. So began the next chapter.
Breastfeeding has been a real struggle. It was hugely important to me that I do it; in some ways I had built it up too much - thinking that I hadn't had the conception I wanted, the pregnancy I wanted or the birth I wanted, but I was certainly going to feed the boys the way I wanted. Any of you who have followed my story know what comes next - another chance to learn the lesson of acceptance, patience and that sometimes trying harder doesn't help.
Although we are all continuing to learn, latching is an ongoing challenge. Jake in particular is a fighter and if he has already reached 60 mph, he will struggle, squirm, scratch and bite for several minutes before settling on to the breast for his dinner. Alex is less combative, but does squirm and scratch. We have all been in tears several times.
The experience of breastfeeding not coming easily has been so similar emotionally to my journey through infertility - it has brought up all of the same emotions and insecurities - the feeling that I am not somehow good enough, and that my body is betraying me. Adequate milk production is I believe the root of the problem - I have to work very hard to stay ahead of the curve with the pump (common with "older" women I am told) - as well as not putting the boys to breast sooner (these two issues are intimately related).
We have tapped into several of resources - and tried to find our way through all of the conflicting information. Several of you pointed me to the Newman Breastfeeding Clinic website (Google Toronto Breastfeeding Clinic) and I think it is perhaps the best resource of all with helpful video and written information. My own family doctor has referred me to the Vancouver Breastfeeding Clinic and they have prescribed medication to get my milk production up and hopefully by next week I will be one of those women who can squirt across the room (I tried the herbs recommended by Newman with little effect)! They also diagnosed a breast infection that was contributing to the significant breast pain I was experiencing, and at times making it impossible for me to even attempt putting the boys to breast. The Vancouver clinic seems a bit more traditionally medical and formal that the Toronto one, but at least we are making progress.
Adding attempts at putting each of Jake and Alex to breast with their (now) bottle feeding and pumping has been very tiring and I have wanted to give up 100 times; but each time my stubbornness comes through and slowly we are making progress. This week has been light years ahead of last week, and I am confident that moving forward it will get better. I am getting past my fear of the pain - thanks to the medication for the infection and my new affection for Advil (it is safe for the babies) - and of course the pain is decreasing as the infection clears.
I am staying focused on my goal - getting as much breast milk into these guys as I can, for as long as I can, in the easiest delivery method possible while accepting that my idealized dream of what it would be like to breastfeed was just a dream. It is so easy to get discouraged, and frankly I make the decision to keep going every single day. Cutting myself some slack sometimes means that I don't put the boys on the breast due to pain, and instead pump their meal and give it to them in a bottle; we have also resorted to formula a few times during their growth spurts when I haven't been able to keep up.
I hope that none of what I have written will discourage any of you - that is the opposite of my intention. I think that breastfeeding - particularly with twins - provides a number of wonderful benefits both to the babies and to mum. Even though I had read two books on breastfeeding and watched a few DVD's before the delivery, I think my biggest mistake was in failing to really trust my own instinct and opinion and being swayed by all the conflicting information. Breastfeeding really is an art and both baby and mum must learn the dance that works best for their coupling. Not all the advice you get - even from docs and nurses - is necessarily suitable for you and your baby (babies). Remember all that was learned on the IF road and be your own advocate.
Forgive this mama her preaching and her photos!
Our own lovely Saffy handcrafted the sweaters you see in one of the photos - they were passed on to me by Tabby, and dear Kat sent along the fun yellow sleeper! What a community!
Love to you all on your journey.
AH
We are so blessed to have healthy boys, despite the IUGR and their relatively low birth weights. Both boys are growing well, with Jacob doing his best to chase down his older brother, and at a medical appointment earlier this week both weighed in over 7 pounds.
Alex is proving to be a far mellower baby - he rarely fusses, sleeps well and is very "bright eyed" in his play time. He tends to eat slowly, like his dad, and to be very expressive as things move out the other end. There have definitely been a few comic moments on this front - both when well wishers are visiting and holding him and at the change table.
Our little Jake is a feisty one, and considerably more fussy. He runs from 0 - 60 in a matter of seconds and will go from sleeping peacefully to ear splitting screams when it is least expected. Jake embraces life - gulps his food, grabs and hangs on, studies everything around him.
We had the benefit of my mother coming to stay for the first 4 weeks of their life, and it was lovely being mothered. Although it wasn't all roses, her being with us was so important to us as we took our first steps in parenthood. I was sad to see her go and very sad that she lives on the other side of the continent. Thank goodness for Skype and air travel.
