I don't even know how she creeps into my life the way she does and is a big part of my struggle with infertility. And then she volunteers to be a surrogate and I wonder if what I heard is right.
"For real?" I say. "You would?" "Are you sure?"
"For sure," she says. "I want to help you."
She's caring. She's loving. She's kind--and she's not even related to me.
I wonder sometimes if I'm taking advantage of her, so I try to treat her the way I would want someone else to treat me.
She calls me every day and she informs me of what she's doing. I didn't think being a possible surrogate would be almost as stressful as trying to conceive my own child. She worries about the embryos sticking. And she's anxious about not letting me down.
She tells me how she's feeling, that she feels sick today, not normal sick, but she doesn't know if it's her mind or if something is really happening inside. She's really going through the motions--for me.
She peed a stick yesterday because she wanted to give me "wonderful" Mother's Day news. But it was negative so she gave me the news at night. I told her it was still early to test, six days post transfer.
Somehow, I transfer my fertility burden on her because I do not feel as stressed as when I went through the process. I am more at peace because I think it will work this time. Also, my niece assured me that she will step in if this does not work.
But I don't think I need a backup. I think Angel and I will get good news soon.
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