Jump to content



Photo
- - - - -

Do you ever feel like giving up?

TTCnegative outcomes miscarriage giving up coping

  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 lumnay

lumnay
  • Global 100+
  • 690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lower Mainland BC
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 15 June 2016 - 06:09 PM

Anybody here sometimes feel like giving up?  Does it ever cross your mind to just give up and run away from everything that is IF- or TTC-related because you have had enough? Does it hurt so badly that thinking about it make you sob uncontrollably like a baby? 

 

I do not have any advice for you.  I am just reaching out, trying to connect. Recently I've been getting these fleeting thoughts about giving up but I know in my heart that I probably won't give up...not yet... I won't  stop the fight until I reach a breaking point where my body (and/or my bank) will tell me to stop because there is NOTHING that I could do about it anymore.  I don't see that happening anytime soon and I hope with all my heart and soul that it won't ever come to that.  If it does, I hope I'd find the courage and strength to move on.


  • If at first likes this

#2 mouse

mouse

    Honorary PhD

  • Super Moderator
  • 6,798 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Tubal
  • My Clinic:BKK/KWI/JHFC

Posted 15 June 2016 - 06:32 PM

((You))
  • lumnay likes this
The plural of anecdote is not data.

Charity gives a meal; justice provides a place at the table.

#3 amazing grace

amazing grace
  • Global 100+
  • 520 posts
  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 15 June 2016 - 07:17 PM

I know how you feel Lumnay, it has been a rough road for me as well. Five years on this road and I still am travelling it. Some days are better than others and after four miscarriages, two failed fets and the loss of my baby girl at 16 weeks, it was enough to break me. I was beyond devastated and felt that God did not want this for me anymore, I felt jealous of those who had children and I hated being around pregnant colleagues and friends. I found my strength in prayer and have finally come to terms with all my losses. I realized that things happen for a reason and God put me on this path for a reason and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for all the times I was pregnant and was able to have all those souls as a part of me even if it was short lived. Each time something negative happened, I tried desperately to look for a positive. Believe me it was not easy. I just celebrated a year in May that I lost my baby girl and although hard, I thanked her for choosing me to be her mother. It was an honour and a privilege to have her for 16 weeks, that was the turning point for me. Today I want to live with optimism and hope that one day I will have the opportunity to be a mother and it is my hope that all who are struggling find their happiness as well. It is not easy and I know that this was my way of dealing with my struggles but I do hope that you find your way too. Take care of yourself and if you need to talk I am always here. xoxo


  • mouse, gibasgirl, mountainchick and 8 others like this

#4 amp77

amp77
  • 1000+
  • 2,690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:OFC

Posted 15 June 2016 - 08:09 PM

*hugs*


  • gibasgirl and lumnay like this

Age 39, DH 43 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son.

 

FET #1 -  Sept 2016

Day 1 - Sept. 9

Monitoring - Sept. 18-22

Lining Check - Sept. 22 (11.3 mm)

Transferred 5B-BB Sept. 25 - BFP!!!  HCG 890 @ 12dp5dt and Progesterone 95.
Midwife appointment Sept. 19 and first ultrasound Nov. 4
3 Frosties left

 

<a href="https://lilypie.com/"><img src="https://lbdf.lilypie.com/9GKrm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Seems like forever ago...

 

Age 37, DH 40.

TTC on and off since 2007

Unexplained Infertility

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

 


#5 CdnHockeyGal

CdnHockeyGal
  • Super Moderator
  • 6,249 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Winnipeg
  • Interests:Hockey, baseball, travel & starting a family
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:Heartland, Sanford, SIRM

Posted 15 June 2016 - 11:40 PM

((You))
  • gibasgirl and lumnay like this

We've tried lots of things for a long time. None of them have resulted in a viable pregnancy.


#6 Aiglee

Aiglee
  • Global 100+
  • 238 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Kitchener, ON
  • Interests:TV, movies, books, puzzles and video games
  • Dx:DOR
  • My Clinic:One Fertility

Posted 16 June 2016 - 08:38 AM

((Lumnay)) 

 

I also felt like that many times. You will know when its time to give up, and hopefully you will find peace from it. I know that for me it was heartbreaking but at the same time liberating that I can finally move on.


