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Posted by tigerlady , 28 April 2010 · 575 views

I am fastly approaching my next IVF. I am day 2 of my BCP and looking at a retreival at the end of May. I sit here and reflect. Scattered. I have been a basket case lately. Yes, Shelby has been very sick and I haven't gotten much sleep, but there's more. As we get closer and closer to this IVF, I am feeling really stressed. Why? You think i would be jumping into this IVF with a renewed optimism having been so successful the first round! Beginners luck, some may say! Luck or is my body is co-operative. Needless to say, i have much reason to be very positive and optimistic. Truth is I am scared. Sometimes I wonder, why aren't I happy with the one I have, why tempt fate again? I really want her to have a sibling. I thought I battled IF and won! Truth is, ugly IF is still here, and those feelings are coming back. Those awful feelings surrounded by IF. Honestly. I have good chances to be successful, its just... I guess doing IVF again is a reminder that I am a infertile woman.
My first IVF, I was very hopeful until I read about so many people that were not successful on the first try. I had convinced myself that it takes more than one try. Low and behold, I won. Since, you now read about so many more "Beginners Luck" stories. Maybe technology is getting better, or maybe there is more woman reaching out? Who knows. I am trying to keep those thoughts close to the surface of my mind, as well as the gratitude I feel for being so lucky as to have had a daughter. Whichever way this round goes, I am one lucky girl!
Apart from the worry, stress and fear...................I AM EXCITED!! I gotta fridge full of Puregon and I am ready to go!!

It's absolutely normal to be nervous and scared, Lord knows I was. Its just such a huge investment, emotionally as well as financially.When we started TTC again, I knew I was grateful, but I also knew that I had this emptiness in me that proved to me that I wasn't done having babies.... my husband felt the same way. I wanted all my children just as badly as I wanted my first. For me it didn't change, the sadness of IF, I guess the only thing that was better about trying again was the fear that you may never be a Mother was gone. That fear is the worse fear in the world, I remember.I have a question, if you didn't have IF issues and could conceive instantly, how many children would you have wanted to have?Anyways, I am babbling. Please rest easy that you beat IF once and I pray that you will KICK IT's A*S again really soon! I'll be cheering for you!XOXOXK
Now that I have one, I would love a house full of them! :)
Aighn't that the truth! :)
Good luck with your upcoming cycle :)
You don't lose anything by trying, right? And anyone who goes into this process without being racked by fear and anxiety and doubt is a few fries short of a Happy Meal, IMO.
I hope you get your wish!
Good luck with you cycle Anne! I am sure Shelby would love to have sibling!


Me 35 DH 52 TTC #1 3 Years2 Ectopic, one tube removed one blocked.. many miscariages and grief later1 Laparotomy, 1 LaprascopyIVF#1Dec 9, 2008 start BCP Dec 20,2008 Start Suprefact Jan 2, 2009 start Puregon.... 23 Follicles, 20 growingER: Jan 14 Thank god that's over with!!!!!! 11 Eggs retrieved - 9 Fertilized YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!ET - Jan 17 930 am - transferred 2 8cell grade 3.5 embryos,,, 2 to Freeze :-)) 2ww ----longest wait of my life!!!!!!! BFP on HPTS!!!!Beta Jan 28- 113 Beta Jan 30- 339 Beta Feb 2- 1570DUE DATE Oct 8, 2009First OB- March 30 - HB 150! So amazing1st u/s- Feb 9 One baby!2nd u/s Feb 20 143 HB! All is well, no more trips to OFC!3rd u/s MAY 12 -------> Whats it gonna be? boy or girl??

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