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Infertility: the recovery

Posted by mollygirl21 , 22 September 2012 · 2722 views

It's been a long time since I have made a blog entry but I feel like there has been a shift in my life recently and over the past 4.5 years, this has been my place to work through these feelings so here I am. Our baby boy is almost 7 months old (he came to us as a gift of a donated embryo) and is thriving. He is wonderful


Fitting for my 101st blog entry - My Story

Posted by mollygirl21 , 10 October 2011 · 3811 views

A couple of months ago, Rick contacted me and asked if I would be interested in writing "my story". I was flattered but also speechless. To write my story, I would have to look back over this whole journey we have taken to get to this point (20 weeks pregnant - yay!) and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to revisit all that.

But as I la...


Terrified yet optimistic?

Posted by mollygirl21 , 16 August 2011 · 2958 views

Less than 48 hours to go until we see the baby at our 12w u/s. I am terrified of that moment. We went into our 12w u/s last time (2 years ago) absolutely oblivious to the possibility that anything could be wrong only to be absolutely devastated with the news our baby had died. I am trying so hard to not believe that could happen again but it's impossi...


The worst didn't happen

Posted by mollygirl21 , 12 July 2011 · 3208 views

I have a quote in one of the little windows on my blog from Michael J. Fox and I love that quote but I didn't follow it's message today."If you live expecting the worst, then you will experience the worst even if it doesn't happen". I experienced the worst this morning before I went to my u/s but the worst didn't happen. Yet I live...



Posted by mollygirl21 , 19 June 2011 · 7353 views

We did it! I'm pregnant! Woohooooo!!! I broke my own rule this morning and poas and quickly saw two lines  :yahoo: I am 11dp3dt today and my beta is scheduled for Wednesday. If all goes according to plan, my due date will be Feb 25. We've already told our families and some have expressed concern over getting too excited too ear...


My trip to Calgary to pick up our donated embryos

Posted by mollygirl21 , 10 June 2011 · 2271 views

I'm back home from a great and very productive trip to Calgary. I flew home yesterday with two babies on board and our test date is June 23. I flew to Calgary on Sunday, June 5 and stayed with Kat and her wonderful family. Her babies are absolutely gorgeous - full of smiles and such pleasant little personalities. They weren't feeling 100% but it d...


What am I feeling?

Posted by mollygirl21 , 03 June 2011 · 2168 views

We are so close to the FET with those gorgeous donated embryos. I had my lining check this morning and it was good at 8.5mm. I talked to the Calgary clinic and they have me scheduled for transfer on Wednesday June 8! I'm flying to Calgary on standby so I have to plan for the possibility that I won't get there when I intend to get there. Ideall...


It's finally happening!

Posted by mollygirl21 , 05 May 2011 · 2626 views

After months of planning, gathering info, seeing doctors, setbacks, little breaks, tears, and joy, our time has come. I am going to Calgary to pick up those beautiful embryos that two wonderful angels have donated to us!We finally got everything crossed off our checklist yestday. I am on CD19 of this cycle and was told that I would be calling in my ne...


Preparing for psychologist appt

Posted by mollygirl21 , 14 April 2011 · 1679 views

When you are doing a donor embryo cycle, you have to think of things you never would have thought of before. You have to have conversations with your spouse and the donors about things. It's now time to have longer talks with DH because we need to prepare to meet the psychologist. The donors met with her today (the psychologist's name is Rhonda an...


A night at the hospital

Posted by mollygirl21 , 12 April 2011 · 1773 views

A year and a half ago, my DH and I joyfully went to our 12 week u/s appt, excitedly anticipating seeing our little baby up on that screen, hoping to see arms and legs, heart, head and anything else. I'll never forget the nurse's words "I'm sorry, I have no good news for you today" and our dream was over.Flash forward to 8pm tonight. We...