  • lumnay likes this

TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.


#7 StarSapphire

StarSapphire
  • Global 100+
  • 180 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Calgary
  • Dx:PCOS
  • My Clinic:RFP

Posted 16 June 2016 - 11:22 AM

*hugs* Yes, I absolutely do. Some times more than others. Sometimes I just want my life back! I was happy before we started all of this. I'm trying to find ways to be happy despite it, but there are days when it's really hard.

 

I think if there was a magic crystal ball that could say "Yes, you'll succeed" at some point it would make it easier to press on, but living with that uncertainty is the hardest part for me. Not knowing whether you should keep trying or step away for your own well-being. I haven't hit that point yet, but I definitely know what you mean. The only thing I know is that everyone who goes through this is so incredibly courageous and strong. I admire you all a lot. <3


  • lumnay likes this

Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So


#8 kristeen033

kristeen033
  • Cyclebase
  • 495 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Fairview, Alberta
  • Dx:Tubal
  • My Clinic:Regional Fertility Clinic

Posted 16 June 2016 - 12:13 PM

Yes I felt like giving up over and over. Especially after my m/c I didn't want to go through all that heartache again. My babies are almost 9 months old and every day I still feel so grateful that we finally got them because I was honestly in a place where I did not believe it would ever happen for us. Only you know when it's time to quit and how much to endure. My heart aches for you because I know your pain all too well. Hugs to you and I hope you find success or peace in whatever happens <3


  • lumnay likes this

Me: 37, Tubal Ligation 2002, Tubal Reversal 2008
DH: 34, Normal
DS 16yrs & DD 14yrs from previous marriage
Trying for 7 years
November 2009 - BFP - Chemical Pregnancy
September 2011 - Clomid 3 rounds all BFN
March 2012 - Start IVF #1 at RFP in Calgary
April 2012 - 16 eggs retrieved, 14 fertilized, 8 5 day blasts
Transfered 1 hatching blast - BFP!!!!! 7 blasts frozen.
May 2012 - 7 week U/S - baby measured good and had heartbeat
June 2012 - Stopped Prometrium 10 weeks, started bleeding 3 days later, U/S showed baby died right after 7 week U/S
August 25, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #1
September 8, 2012 - Start Estrace
September 21, 2012 - U/S Booked!
September 26, 2012 - FET Transferred one perfect blast. F/X
October 6, 2012 - 10dp5dt BFFN
October 9, 2012 - POAS test at Doctor's Office BFN
November 27, 2012 - Start Suprefact for FET #2
December 29, 2012 - U/S Booked
January 3, 2013 - Transferred One Hatching Blast!!! Still have 3 more in the freezer
January 10, 2013 - 7dp5dt - HPT - BFP!!!!!!
January 15, 2013 - Beta 96
January 17, 2013 - Beta 16 = Chemical Pregnancy
January 19, 2013 - FRER HPT - BFFN
June 6, 2013 - FET #3 - Starting Suprefact...hoping third time is the charm!
July 3, 2013 - U/S Booked
July 9, 2013 - FET date!!!
July 20, 2013 - 11dp5dt HPT = BFN sad.png
July 2014 - Fresh IVF Cycle Estrogen Priming Protocol

August 2, 2014 - 24 eggs retrieved!

August 3, 2014 - 11 Eggs fertilized

August 7, 2014 - Transferred 1 beautiful blast. 3 more frozen.

August 8, 2014 - Got call from clinic 6 more blasts frozen!!!  9 snow babies total and one in the oven smile.png

August 20, 2014 - First beta BFN

February 1, 2015 - FET Natural Cycle - Transferred 2 blasts one hatched. FXFX!!!

February 6, 2015 - POAS even though I know it's early...and surprise...BFP!!!!

