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Flying On An Angel's Wings


"My Cup Runneth Over"

Posted by Victoria , 16 January 2017 · 996 views

On Thursday "my cup runneth over." Built-up frustration overpowered me. I cannot describe what I did, but my partner remained calmed throughout my episode. Missing the appointment bothered me. He has never forgotten anything he had to do for the business, but he forgot the last tests to jumpstart our journey with Angel. I was hoping the new year...


One Step Closer

Posted by Victoria , 10 January 2017 · 956 views
Surrogate, lab tests
Angel called me Sunday. She tried to utter words but I could barely hear them. Her voices was raspy and her words were inaudible.
"What?" I say. "I can't hear you.
She managed to force out the words, "I'm ready."
"You are coming by? I didn't type the document yet."
"No. I'm ready."
"It's not ready," I say.


This Can't be Real

Posted by Victoria , 03 January 2017 · 1020 views
I thought it was over, that our path to a potential successful transfer was decided. But he said to wait until after the 2016 December holidays. I was reluctant at first. I saw it as a pause for a change of mind again, but I said OK because I wanted to maintain trust. After all, he was taking the initiative to get other fertility stuff done...


Hurdle No More

Posted by Victoria , 13 December 2016 · 753 views
IVF Journey Phew! My partner makes me scared because he's transformed into a ready-to-be father. Is this for real? Someone must have prayed a good prayer. It wasn't me. I was too sad. I couldn't pray.
He is no more reluctant ab...


"Get Her Booked."

Posted by Victoria , 08 December 2016 · 951 views

I get someone to help me sort our my clothes, tidy my closet and separate my winter and summer clothes. I have to leave. I'm packing a hand luggage. I will not tell my partner and I don't want him to know my intention. He'll ask me to stay. But I cannot spend Christmas grieving. I need a long time to think before I reach my destination. I w...


I Didn't Plan to Blog about Counselling Sessions

Posted by Victoria , 28 November 2016 · 754 views
We are seeing a counselor. I listen to my partner's fears and concerns and he listens to my anticipated joy of having a child. He talks about the business, more travelling and more alone-time with me. I talk about growing my role in the business, travelling with the baby, and more time with the future extended family.
We have differe...


It's All Downhill

Posted by Victoria , 14 November 2016 · 1357 views

We rarely talk any more. I say what I have to say. He pretends that all is OK. I want him to know I hurt, that I cannot get over what he said. He wants me to accept his decision.
I know the marriage is over if he doesn't change his mind. He made a promise to me and I believed him and that was one reason we got married. He said he would "do it...



Posted by Victoria , 13 November 2016 · 934 views

Everything seemed to be going well. Angel had just completed her blood/lab work, and was in the process of getting her sonohysterogram. We were both excited. And for a person I had known only four months, we had forged a beautiful friendship and work relationship. We called each other each night and we joked about the surrogate journey we were on.


I'm Back

Posted by Victoria , 29 August 2016 · 1122 views

After taking a break from trying to get pregnant, I have returned to a place (IVF.CA) where I can journey with others. I am a member of the New on the Block Group, but most of the women there have moved on. I still like to go there now (even as a loner) because the group gave me strength on many occasions.

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