Donor FET June 2011

FET with Donated Embryos
Jan 8, 2011 - first message from donors
Feb 1 - informed RFP of our intention
Feb 10 - donors rec'd docs to sign
Feb 11 - we rec'd docs to sign
Feb 14 - RFP waived home study req'mt
Feb 23 - appt with my family dr - HSG is up to date!
Mar 1 - pelvic u/s
Mar 8 - donors submitted signed docs
Mar 10 - told we need genetic counselling
Apr 6 - met with Dr regarding genetics
Apr 7 - DH and I had b/w done
Apr 14 - donor's psychologist appt
April 17 - CD1
Apr 20 - our psychologist appt (by phone)
Apr 22 - "met" the donor by phone
Apr 26 - donor b/w complete
May 3 - second meeting with donors and psychologist
May 5 - everything's done!
May 7 - start suprefact
May 11 - uterine biopsy
May 21 - start estrace
June 3 - u/s to check lining
June 5 - travel to Calgary
June 6 - start progesterone
June 8 - TRANSFER!
June 9 - home from Calgary
June 22 - beta 564
July 12 - first u/s at 7wks

PUPO Journal

Transferred 3 embryos on Saturday June 27, 2009.
3dt: June 27 - ET in the morning, slept for the afternoon and went to the Bon Jovi concert in Moncton that night!
1dp3dt: June 28 - relaxed, was nauseous from the Dostinex
2dp3dt: June 29 - back to work first day since ET. Still nauseous, exhausted (slept 12 hours last night) and a bit crampy.
3dp3dt: June 30 - nauseous, tired. Went to chiropractor for my neck and arm.
5dp3dt: July 2 - nausea is gone, neck still hurts, went to massage today. Slight cramps.
8dp3dt: July 5 - still crampy, woke up with heavy/tight feeling in lower abdomen, starting to breakout on my face
10dp3dt: July 7 - bbs not as sore, cramps have subsided somewhat
11dp3dt: July 8 - woke up with AF like cramps - much stronger than the cramps I've felt all along. Today is 11dp3dt.
12dp3dt: July 9 - not much cramping. Feeling good today 12dp3dt
13dp3dt: July 10 - BFP! Beta 164
20dp3dt: July 17 - beta 1440

IVF#2 Important Dates

May 6, 2009 - CD1
May 15 - uterine biopsy #1 - CD9
May 19 - uterine biopsy #2 - CD13
May 26 - start Suprefact
May 27 - uterine biopsy #3 - CD22
June 3 - AF started
June 10 - down regulation check
June 11 - start injections 375 Bravelle, 75 Repronex
June 12 - both start antibiotics
June 15 - b/w E2 800
June 18 - b/w & u/s E2 5000, 28-34 follicles
June 19 - b/w E2 9000
June 20 - b/w & u/s E2 15,000
June 21 - b/w E2 23,000
June 22 - b/w &u/s, E2 32,000, trigger tonight
June 24 - ER, 23 eggs
June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized
June 26 - only 4 viable embryos
June 27 - transferred 3: two 8 cell grade 18, one 6 cell grade 17
July 10 - beta