February 10, 2015 - 9dp5dt - BFP on Clearblue Digital!!!!! th_abfp.gifyahoo.gif

February 19, 2015 - Beta 8928!!!! EDD Oct 23/15

March 7, 2015 - Ultrasound shows TWINS!!!! 2 little beans measuring 8 weeks with two little flutters for heartbeats preggo.gif

March  31, 2015 - 11 Weeks U/S. Baby A measures 11w3d Baby B measures 11w5d!!!!

May 2015 - 5 month ultrasound. Both babies look fantastic!!!! TEAM GREEN!!!giggle.gif

October 5, 2015 - C-Section date booked to meet my little babes!!! Can't wait the countdown is on!!!!!

September 19, 2015 - Babies decided to make an early appearance at 35 weeks 4 days!!!

Connor Melvin - Born 5:11am weighing 4lb15oz

Emily May - Born 5:13am weighing 5lb8oz

We are so in love! babygirl.gifbabyboy.gif

 

 

 


#9 farmwife

farmwife
  • Global 100+
  • 576 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Alberta
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:Edmonton

Posted 16 June 2016 - 02:26 PM

Big big hugs!

 

I find myself feeling this way a lot lately. One moment I will feel empowered and full of hope and determination but only for a short second, then sadness and frustration takes over and won't go away. I'm tired of feeling helpless and negative. I'm tired of not being able to turn off the switch that makes me think about it. I don't want to give up, I want to be the one to make the choice, but when the dream and reality are so far away the choice isn't mine. 


  • lumnay likes this
~ Sometimes even the most dusty of dirt roads lead to the most beautiful scenery~ Journey details in 'About Me'

#10 Cristine

Cristine
  • 1000+
  • 1,340 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Toronto
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Markham Fertility Centre

Posted 16 June 2016 - 02:54 PM

Yes, I have felt this way many times.  For me, the feelings come and go.  Some days I am full of hope and ready to face any challenge and climb any mountain...and some days I just want to dig a hole, crawl into it and put all of this baby-making business behind me once and for all.  But the feelings of hope still very much outweigh the bad days and so I continue on with this struggle and on this journey towards becoming a mother.  I do believe everyone's journey is unique and personal.  Only you will know when it is time. 

 

Just wanted to say we are all here for you.  Sending many many hugs your way!  If you ever need to chat, I'm here.  xoxox


More details on our infertility journey in 'About Me' page

 

Me: 40, DH: 43

TTC for many years - severe male factor - Obstructive Azoospermia

 

DEIVF in Zlin, Czech Republic - March/April 2017

Jan 25 - AF arrives, start BCP

Feb 21 - Lupron Depot shot

Mar 13 - start Estrace (2mg 3x per day)

Mar 29 - ER, 16 eggs retrieved!  DH MESA successful...3 straws frozen

Mar 30 - day 1 update:  all 16 eggs mature, 13 fertilized.  Yahoo!

Apr 3 - ET - transferred 2 grade 1 blasts - I can't believe it!  Now on to the 2ww!

Apr 11 - mustered up the nerve to POAS after a brief episode of spotting.  Instant BFP.  Oh...my...God.  In complete shock.

Apr 12 - official test day:  beta @ 9dp5dt = 238! 

Apr 13 - beta #2 @ 10dp5dt = 557

Apr 15 - beta #3 @ 12dp5dt = 1473

May 3 - viability scan @ 7 weeks - TWINS!  Baby A @ 139 bpm, Baby B @ 169 bpm

May 17 - 9 week ultrasound, both babes doing wonderful (both heartbeats 182 bpm) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#11 lumnay

lumnay
  • Global 100+
  • 690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lower Mainland BC
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 16 June 2016 - 03:29 PM

Thank for the responses and support.

