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My journey is over.


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#1 Babyhopes1977

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 04:02 PM

I just received word that from my 6 eggs retrieved yesterday 0 fertilized. This was IVF #2. I just can't do this again. How do I learn to cope?
Me: 39 DH: 34

TTC since July 2013
September 2014 - natural BFP- miscarriage 5 weeks
IUI #1 - June 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - October 2015 - 3 - 5 day embryos sent for PGS testing - 1 normal
FET #1-2 cancelled - thin lining
FET #3 - July 2016 - BFN
IVF #2 - December 2016 - 6 eggs retrieved - 0 fertilized

#2 annatarz79

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 04:37 PM

i m sorry that you have to go through this. it is really disappointing and i can actually feel your pain. I hope that you will find the strength to continue on this journey i hope that friendships build from this site will also help you move on to the next day. i m here if you need anything (hugs)  


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#3 Babyhopes1977

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 05:02 PM

i m sorry that you have to go through this. it is really disappointing and i can actually feel your pain. I hope that you will find the strength to continue on this journey i hope that friendships build from this site will also help you move on to the next day. i m here if you need anything (hugs)


Thank you. It's just so difficult.
Me: 39 DH: 34

TTC since July 2013
September 2014 - natural BFP- miscarriage 5 weeks
IUI #1 - June 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - October 2015 - 3 - 5 day embryos sent for PGS testing - 1 normal
FET #1-2 cancelled - thin lining
FET #3 - July 2016 - BFN
IVF #2 - December 2016 - 6 eggs retrieved - 0 fertilized

#4 amp77

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 08:00 PM

Oh no :(  I am so sorry about your results and that nothing fertilized.  Take the time you need to grieve and be gentle on yourself.  IF is such a nasty nasty thing for couples to go through and the road is not an easy one.  When you are ready, you may want to seek help from a counsellor.  Does your clinic have one that specializes in infertility?  I wish I had some words of wisdom but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and am here if you need to chat.  *big hugs*


  • Babyhopes1977 likes this

Age 39, DH 43 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son.

 

FET #1 -  Sept 2016

Day 1 - Sept. 9

Monitoring - Sept. 18-22

Lining Check - Sept. 22 (11.3 mm)

Transferred 5B-BB Sept. 25 - BFP!!!  HCG 890 @ 12dp5dt and Progesterone 95.
Midwife appointment Sept. 19 and first ultrasound Nov. 4
3 Frosties left

 

<a href="https://lilypie.com/"><img src="https://lbdf.lilypie.com/9GKrm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Seems like forever ago...

 

Age 37, DH 40.

TTC on and off since 2007

Unexplained Infertility

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

 


#5 CdnHockeyGal

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Posted 30 December 2016 - 09:28 PM

Hi Babyhopes - I'm so sorry...there are truly no words that will be comfort. I've attached a link specifically for those nearing the end or at the end of their fertility journey. http://ivf.ca/forums...-3#entry2287329

The well intentioned wishes of hoping you continue your journey though coming from a good place, are more often than not off the mark as they don't come from the same experience you have. You may find the Infertility Vets section of the site to have more of a calling to you at this space of time.
  • s00n, ilovemydogs, Hopingfor1 and 4 others like this

We've tried lots of things for a long time. None of them have resulted in a viable pregnancy.


#6 Elizabeth22

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Posted 31 December 2016 - 11:08 AM

babyhopes, 

 

I am very sorry. 

 

Specifically on your question about coping, I see you are in Toronto. There are a lot of real life fertility groups/support which I have found helpful. PM me if you would like specifics. 

 

It helps to have friends going through the same thing. 


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#7 gwinnyblack

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 05:12 AM

but  this is your only 2nd ivf why you think about stopping? i dont understand

everyone's been through some failures but lots of us have managed to start everything all over again.

and i wish you the same, you still have chances. maybe you can use donor's eggs?



#8 hs4816

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 08:16 AM

Gwinny, not everybody has the resources to continue. Maybe it's money. Maybe it's emotions. It could be anything. I know people so devastated from failure that jas ripped their marriage apart. 2 rounds of ivf is a lot. Considering donors isn't for everyone. Considering adoption isn't for everyone.