IVF#2 Journal

Leading up to IVF#2 - I had 3 uterine biopsies and I think they did something because my period was heavier and longer than ever. It lasted a full 7 days and was heavy for 2 of those. My lining was definitely affected by the biopsies. I have felt very optimistic and hopeful that this will work this time and even if it doesn't I know I will survive. Physically feeling great, no side effects other than a couple hot flashes from the suprefact.
June 10 - Down Regulation check today. Uterine lining very thin, ovaries nice and quiet - the follicles were very small so she was only able to count 5 or 6 on my right, didn't mention how many on the left. She said more will reveal themselves as they get bigger. As usual, it was difficult to see my uterus and left ovary and it took her some time with the wand. Feeling good!
Day 1: June 11 - first injection tonight. Mentally and emotionally still feeling good but physically I'm feeling awful - headache, crampy, gassy, bloated and my hands are icy cold and aching. They started hurting yesterday and got worse today and now they are cold unless they are tucked in under my legs. Injection hurt just like I remember, the pharmicist tells me it's the repronex.
Day 2: June 12 - started antibiotics this morning. The bottle said to take with food but I was late so I skipped breakfast. I felt very sick by the time I got to work, lesson learned. Feeling better today (other than that little episode). Had a little dark brown discharge tonight. Got a great new haircut last night, feeling great!
Day 3: June 13 - Day 3 of injections, nothing to report except that I've developed a few very large pimples. Going shopping today with mil and gmil.
Day 4: June 14 - day 4 and DH hit a vein tonight. Not too bad, just a bit more painful. I don't look when he injects me but he said tonight when I flexed from the pain, it pushed the needle right out! Luckily the medicine was already injected. Feels fine now. I think I have a touch of food poisoning, had some undercooked chicken for supper.
Day 5: June 15 - had my bloodwork done this morning to check my estrogen levels and everything looks good, the nurse said I am responding very well to this dose. This is when they had to increase the dose last time. My level last time was 480 at this point but today I am over 800. Next check up is Thurs for b/w and u/s. Feeling a little bloated and gassy today, still energized and positive though.
Day 7: June 17 - I'm starting to notice my ovaries (could be gas too). I'm a bit bloated and the injection sites are irritated. I feel best in my sweats. Lots of ewcm started today. I'm tired, I find I don't sleep well on the drugs.
Day 8: June 18 - day 8 u/s this morning, uterine lining on track (around 7mm) and 18-22 follicles on right, 10-12 on left (could be more, it hides). All follicles measuring around 10mm. Estrogen level is around 5000. Woohooo!
Day 9: June 19 - day 9 b/w - Estrogen has shot up to 9000. Lowering my dose to 225 bravelle and 75 repronex.June 20 - Estrogen up to 15,000, still lots of follicles measuring 12 - 15 mm, lining 9.5. Lowered dose again to 150 bravelle plus 75 repronex
Day 11: June 21 - E2 23,000, no injection tonight, hope to trigger tomorrow.
Day 12: June 22 - u/s showed 15 -18 follicles on each side, measuring 17-20mms. Trigger tonight, ER Wed June 24. E2 level is 32,000 so I'm at high risk for OHSS but we decided to go for it
Day 13: June 23 - no needles, no tests today. I'm tired, grumpy, nauseous, bbs are sore. ER is tomorrow
Day 14 ER day: June 24 - ER went well, 23 eggs. June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized. I'm sore and a bit bloated plus nauseous from dostinex. no sign of OHSS though
Day 16: June 26 - devastating day - only 4 look to be viable, others are severely fragmented. Need to decide on 3day or 5 day tranfser. Leaning toward 5 day. Will meet with dr on day 3 to decide. Best ones are a 4 cell and a 2 cell.
Day 17 3dt: June 27 - met with dr, decided on 3 day transfer. 2 of the embryos took off over night and have become "beautiful" 8 cell embies, graded 18/20 with less than 10% fragmentation. Transferred those plus a 6 cell grade 17 with little fragmentation.

Note to Self:

Read and re-read while PUPO:Enjoy this time of not knowing. Keep hope close to you and do not poas. It will be inconclusive. The best way to spend these 2 weeks is imagining pregnancy and motherhood. Imagine that this has worked and you will soon know for sure - we are pregnant!Keep hope alive until the very last minute, until you go for your beta and know for sure. Keep the dream alive, keep the fantasy alive. Do not give in to your thoughts of poas. Wait for the beta and keep hoping and dreaming.Love, Yourself in saner moments

Favourite Sayings

After climbing a great hill, one only finds there are more hills to climb.I have taken a moment here to rest,to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me and to look back on the distance I have come.But I dare not linger and can only rest a moment,for my long walk has not ended. -Nelson Mandela

It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -Walt Disney

If you live expecting the worst then you will experience even if it doesn't happen and if it does happen, you will have lived it twice. - Michael J Fox