 

With all the tragic events and horrible crimes happening these days, I often tell myself that I should just focus on the all the good things that I have.  Just focus on the positive side instead of feeling all these dark emotions, like sadness, frustration, and pain.  However, it is not that easy.  The pain and grief that women struggling with infertility is just too hard to explain.  Nobody really wants to hear about it when there are more real stories visible to the public. It is easier to watch the news and feel bad for victims of horrible crimes than to listen to a friend/relative struggling with infertility.  Just to be clear, I am not comparing our pain with that of crime victims/ survivors of other tragic events.  What I am trying to say is that disenfranchised grief is something that people like us will have to face quietly.

 

Our society loves winners which is why one will hear more success stories about celebrities getting their babies after they've won their infertility battles.  Sadly those who never got their happy ending will remain unnamed because stories like ours are just too sad, too dark. Our stories won't sell because the whole issue itself is difficult to understand and this makes a lot of people uncomfortable.  Ignorant, insensitive comments, and countless advice and tips are what we will usually hear, if we ever try to reach out to the general public.

 

I hope that by sharing this, those who are feeling alone will know that there are many of us struggling here and a virtual hug is always available on this site!


  • CdnHockeyGal, amazing grace and amp77 like this

#12 Dani88

Dani88
  • Member
  • 97 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Male Factor
  • My Clinic:Trio

Posted 16 June 2016 - 06:26 PM

I am right there with you.  I just finished crying my eyes out... I also cried in the bathroom at work today.  I am having a very rough day today.


  • lumnay likes this
Me: 28, DH: 27 - TTC since Oct. 2014 - DH diagnosed with azoospermia on Aug. 11/15 - Micro TESE Aug. 23/16
DIUI#1 - Oct. 4/16 - BFN / DIUI#2 - Oct. 31/16 - BFP - MMC at 9 wks - D&C Dec. 23/16 / DIUI#3 - Mar. 13/17 - BFN
DIUI#4 - Apr. 10/17 - BFN 
d5YBm5.pngJH5wm5.pngB5jIm5.png

#13 sdfce879

sdfce879
  • Just Hatched
  • 3 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:-

Posted 28 July 2016 - 11:53 PM

Yes, I used to fed up very often at the early stage of my treatments. We have been under infertility treatments for more than 5 years. Both of us have a problem, that was our greatest challenge. I have ed and she has a cyst on her ovary. Even though everyone supports us a lot, sometimes we feel very low and once we decided to adopt a child. Later we understood that anxiety, depression and all  these confusions are part of this treatment. Now we are also practicing meditation along with the infertility  treatments  with the guidance of an expert psychologist in Toronto. We are very close to the success and hoping for the best. Fingers crossed. Don't give up. Try! Try! And try! Be positive! You will get the result. All the best. Hugs. smile.png
  • lumnay likes this

#14 idream

idream
  • Global 100+
  • 333 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Ottawa/Toronto
  • Dx:DOR
  • My Clinic:Create

Posted 08 August 2016 - 08:27 PM

About every second day.

 

I find to hard to be excited or hopeful anymore.


  • lumnay likes this

Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do


#15 4 years and counting

4 years and counting
  • Global 100+
  • 174 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Toronto, Canada
  • Dx:Other

Posted 09 August 2016 - 11:39 AM

I occasionally feel like giving up but when I hear from my doctor that everyone in their clinic is shocked that I am still going through this journey; I really wonder if I should give up.


  • lumnay likes this
<p>Me 43, DH 43</p><p> </p><p>Trying since 2012Natural Pregnancy May 2012, ended blighted ovumNatural Pregnancy June 2013, miscarriage 6 weeks (chemical pregnancy)</p><div>Natural Pregnancy January 2014, miscarriage 8 weeks</div><p>IVF Pregnancy December 2016, miscarriage 4 weeks (chemical pregnancy)
IVF Pregnancy May 2017, 1st beta May 23 hcg 3,290, 2nd beta May 25
</p><p> </p><p>First clinic 2012-2014</p><p>Second clinic 2014-present</p><p> </p><p>Dx: diminished ovarian reserve; thin lining</p><p> </p><p>Unsuccessful protocols: estrace, estradot patches, gonal f, natural cycle</p><p> </p><p>Lining gets to 8.0 mm</p><p> </p><p>Using donor eggs</p><p> </p><p>FET attempts 17, transferred 4 times (2 BFN, 2 BFP), cycles canceled 13.</p><p> 

#16 lumnay

lumnay
  • Global 100+
  • 690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lower Mainland BC
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 17 August 2016 - 03:31 PM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!


