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FET #1

Posted by kiki2016 , 18 January 2017 · 4769 views

FET #1

Hello people! Okay so FET #1 from IVF #1 was a negative. I have nothing frozen left either 😑. What in the world is next for us!? We have two different plans as of now. We are not in agreement and it is very annoying.


Plan #1
Go back for just a retrieval in December 🙄. See what quality they are (I have low AMH for my age) (and who knows how much worse it will be in a flipping year 😩) anywho then we will go home after retrieval. If the quality of our embryos is better than we expect then we will return soon after for the transfer. (Don't want to miss too much work at once)
IF the quality is just ok or bad then we will come back even later for another fresh cycle and pick the best embryos from both cycles and finish.


Plan #2
Start the adoption process RIGHT NOW! And start raising funds (IVF in Mexico is cheaper than adoption) ( 2 rounds of IVF is about the same)


I am having this change inside me happening and it is surprising to me. I am craving to adopt an infant. My hubby thinks it won't quench my need to be pregnant. I never thought of my "need" as a need to pregnant. YES of course I have been dying to get pregnant for 6 years!!! But it was always about becoming a Mom (actually THE MOM ...I am a step mom to 2 amazing kids) and those 2 pink lines have been my goal ...so I can be a mom. BUT if in need to bypass carrying my child to get him or her ...then I don''t have to be pregnant


I have been watching YouTube stories of couples cutting the cord and taking their adopted baby home from the hospital and it's so beautiful and amazing. I really think I could do that! (Phil and Alex)


MY HUBS obviously has experience having his own children and he wants me to experience that too. He wants to see what we can make together ... I just don't know about our chances in a year. .I wish he could see that raising a child together would be an AMAZING experience...helping a baby that needs parents and parenting our baby together would be a brand new experience for us both. Anyway I am just praying that God leads us in the direction of our baby no matter if it's IVF or adoption. Prayers for you and your journey!! Comment!

  • Baby girl and RebeccaG like this

The tricky thing is that if you want to be THE mom, adoption won't necessarily satisfy that. Adoption doesn't start with you, it starts before you. So just be aware of that.


We adopted, and it was a great experience. It's BEEN a great experience. Our birth mom is involved.


It's funny - we still have friends who ask DH "how does it feel to have a real child, or your OWN child" after adopting. He started as a step dad to my kid, then dad (adoptive) to our daughter, and now bio dad to our IVF baby. He gets annoyed. They're all REAL kids. He's ultra protective of our adopted daughter.


For gay couples there's an interesting thing that happens - either men adopt, and then there's the birth mom as the "only" mom - or gay women adopt and there are 3 moms. When a straight couple adopts - it's interesting. I love our birth mom who we met when DD was almost 2. (We adopted publicly not at infancy) but I know every moment I'm not the only mom my daughter has.


Your husband is curious about what you can make together - adoption fits here too because you can make - or rather expand - your family. :)


Best of luck on all your outcomes and your choices. I raise these things because of personal experience not to create dark clouds.


For me - I wanted to jointly parent a child and make key decisions for it, with my husband, and through adoption we got that. We got a lot of extra interesting stuff with extended birth family for better and sometimes worse, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Whatever path you choose is the right path for you. I chose to use a donor egg and it just so happens my sister helped us. I have a beautiful 8mth old girl and even though I know biologically she didn't come from me I am her mother. I gave birth so it is a little different from your story. It was amazing and I am glad I chose a donor egg. I have been trying since I was 33yrs old. I had gotten pregnant three times and m/c so this is why the doctor thought I should try a donor. He knew I could get pregnant but he thought it must be the quality of my eggs. I got pregnant at 39 and gave birth before my 40th birthday. We are thinking about another but if it doesn't happen we are grateful for our daughter. Please keep us informed on your decision. Adoption is pricey so maybe another option could be a donor. Let me know what happens.
Jan 30 2017 07:08 AM

Hi Kiki, Sorry to hear about your FET :( It's so hard!! I'm on the same page as you..and have been thinking a lot about adoption. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's just because I want to be a mother so bad that I believe that adoption will make that happen faster for me, or if it's because adopting is what I am meant to do. 


Infertility is a long and hard battle. I'm getting to the point where I feel like I've done absolutely everything I can to try to become a mother. We are thinking about international adoption. We know the process is a bit shorter this way, but the cost is immense! 


I've also tried to convince my husband to use a surrogate (a relative), but he's not caving at all on that one. He wants me to carry our baby... Sometimes I believe that they missed something about me as to why I can't get pregnant... or again, it's not meant to be!


Hang in there and if you ever want to chat just message me!  

Choices. Go with your heart and your gut instincts. The right path for you.

Sorry - you will still be the mom in any case - I meant THE mom. With donor, and with adoption, you are the mom, but there's more to that story. And whatever you choose is right for you, the other posters are right!

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