A little about me

Clinic: AART, Halifax
Treatment History:
began July 2008
IUI with ovarian stim
IVF #1 - BFN
IVF #2 - BFP
M/C at 13 weeks on Sept 8, 2009
Mar 2010 - finished PRIDE classes
we're adopting!
Feb 2011 - doing FET with donor embryos

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IVF #2 $$$$

Paid clinic $5,250
Suprefact $35
Repronex (7days) $453
Antibiotics $7Bravelle (7days) $2143
Bravelle (1 day) $315
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $193
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $132
Repronex (1 day) $74
Suprefact $19
HCG Trigger $89
Total so far: $8,858


CD1 - January 1, 2009
Jan 21 - started suprefact nasal spray
Feb 4 - down regulation check, good to go
Feb 5 - started injectibles started with 225 units Bravelle increased to 375 untis on day 5 75 units Repronex
Feb 6 - DH and I both started antibiotics
Feb 19 - Egg Retrieval resulted in 7 eggs 5 eggs fertilized
Feb 22 - Day 3 transfer: one 8 cell grade 17 embryo two 6 cell grade 16 embryosBeta scheduled for Friday Mar 6
March 6 - AF arrived, BFN

PUPO journal (donor FET)

Transfer Day - Wed, June 8, 2011
1dpt - flew home, some cramps, diarrhea
2dpt - had sharp pain in mid-upper abdomen, few cramps - gas?
3dpt - twinges
4dpt - bbs starting to get sore, progesterone kicking in
5dpt - tight feeling in pelvic area, few light cramps
6dpt - crampy, tired midday, exhausted in evening, slightly nauseous
7dpt - crampy, full feeling in pelvic area, bloated, legs aching
8dpt - cramps not so strong, bbs sore off and on but only a little, feet swollen (shoes feel tight), not tired, uterus no longer feels cold
9dpt - no cramps, bbs little sore. Leg cramps last night while sleeping.
10dpt - feel completely normal - no cramps
11dpt - bfp on hpt! crampy but I feel good
12dpt - slightly nauseous :) legs are aching
13dpt - cramps, uterus feels cold again. b/w done for beta
14dpt - some twinges, bbs sore, feel full. little nausea when I eat greasy food. Stopped taking daily low dose aspirin
BETA is 564!
15dpt - no cramps at all
16dpt - beta is 2286 (3 days after first one)

Pregnancy Journal

5 weeks - I don't feel anything some days. I told DH last night that I'm a little concerned that I'm not pregnant anymore... other days, I'm tired, sore bbs and twitches in my pelvic area. Happy :)
5w3d - optimism is waning today. For no reason, I am suddenly scared for my first u/s.
5w5d - started spotting. Cramps are worse today than they have been in the past few days. I felt that something changed 2 days ago - I suddenly wasn't tired like I had been. Bbs still sore. Semi- queasy last night.
6w3d - my belly is pulsating! Seriously nauseous yesterday. Lightheaded at times, headaches come and go.
7w - nausea has subsided, spotting and cramping after my afternoon prometrium dose.
7w1d - u/s shows one heartbeat and a second undeveloped sac. Baby measures 1.1cm CRL and 7w2d. Dr. Young says he calculates my due date to be Feb 24 (Calgary said Feb 27). Next u/s Aug 18 with Dr Young at IWK.
7w3d - started diclectin last night, felt great for breakfast. bbs very sore.
8w - nausea comes and goes so I take diclectin as I need it. Very tired in the afternoons. Little bump shows in the evening :)
9w - heard the heartbeat on the doppler last night! The reading showed about 120bpm. Nauseous, tired today. Had great energy yesterday though. Super cranky two days ago - hormone surge?
12w4d - had our u/s today and everything looks great. I'm feeling great - started getting some energy back about a week and a half ago. And i'm down to one diclectin every other day or so. Getting headaches but they go away if I close my eyes for 10 mins or so. Bought our first baby-related item today: a Sophie the Giraffe!