The original poster just needs support. If she wants to keep trying she will. If her journey feels over, then that's the truth for her.
  • Victoria, gibasgirl, kristeen033 and 18 others like this

I'm 39 with endo

 

IVF #1: March 2016: Long protocol: Suprefact (200)/Menopur (225)

    9 follicles => 4 eggs => 3 mature => 3 fertilized (ICSI) => 2 blasts (one transferred, one frozen)

    BFN

 

IVF #2: June 2016: Microdose flare: Suprefact (40 BID)/Menopur (150)/ Gonal (300)

     7-10 follicles (?) => 12 mature eggs => only 4 fertilized w/ICSI => transferred 2 @ 3days and 1 blast frozen

     BFP:  day 14 beta = 93, day 18 beta 557 (37h doubling time)

     Ultrasound July 21 = single, live intrauterine pregnancy

     .... so hopeful it sticks!

 

 

 


#9 quandry

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 12:40 PM

Hs - well said.

Gwinny - please be sensitive to everyone's differing journey. Not everyone has the financial or emotional means to do one ivf, much less two. We are not here to judge, but to support our fellow board members. Leave judgements at the door when you enter here.

Babyhopes - for you I have hugs. I am so sorry this isn't working for you. I'm sorry your heart is broken and your soul is heavy. I'm sorry you feel spent. I hope you find a way forward, regardless of what that path is. I hope you find a way back to joy. And confidence. And surety. I think we all enter this journey so sure of ourselves, and somehow it has a way of breaking us down. Know this though. You are not alone. And while it seems trite in this moment of sadness to say that, one day it'll feel good to know there are others out there who understand and totally get it.

Hugs. I think it sounds like wine, chocolate and sushi are in order.
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See about me page.

 

 


#10 s00n

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 03:39 PM

For us we decided that 1 round of IVF would be all we'd ever do. We ended up with OHSS and went on to a FET (we hadn't discussed the nuance, but 1 transfer is I think what we really meant.)

I decided from the outset that's all I could handle. Fortunately it worked. If it hadn't I truly think I would have stopped at that.

 

I don't know if you had thought about what you were willing to do - or if you just keep pushing ahead like many of us. Neither approach is ideal, they just have to work for you.

 

I wish you peace with your journey.


  • gibasgirl and Babyhopes1977 like this
Him- Potential SA issues Me- PCOS like crazy/anovulation/long cycles. Started TTC before 30. TTC/Secondary Infertility(2008-2015) - Adopted from public system in Ontario 2012. Freeze-All IVF after OHSS, and successful FET 2015 @ 36Yrs Old.

#11 Victoria

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Posted 16 January 2017 - 10:43 PM

Emoticons09710.gif Wish I had the right words for words for you because I think I understand the pain and everyone deals with it in ones own way.


  • gibasgirl, amazing grace and Babyhopes1977 like this
1st Clomid Cycle - Summer 2005, BFN/ 1st Monitored Natural Cyle - 2008, BFN/ 1st IVF - September 2008, BFN/ 2nd IVF - January 2009, BFN/ 1st IUI (medicated) - October 2009, BFN/; 1st Donor Egg Cycle Jan 2011, low beta - BFN; 1st FET - February 2011, BFN; Second DE cycle - July 2011, BFN. ON ROAD TO ADOPTION or SURROGACY - 2012 OR 2013
My Trying-to-get-pregnant Stories:
rel="nofollow external">http://over40forivf.blogspot.com

#12 amazing grace

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 12:16 PM

Baby,

I am sorry that it did not work out well This journey is so difficult and at times it leaves one badly bruised. I too have had a bad go at this and after a termination at 16 weeks, a miscarriage and four negative Fet's, and I am not including the three in a row miscarriages at my former clinic, I feel totally defeated and beat by this. Like you, I am not sure whether or not to continue. The one thing that has helped me is meeting great people on this forum who have been very supportive during my most difficult days. They have been more helpful to me than my own family and friends. I wish you comfort in the coming days and peace with whatever decision you make. Take time for yourself and listen to what your heart tells you, in time. xoxo


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#13 Babyhopes1977

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Posted 17 January 2017 - 02:10 PM

Thank you for everyone's kind words. I take comfort in such support. It hasn't been easy.
  • gibasgirl, s00n, lumnay and 1 other like this
Me: 39 DH: 34

TTC since July 2013
September 2014 - natural BFP- miscarriage 5 weeks
IUI #1 - June 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - October 2015 - 3 - 5 day embryos sent for PGS testing - 1 normal
FET #1-2 cancelled - thin lining
FET #3 - July 2016 - BFN
IVF #2 - December 2016 - 6 eggs retrieved - 0 fertilized

#14 MissyBaby

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 11:57 AM

I clicked your title and was hoping to read a success story that your journey is over because you got your BFP. 