Feeding has been a very significant challenge. When they arrived, neither Alex or Jake were able to latch on, so we began syringe feeding them, first with donated breast milk and later with my expressed milk. After the first week, concerned about my supply, I began pumping every two hours in a bid to increase my supply, and between the pumping and the feeding was lucky to piece together two or three hours of sleep a day. We received frustratingly varied advice on how and when to transition the boys to the breast, with the community health nurse who was assigned to us advising against it entirely until the boys had gained more weight. By the end of the third week I was really unraveling - the combination of sleep deprivation, pain from the constant pumping, and frustration. I learned that week that I was damaging by nipples by using a flange on the pump collector that was too small - if there is one piece of advice I would love to pass on to any of you who will pump, please ensure that you are using a large enough flange. The substitute cost only $30 and literally kept me from jumping off a bridge as a result of the pain.
It was during that third weekend of the boys life at my twin prenatal class reunion that our instructor told me that the advice to date was nonsense and proceeded to get both boys to latch and have their first feed at the breast. She also recommended that we change to bottle feeding immediately for any expressed milk or supplement. We did, and I am relieved that neither boy has to date had any nipple confusion. So began the next chapter.
Breastfeeding has been a real struggle. It was hugely important to me that I do it; in some ways I had built it up too much - thinking that I hadn't had the conception I wanted, the pregnancy I wanted or the birth I wanted, but I was certainly going to feed the boys the way I wanted. Any of you who have followed my story know what comes next - another chance to learn the lesson of acceptance, patience and that sometimes trying harder doesn't help.
Although we are all continuing to learn, latching is an ongoing challenge. Jake in particular is a fighter and if he has already reached 60 mph, he will struggle, squirm, scratch and bite for several minutes before settling on to the breast for his dinner. Alex is less combative, but does squirm and scratch. We have all been in tears several times.
The experience of breastfeeding not coming easily has been so similar emotionally to my journey through infertility - it has brought up all of the same emotions and insecurities - the feeling that I am not somehow good enough, and that my body is betraying me. Adequate milk production is I believe the root of the problem - I have to work very hard to stay ahead of the curve with the pump (common with "older" women I am told) - as well as not putting the boys to breast sooner (these two issues are intimately related).
We have tapped into several of resources - and tried to find our way through all of the conflicting information. Several of you pointed me to the Newman Breastfeeding Clinic website (Google Toronto Breastfeeding Clinic) and I think it is perhaps the best resource of all with helpful video and written information. My own family doctor has referred me to the Vancouver Breastfeeding Clinic and they have prescribed medication to get my milk production up and hopefully by next week I will be one of those women who can squirt across the room (I tried the herbs recommended by Newman with little effect)! They also diagnosed a breast infection that was contributing to the significant breast pain I was experiencing, and at times making it impossible for me to even attempt putting the boys to breast. The Vancouver clinic seems a bit more traditionally medical and formal that the Toronto one, but at least we are making progress.
Adding attempts at putting each of Jake and Alex to breast with their (now) bottle feeding and pumping has been very tiring and I have wanted to give up 100 times; but each time my stubbornness comes through and slowly we are making progress. This week has been light years ahead of last week, and I am confident that moving forward it will get better. I am getting past my fear of the pain - thanks to the medication for the infection and my new affection for Advil (it is safe for the babies) - and of course the pain is decreasing as the infection clears.
I am staying focused on my goal - getting as much breast milk into these guys as I can, for as long as I can, in the easiest delivery method possible while accepting that my idealized dream of what it would be like to breastfeed was just a dream. It is so easy to get discouraged, and frankly I make the decision to keep going every single day. Cutting myself some slack sometimes means that I don't put the boys on the breast due to pain, and instead pump their meal and give it to them in a bottle; we have also resorted to formula a few times during their growth spurts when I haven't been able to keep up.
I hope that none of what I have written will discourage any of you - that is the opposite of my intention. I think that breastfeeding - particularly with twins - provides a number of wonderful benefits both to the babies and to mum. Even though I had read two books on breastfeeding and watched a few DVD's before the delivery, I think my biggest mistake was in failing to really trust my own instinct and opinion and being swayed by all the conflicting information. Breastfeeding really is an art and both baby and mum must learn the dance that works best for their coupling. Not all the advice you get - even from docs and nurses - is necessarily suitable for you and your baby (babies). Remember all that was learned on the IF road and be your own advocate.
Forgive this mama her preaching and her photos!
Our own lovely Saffy handcrafted the sweaters you see in one of the photos - they were passed on to me by Tabby, and dear Kat sent along the fun yellow sleeper! What a community!
Love to you all on your journey.
AH