  • idream likes this

Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#17 amp77

amp77
  • 1000+
  • 2,690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:OFC

Posted 17 August 2016 - 04:52 PM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!

:(  *hugs*


  • lumnay likes this

Age 39, DH 43 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son.

 

FET #1 -  Sept 2016

Day 1 - Sept. 9

Monitoring - Sept. 18-22

Lining Check - Sept. 22 (11.3 mm)

Transferred 5B-BB Sept. 25 - BFP!!!  HCG 890 @ 12dp5dt and Progesterone 95.
Midwife appointment Sept. 19 and first ultrasound Nov. 4
3 Frosties left

 

<a href="https://lilypie.com/"><img src="https://lbdf.lilypie.com/9GKrm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Seems like forever ago...

 

Age 37, DH 40.

TTC on and off since 2007

Unexplained Infertility

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

 


#18 StarSapphire

StarSapphire
  • Global 100+
  • 180 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Calgary
  • Dx:PCOS
  • My Clinic:RFP

Posted 18 August 2016 - 11:06 AM

One of those days when I am feeling really low. Feeling sad and despondent, I look like I'm attending a funeral today.  No need for me to wear black or weep incessantly, I already look so down.  Infertility hell is one of the worst place to be!

 

((lumnay)) I hope you're feeling a little better today and were able to take care of yourself yesterday. Infertility hell is an awful place to be, for sure. Thinking of you. 


  • lumnay likes this

#19 Clover83

Clover83
  • Member
  • 5 posts
  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 04 September 2016 - 08:41 AM

Although we are early on in the infertility journey, I echo so many of the preceding thoughts. Today in particular I'm having a very rough one (my body just confirmed what I suspected, failed IUI) and just want to crawl into a hole and give up. The tears just won't stop.
What I want to know is, how do you all try to find joy in the things that used to bring you happiness but don't seem to anymore?
  • lumnay likes this

#20 returnable

returnable
  • 1000+
  • 1,907 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Whitby, ON
  • Interests:running, cooking, gardening, travelling
  • Dx:DOR
  • My Clinic:Trio, cycle monitoring at Lakeridge

Posted 04 September 2016 - 03:45 PM

Honestly for me I try to accept things that I cannot change no matter how much I would like them to be different. Although it seems right that everyone should be able to have a child, like many things in life this is not guaranteed. It sucks. But that is life.
  • amp77 and lumnay like this

Two IVFs and no chromosomally normal blasts to transfer...we are done with my eggs.


#21 amp77

amp77
  • 1000+
  • 2,690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained
  • My Clinic:OFC

Posted 04 September 2016 - 08:36 PM

Honestly for me I try to accept things that I cannot change no matter how much I would like them to be different. Although it seems right that everyone should be able to have a child, like many things in life this is not guaranteed. It sucks. But that is life.

This is generally my motto in life - don't worry about things you can't control.  It is not always easy but for me, there is no point spending emotions and energy on things that I cannot change.  Doesn't always work but I try to live by that.


  • lumnay and returnable like this

Age 39, DH 43 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son.

 

FET #1 -  Sept 2016

Day 1 - Sept. 9

Monitoring - Sept. 18-22

Lining Check - Sept. 22 (11.3 mm)

Transferred 5B-BB Sept. 25 - BFP!!!  HCG 890 @ 12dp5dt and Progesterone 95.
Midwife appointment Sept. 19 and first ultrasound Nov. 4
3 Frosties left

 

<a href="https://lilypie.com/"><img src="https://lbdf.lilypie.com/9GKrm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Seems like forever ago...

 

Age 37, DH 40.

TTC on and off since 2007

Unexplained Infertility

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

 






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: TTCnegative outcomes, miscarriage, giving up, coping