 

I am so sorry. I am sitting at my desk crying for you ( a complete stranger). *HUGS*

 

I hope you can find the strength to try again. 


Me (37) Mild PCOS

DH (40) Male Factor, Low Count due to un-descended testicle as a child.

~  ~  ~

IVF #1, Oct 2012: 12 Retrieved, 7 Fertilized, 1 made it to Day3. 3dt. 0 Frozen = Chemical Pregnancy

IVF #2, Feb 2017: 11 Retrieved, 10 Fertilized, 4 made it to Day 2.  All 4 made it to Day 5. 5dt (4AA). 1 Frozen = BFN

Current: Tentative FET Transfer Date is March 23, 2017.


#15 gwinnyblack

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 08:21 AM

hs4816

yeah I understand sorry if my response sounded a bit insensitive i didn;t want to hurt or harm anyone

it was just my opinion, I thought that even if she said that she decided to stop but she wrote here she needed some type of encouragement as a lot of us come to such platforms for that use. sorry for sounding a bit stupid. 

i was one of those and i actually still am one of those women that come here for some advice and perhaps I consider something else as support... 

sorry if i upset anyone..


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#16 gwinnyblack

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 08:24 AM

quandry

hi i am sorry but I haven't been judging anyone

I was just trying to be helpful

and if the original poster has some questions or concerns I would be glad to resolve them or just to try and resolve them. 

and if it is the money issue there are a lot of possibilities still... 

sorry again. 



#17 gwinnyblack

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 08:25 AM

Thank you for everyone's kind words. I take comfort in such support. It hasn't been easy.

I hope that you feel better!

Whatever you decide!

Good luck!


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#18 queenbeefertility

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 01:47 PM

Baby,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I wanted to recommend a few resources that really help guide you on your next step, whatever it may be. The two I like most are Unsung Lullabies and The Infertility Workbook. Managing the Stress of Infertility is also good. The workbook and Unsung Lullabies are my favorite. All three really help walk you through the emotional trauma you have experienced and help you to make sense of all your emotions and feelings. There are exercises and techniques to help you feel peace at such a turbulent time. It's a way of processing what you have experienced so you can make the best decision for yourself moving forward. I wish you the best. 

 

Kaci

Queen Bee Fertility


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#19 s00n

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Posted 27 April 2017 - 07:25 AM

QBF- Is unsung lullabies a good book for women who wanted children and didn't get that experience too? My sister is in a strange spot with very bad PCOS but also her partner decided he didn't want kids and she decided she wanted him. I know she hasn't fully reconciled this, and I think that she needs something therapeutic. Wondering if there's a spot for that. I do know that she's gone to an RE to investigate her fertility.


Him- Potential SA issues Me- PCOS like crazy/anovulation/long cycles. Started TTC before 30. TTC/Secondary Infertility(2008-2015) - Adopted from public system in Ontario 2012. Freeze-All IVF after OHSS, and successful FET 2015 @ 36Yrs Old.

#20 Punky

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Posted 05 May 2017 - 11:27 PM

That is such disappointing news. We just had our egg retrieval for our second round of IVF and out of 10 eggs only one fertilized. I was
Reluctant to even try a second time myself. Coping is such a day to day endeavour. I hope you have found some ways that work for you and since it's been a few months since your post I'd love to hear what you found helpful. Are you going to consider other options? I don't even know what to do next myself.

#21 Babyhopes1977

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Posted 06 May 2017 - 09:37 AM

That is such disappointing news. We just had our egg retrieval for our second round of IVF and out of 10 eggs only one fertilized. I was
Reluctant to even try a second time myself. Coping is such a day to day endeavour. I hope you have found some ways that work for you and since it's been a few months since your post I'd love to hear what you found helpful. Are you going to consider other options? I don't even know what to do next myself.


I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I still struggle from time to time. Good days and bad. My best friend just told me she's pregnant at 37. So all the feelings cam back again. If I had the emotional energy I would continue. Maybe in the future I will consider donor eggs. I wish I could tell you there was a solution. But I haven't figured that out yet.
Me: 39 DH: 34

TTC since July 2013
September 2014 - natural BFP- miscarriage 5 weeks
IUI #1 - June 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - October 2015 - 3 - 5 day embryos sent for PGS testing - 1 normal
FET #1-2 cancelled - thin lining
FET #3 - July 2016 - BFN
IVF #2 - December 2016 - 6 eggs retrieved - 0 fertilized