Posted 16 March 2017 - 02:20 PM
Thanks for the understanding words, virtual hugs, and thank you for moving this to a more appropriate thread.
Returnable, it appears that you have gotten the PGS results and will be proceeding with donor eggs. I'm sorry about the PGS results. As you said, life is not fair. I hope that donor eggs work out, I know that they do for many people. Good for you for doing the hard emotional work of figuring out what you want and the best way to proceed.
HopefulRealist, thank you for getting the whole "head knows its unlikely, heart (or ovaries) keep thinking what if..."
idream, I wrote this at a very specific point of time in the emotional timeline. It is probably hard, if not impossible, for others to relate. Heck, I couldn't relate while we were actively pursuing fertility treatments, I was desperately seeking those success stories. I also realize that everyone feels bitterness towards others - I know I have, to the multiple women I know who had spontaneous pregnancies at 40+, to the co-worker currently pregnant with triplets. I believe that you were trying to offer comfort, but it feels a little like I'm being kicked when I'm already down. I think that you are seeking support, and I know that you can find it on this forum.
Nervus Optimist, thank you. From the bottom of my heart thank you. I had this grief pouring out of me that had nowhere to go and that I knew would be hard to understand by well, pretty much everyone - fertiles, infertiles, family. Yes, I did go see a professional. Several weeks after the miscarriage in August when I was just not coping - standing in the kitchen for 45 minutes staring at the walls, trying to plan and make something for dinner and being totally unable to do so - I started a couple of months of therapy. I wish that I had started it earlier, and it's in my back pocket for something I may pick up again when I need it. Which maybe is now... Thanks for understanding that wishing and mourning a second child (or third, or fourth) is separate from desperately loving the child/children that you already have. My mother-in-law, among others, is quite prone to the "be grateful that you have your son" style of trying to be comforting which is infuriating. I AM grateful - every day! He's awesome! We wish we could've had 10 more like him! All my best on your quest for a sibling.
Robyn2015 - this forum is a great place because there really is something for everyone at every stage and situation. It helps immeasurably to know that you are not alone. Congrats on your 1 year old, and I hope that you your future journey is successful.
2010: At age 37, fall in love with husband (36). Start discussing adoption immediately as I am assume I can't get pregnant at my age and because I have always had very irregular and infrequent cycles - will be diagnosed with PCOS in 2014. Spontaneous (and obviously completely astonished at our luck) pregnancy.
2011(38) : Get married and our son is born.
2012 (39): TTC for a sibling
2013 (40) : 4 rounds of clomid prescribed by Ob/Gyn
2014 (41): Referred to fertility specialist. Diagnosis - Advanced age and PCOS. 3 failed IUIs
2015 (42): Start IVF
May 2015: IVF#1 - 29 retrieved, 19 mature, 10 fertilized. 2 5-day blasts transferred (Assisted Hatching -AH used). 1 frozen (testing later revealed it was abnormal)
Chemical Pregnancy that ends in June.
Good to know the process itself works, but decide to bank & do PGS testing in 2 more rounds to try to find a good egg and avoid another painful emotional battle of hope and despair when a pregnancy is not viable.
October 2015: IVF Retrieval #2 - 19 retrieved, 12 mature, 7 fertilize w/ICSI, 2 frozen, 1 normal.
Nov-Dec 2015: Freak out that out of almost 50 eggs, only 1, 1! made it to a chromosomally normal embryo. Start avoiding phalates, eating more plant-based proteins, and doing anything else I can find, legitimate or not, that promises to increase egg quality. It's a dark time.
December 2015: IVF Retrieval #3 - 31 retrieved, 24 mature, 21 fertilized w/ICSI, 8 frozen, 3 normal
2016 (43) : Start FETs
March 24, 2016: FET# of 1 blastocyst. BFN.
May 19, 2016: FET #2 of 1 blastocyst. BFN
July 20, 2016: FET #3. Planned to transfer 2 blasts, only 1 survived the thaw. Positive. Lost pregnancy just past 6 weeks.
No more Fertility treatments.