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Still feeling like a mess, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnell
Posted by
tigerlady
,
08 July 2010
·
1438 views
I called my doctor back yesterday and let them know the second dose of,,,,,,,i forget the name now, the stuff to make me miscarry, has not worked and wondered if they would give me a new prescription. But they didn't. They just told me to keep my u/s appt on friday and see the doc and go from there. Like really???? Feels so pointless to keep having ultrasounds, I have had an ultrasound every second day since i am preg and I am over 7 weeks. AGHHH. I am so tired of having that probe shoved up my **&^&*&^*. HAHA Anyways about an hour after they called, I started to bleed and I have been bleeding with cramps ever since, but not enough blood to say its even a period, so I dont know if I am miscarrying. Hell they dont even know if I ahve something to miscarry LOL. It still can be a tubal. So weird, why cant they figure this out.
Back track,,I am not sure if I shared my daycare fiasco with you'all? I think it was last week ( my memory is foggy the last few weeks, and I have been cranky as hell LOL), anyways I went to pick up Shelby at the sitter,. I havent been working throughout all this drama at the clinic, butr because we were going every 2 days, I kept shelby in daycare...ITs WAY TOO HARD to bring her,,, tried that, doesnt work. So,,, I pick her up and her face is full of scratches and her eye is red. It look like someone beat her up!!! I turned into a FIERCE MOMMA BEAR!! I immediately asked what happened to shelby. She goes on to tell me how the 2 year old scratch her face up. I freaked! ( this kid has issues hurting other kids, I warned her to watch him because i wouldnt tolerate him hitting and biting Shelby, she is only 9 months old, cant crawl, camt talk or defend herself. So I was angry. I asked how she let this happen, and you know what she says to me???????????????? Shelby started it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? Oh yeah sure, my 9 month old baby started it. REALLY??? WTF???? I freaked on her. I would have calmed and got over it, if she had just apologized and owned up and said i wasnt watching them, but to blame Shelby i was so furiuous. I swear to god, I almost hit her. I was about to lift my fist,, instead i grabbed shelby and her bag and stormed out of there. I was never going back. I was so upset. Anyways the whole point to my story is, I have no more daycare, so Shelby has been home with me, i have been away from work. I feel so grateful to have her, and after all this fiasco and BFNs, miscarriage and whatever, I feel sooo lucky to have her, I have been cherishing these moments with her. I feel now like I dont want to miss anything.
I am so emotional right now. I am hurting. Its hard, i want to just pick myself up and dust myself off and be ok. I have to be for her, and I do. I am spendingn all my time with her, but inside I am sad. I guess it will be easier to "get over", once i can put closure on it. Part of me feels bad for cycling, i was so tired and sick and grumpy while cycling and probably wasnt the best mom to shelby.
I really dont know what I am writing about anymore! I guess I just had to get some of that crap out! I am so glad you guys are here, I really dont know what I would do without you, all of you!! Thanks for being here!! I will let you know how tomorrow goes and what the next ultrasound brings! Forgive me for the run on sentences and the blah blah blah
xoxo
Anne
Back track,,I am not sure if I shared my daycare fiasco with you'all? I think it was last week ( my memory is foggy the last few weeks, and I have been cranky as hell LOL), anyways I went to pick up Shelby at the sitter,. I havent been working throughout all this drama at the clinic, butr because we were going every 2 days, I kept shelby in daycare...ITs WAY TOO HARD to bring her,,, tried that, doesnt work. So,,, I pick her up and her face is full of scratches and her eye is red. It look like someone beat her up!!! I turned into a FIERCE MOMMA BEAR!! I immediately asked what happened to shelby. She goes on to tell me how the 2 year old scratch her face up. I freaked! ( this kid has issues hurting other kids, I warned her to watch him because i wouldnt tolerate him hitting and biting Shelby, she is only 9 months old, cant crawl, camt talk or defend herself. So I was angry. I asked how she let this happen, and you know what she says to me???????????????? Shelby started it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it? Oh yeah sure, my 9 month old baby started it. REALLY??? WTF???? I freaked on her. I would have calmed and got over it, if she had just apologized and owned up and said i wasnt watching them, but to blame Shelby i was so furiuous. I swear to god, I almost hit her. I was about to lift my fist,, instead i grabbed shelby and her bag and stormed out of there. I was never going back. I was so upset. Anyways the whole point to my story is, I have no more daycare, so Shelby has been home with me, i have been away from work. I feel so grateful to have her, and after all this fiasco and BFNs, miscarriage and whatever, I feel sooo lucky to have her, I have been cherishing these moments with her. I feel now like I dont want to miss anything.
I am so emotional right now. I am hurting. Its hard, i want to just pick myself up and dust myself off and be ok. I have to be for her, and I do. I am spendingn all my time with her, but inside I am sad. I guess it will be easier to "get over", once i can put closure on it. Part of me feels bad for cycling, i was so tired and sick and grumpy while cycling and probably wasnt the best mom to shelby.
I really dont know what I am writing about anymore! I guess I just had to get some of that crap out! I am so glad you guys are here, I really dont know what I would do without you, all of you!! Thanks for being here!! I will let you know how tomorrow goes and what the next ultrasound brings! Forgive me for the run on sentences and the blah blah blah
xoxo
Anne
