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How do you do it?

coping mothers day anniversary holidays christmas due dates baby showers family friends fathers day

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#1 lumnay

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Posted 07 May 2016 - 12:08 AM

How do you celebrate (or should I say tolerate) Mother's Day?  How do you face anniversaries, holidays, and other events without breaking down?  


To those who find themselves consumed by their strong emotions and disenfranchised grief during Mother's Day (anniversaries, Christmas, holidays, could-have-been due dates and other events that are often hard to face because of IF struggles), please join this thread and share your tips, strategies, and opinions on how to survive.  


  • ladylazarus and Hoping&Praying like this

Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details...


UPDATE: I'm counting the days and hours waiting for this miracle to unfold. Christina Perri's A Thousand Years pretty much sums up my experience.

#2 gibasgirl

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Posted 07 May 2016 - 08:09 AM

This will be my first Mother's Day without my mother and I am not sure how I am going to get through the day.

My Mom's death has made IF harder for me. Before that I was ok with Mother's Day, but now I feel the weight of the milestones more.

It is also a function of how long I have been "lost in the woods."

I am blessed to have some good people in my circle after having survived mercenary siblings and frenemies; sometimes the pleasant distraction of a get-together with friends, making a nice meal, or a movie help forget the pain for a while.

It is still an ongoing project for me, though.
  • nervus optimist, ladylazarus, Tess and 2 others like this

#3 nervus optimist

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 09:53 AM

I opted out.... a lot....


No baby showers, non baby filled birthday parties, and no social media on mother's day. It was about self preservation. I would always do it politely and discretely 'that sounds wonderful, I'm so sorry I have an appointment that day that I can't change'.


And I also learned that misery really does love company - not in a sulky sort of way, it really is an awful expression, but in the sense that it helped me to know that I wasn't alone. Often that meant coming online here, or in other places where I could feel that I wasn't the only one feeling down at times like that.


GG - I'm so sorry.




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#4 CdnHockeyGal

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 12:55 PM

I'm with Nervus...I do opt out a lot.  It does depend on the individual in question and the empathy available.  If it's a close friend for whom I'm actually happy and they don't say stupid things...then I go & participate because in my mind that's part of being a good friend...doing the tough things even when it hurts.  If it's an activity involving people that are harmful to my overall well being...well...too bad so sad.  To quote the infamous Marilyn...If you can't handle me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best.  I can handle it if these less than empathetic people don't want to celebrate with me when it's my turn.


Case & point...I skipped a family dinner Saturday and made arrangements to see my nephews another time.  Today my Mother has posted a big thing on FB about how important it is to celebrate the mothers in our lives.  I snorted with derision and remembered this is why I block her on FB.  Best not to spend time with people that make you question your self worth.  There are too many fabulous people out there to lift you up!  :)

  • Tess, GraceM, lumnay and 1 other like this

We've tried lots of things for a long time. None of them have resulted in a viable pregnancy.

#5 ilovemydogs

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Posted 09 May 2016 - 07:50 PM

I went on social media yesterday, but spent my time dreaming up sarcastic responses to some of the more saccharine posts (keeping them to myself, of course). It's a coping mechanism for me. I stay away from commercials and avoid leaving the house.
  • lumnay likes this
Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

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#6 Hongutar

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Posted 11 May 2016 - 03:18 PM

I also opted out...I remember getting my period last year on Mother's Day and it felt like a slap in the face (just a reminder that I wasn't a mother). This year Mother's Day was just a reminder that it's been a year since then without any progress. I must be getting bitter because I found myself feeling grateful that my mom is far enough away that I didn't have to visit her that day (even though we have a great relationship). It's not fair, I know, but we all need to do what we can to cope. This is a lonely journey so I think we have to do what we can to take care of ourselves without the guilt. 

  • lumnay likes this

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: coping, mothers day, anniversary, holidays, christmas, due dates, baby showers, family, friends, fathers day