34 weeks and counting - IVF.ca Forums

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34 weeks and counting

Posted by Anotherhopeful , 05 March 2010 · 1235 views

Optimism is shining her sweet and sunny light into my closed little world today. Who would have thought 15 weeks ago when the cervix panic began that the munchkins would cooperate so well and stay on the inside for this long? DH is now convinced that the doctors will have to forcibly remove the munchkins they clearly have no intention of making an appearance despite multiple predictions to the contrary. Baby A remains breach, so my c-section has been scheduled for 7:45 am on April 1 at exactly 38 weeks. I wouldn't have chosen April Fool's Day for my sons' birthdays had I been given the choice, but I will take it!

Knowing that not later than four weeks from now we will move on to the next chapter is wonderful and exciting in so many ways. The sleep disturbance, the acid reflux, the belly and groin pain, the immobility - can be dealt with in the context of a discrete time frame. 28 days or less - it is doable.

Although I officially graduated from the Home Care program yesterday, my OB, as well as the nurses who administer the program have all strongly recommended that I continue on the same strictly reduced activity program until 36 weeks. Three weeks ago this advice would have sent me into a straight jacket, but in my comparatively sunny space today I am okaywith it. Another two weeks seems entirely manageable emotionally and it might mean as much as another pound of baby fat on each of these two little guys, not to mention insurance in the form of improved lung development and the sucking reflex. Oh how I would love to deliver take home babies!

In practical terms, we are almost there decorative quilts are hung on the walls, clothing is washed and sorted into drawers, cribs are set up, bouncy chairs and gliders are in place. The nursery is complete except for final touches like mobiles and new baseboard a job DH promises to complete this weekend. No, we still don't have a stair rail, repaired walls or paint in the hallway, or grass in our front yard. But as I wrote in my last entry, perhaps the true gift of these 15 weeks of immobility and the battle with darkness that I have been engaged in is that I know in my heart of hearts that it doesn't matter. My "letting go lesson" continues to deepen. DH has been so wonderful these last weeks and months; he has shown so much love, compassion and commitment to me and to the munchkins. They might not arrive to a home renovated to the extent we expected or hoped, but they will absolutely come home to a daddy and mummy who love and adore them. That is what they will remember.

And I am absolutely positive that 20 years from now, looking back on these last months and the magical weeks that lie ahead, that baseboards, paint and lawn will not enter into the equation!

Knowing that this might be my last entry before the munchkins arrive and mayhem ensues, I wanted to close this entry by letting you know about two books that I want to recommend to the forum. The first is, "The Birth of a Mother", by Daniel Stern, MD, Nadia Bruscheweiler-Stern, MD and Alison Freeland. To lift a line from the back of the book, it "gives voice to often unexpressed thoughts, feelings and fears that accompany motherhood, preparing pregnant women and new mothers for the journey they are beginning." There is so much (I know I feel like I have read 90% of it) about the practicalities of preparation for a child and taking care of them, but little that talks about the psychological aspects of the journey. This booked has been a great help to me and I hope some of you might also benefit from it.

Second, a more ominous title, "I Wish Someone had Told Me", by Nina Barrett. This book is a wonderful debunking of the "shoulds". The LA Times quote on the back cover reads: The kind of stuff a new mom is hungry to read. Balm for the frazzled spirit who is certain that 1) she is crazy, 2) she is a miserable failure as a mother, and 3) she is the only mom in the history of the world who has been unable to cope effortlessly with the isolation, exhaustion and relentless demands of motherhood." It might sound like doom and gloom, but is actually a lovely compilation of the voices of 60 + new moms and is very affirming and honest.

For so many of you who have shared in my journey thus far, my deepest and most heartfelt thanks. This blog hasn't always been a sunny place, but it has always been warmed by the wisdom and love of this wonderful community.

