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Told my daughter she was born using a donor

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#1 dpwpg

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Posted 20 March 2016 - 06:52 PM

We have been in contact with the families of her half siblings and thought now that she is 6 we would tell her she has half siblings. Primarily because a bunch of them are getting together and we wanted to see if she wanted to go.
She took it well, I don't think she understood it all. We just said that we needed cells from someone to make a baby, and others used the same cells so therefore she has half siblings. She quickly wanted to change the subject and did not want to see pictures.
I feel awful. This subject has been so hard on me being the dad who is broken. But I hope we didn't ruin her and she is ok. Anyway, I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else had these kind of stories?
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#2 nervus optimist

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Posted 20 March 2016 - 09:27 PM

Thinking of you. It's a hard discussion to have in a way that kids will understand. We've started to tell our little one a tiny bit, but he's only 2 and a half. I don't think he has any comprehension of it at all. Definitely have not mentioned at this point that there are biological siblings out there. I hope that as it sinks in for her and she has a chance to process it she will feel ready to talk about it.



I am 37, DH - 38
Genetic - IVF&PGD to prevent Genetic Disorder
IVF #1 - Nov/08 - MC @ 6 weeks, no embryos frozen
IVF #2 - Aug/09 - bfn
IUI #1 - Feb/10 - ectopic
PRIDE - Apr/10
Homestudy - July/10
Given the gift of donor embryos - Jan/12
Donor FET Jun/12 - 9 weeks - no heartbeat... MC
Donor FET Oct/12 - we're PG biggrin.png

===> Beautiful baby boy born 2013 babyboy.gif

Donor FET Oct/16 - chemical

April 2017 - surprise PG

#3 august

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Posted 14 September 2016 - 06:36 PM

WOW!  I have come back to IVF.ca as I have been looking for a place to talk to other moms and dads about parenting and how they are handling situations.


My two daughters are both here today as a result of us also using donor eggs.


I thank my lucky stars that they both look like their father.  The older one a little like me.   Although I do not really see myself in them, only in their personalities ( boy is the older one ever like me!), We have made the decision to not tell them. 

Really, what would that accomplish?  A life long search of who is my 'biological' family???  No Thanks.  Not for my kids.  I am the Girls mother.  Their Dad, is Their Dad.  That's it. 


A lot of hurt, pain and tons of questions that don't need to happen.  

Even if we were to tell them, 6 is way to young for a child to understand any of this.  They don't even know about the 'Birds and the Bees'. 



Try closer to 18 or 21 if you really want to share this piece of information if your daughter. 


Good Luck ..... 

Baby Girl 1, Born December 4th, 2011. We are totally in love! Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Baby Girl #2 Born July 31stm 2013. We are thrilled and over the Moon! Baby came fast and was born at home. Daddy played doctor and delivered her here at home. Lilypie First Birthday tickers

#4 dpwpg

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Posted 14 September 2016 - 06:51 PM

Hi, thanks for sharing. There are more kids out there than anyone knows that are a product of an egg or sperm donor. So thankful we are in a world that this exists.
Since my last post we have actually gone and met my daughters bio half siblings. It was like an extended family and a great experience! We did an ID consent donor so when my daughter is 18 she has the choice to find him.
Having said that, if we didn't have that ID consent I don't know if we would tell her as it would be a futile search.
Every family is so unique these days it is wonderful. Further to the families we met, I am the only dad. The rest were same sex couples or single moms....which I found awesome to be part of that uniqueness.
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#5 ltvixen

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Posted 15 September 2016 - 02:05 PM

I'm currently pregnant (as a single mom who used a sperm donor) and I've been working during about this topic. Can I ask how you found out about the half siblings?

Me: 35 and single

06/15 - 1st IUI - BFN

08/15 - 2nd IUI - BFN

Jan 18/16 - transferred 1x5 day blast and froze 7 more!

Feb 01/16 - BFN!

May 03/16 - FET (1 5 day embryo transferred)

#6 dpwpg

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Posted 16 September 2016 - 08:11 AM

Certainly.  I just logged into the Donor Sibling Registry which is an online database from Colorado I think.  Anyway, whomever wants to register on the site can and they would put in the donor ID#.  So then you can search for others who have the same ID# and voila!  We know of 22 siblings, and have met 14.  We also know that some of the others do not wish to meet and that is perfectly fine.  Let me know if you would like to talk more.

#7 s00n

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Posted 28 February 2017 - 01:35 PM

Aww, dad you are not broken! Just bereft of genetic material to pass on. I hope it's going well with your DD. It will take a while to understand but it's now part of her story and that will be fine in the end.


I hope things are going well! :)

Him- Potential SA issues Me- PCOS like crazy/anovulation/long cycles. Started TTC before 30. TTC/Secondary Infertility(2008-2015) - Adopted from public system in Ontario 2012. Freeze-All IVF after OHSS, and successful FET 2015 @ 36Yrs Old.