Lots of love to you and the boys. I will be praying for a safe arrival! ((How cool, my sons too were born at exactly 38 weeks via emergency c section on May 1st ;) ))

Big hugs! XOxoxo
I am so happy to read your blog today!! Super happy for your good news and it made my tough day so much better to know that you and the munchkins are well.

Sending lots of love and hugs.
Yipee! Fingers crossed for baby fat, lung power, and suction! May everything proceed just as you hope!
So excited for your next chapter - I have followed your journey and I could not be happier for you!!!
Mar 06 2010 09:11 AM
AH - you brought sunny optimism into my day today too. Im so excited for you! You are going to be the most prepared mom out there, even without the renovations done. You have 2 very lucky little boys about to meet you and i bet they can't wait. ;)
I am so so very happy for you that your boys have contentedly stayed put! I can't wait to hear how the rest of your journey goes.
AH, So wonderful as always to read your words. I feel so happy for you making it to this milestone and with such strength and grace! Wishing that the next 4 weeks are speedy and 2 healthy little munchins are safely delivered. Thanks also for the book recommendations - I will check them out. ;)
Mar 06 2010 12:29 PM
What a joy you have sprung in my heart today. Thanks sweet friend.

I am so happy for you and know that April 1st will be a special day for you and the munchkins! Your husband is blessed to have you as well as your boys!

Thanks friend for sharing this post with us all.

You will remain in mu prayers for the duration of your pregnancy and I am praying your babymoon is smooth and wonderful.

Love, hugs and many blessings,

Hey there my friend!

I'm not excatly sure why, but your entry brought me to tears (as they always do!). Tears of happiness, I suppose...and, as well, I gueess that your entry rings with familiarlity as it was only a short while ago that I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little men. I know how excited you must be right now, especially now that you are past that critical stage of worry. What a journey you've been on over the past 15 weeks. Sounds like there has been as much sunshine as there has been darkness. You are a real testament to the others ladies here that anything is possible. I am so very, very excited for you. Please keep in touch.

(PS - I was just on my way to Chapters when I decided to pop on here for a quick sec; so glad I did, as I will take a look for your second book recco...as I can very much relate to (a) feeling CRAZY! (;) feeling like a failure most days, lol!
Beautifully expressed, you have a way of bringing me into your world for a moment. Best wishes to you as bring home your precious children.
Wow honey I can't believe it has been 34 weeks already. They seem to have flown by but I'm sure it has felt much different to you. One more month and your beautiful boys will be with you. I am so glad to hear everything is going well. You sound in the exact perfect place right now. Those are two very lucky little ones to have you. Much love, Aja
;) can't wait to read your next blog entry!!! Hoping you stay in the sunniest of places until April 1st! Best of luck to you!
Mar 06 2010 10:44 PM
wonderful news - well done, mom! can't wait for the next instalment
What wonderful news.

You and the boys are all troopers for making it this far and there is every indication you can hang on a few more weeks. I like to think I've been learning a little of the 'letting go' lesson vicariously through you (though four IVF cycles has taught me a few things under that heading as well). As tough as these bedridden months have been, you'll always be able to look back and know that they served an important emotional as well as physical purpose.

Will be waiting with bated breath...
thinking of you and your munchkins! you've done a fabulous job so far, Mama!! way to go!! we're all very proud of you!

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Me: 40, DH: 45, TTC: 2 years, Issue: Male factor (morphology, count, motility and agglutination) and my age

IVF#1: Feb 7/09 Flare Protocol, ER: Feb 20/09 11 eggs, 7 mature, 3 fertilized w/ ICSI, ET: Feb 22, 2009, 1 4 cell A-, 2 2 cell B, no frosties HPT: March 6: BFP, BETA #1: March 9, 2009 - 808, BETA #2: March 16, 2009 - 13,535U/S March 21, 2009 - heartbeat 120, 5 mm! U/S March 31, 2009 - not viable, "missed m/c"; meds April 4; procedure May 20; baby was a girl

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