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Infertility Vets and nearing the end


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#51 idream

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Posted 25 July 2016 - 08:22 AM

I am getting that feeling like I am going to snap at some point, because of the pain, and say something snippy or rude or inappropriate to someone. I really don't want that to happen and so I am writing here and trying to get these emotions out.  I just want to cry, scream, yell, stomp my feet and get all of this out. This is so painful, stressful and scary. 

 

If you need to snap, then snap away.  You can't keep it bottled up inside of you.


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Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do


#52 Melissa182

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Posted 25 July 2016 - 09:47 AM

I am so, so, so sorry to hear this!! My heart aches for you. I will be thinking of you and please let me know how things go. You are very strong! PM if you want


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#53 Melissa182

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Posted 05 October 2016 - 10:16 AM

Well, this morning I got the beta results of my final FET with my own embryos and it was less than 1. It's been four years and so many cycles and I still don't have a baby. My AMH is no longer readable on a test because it is too low and three doctors have told me that my body, at age 40, is done making eggs.

 

I am crying now. I just never thought it would come to this point. I always thought that it would work out. I know it still can with adoption or donor eggs, but there is a loss of the idea of a biological child that I am grappling with.  I am in shock. I just can't believe it. 


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#54 mouse

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Posted 05 October 2016 - 10:25 AM

((You)) no words, but thinking of you


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The plural of anecdote is not data.

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#55 Melissa182

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Posted 05 October 2016 - 10:54 AM

I just wish I could leave work, go home and take a hot shower and get in my jammies. I am so sad



#56 returnable

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Posted 05 October 2016 - 10:58 AM

Big hugs Melissa.


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Two IVFs and no chromosomally normal blasts to transfer...we are done with my eggs.


#57 gibasgirl

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Posted 05 October 2016 - 05:23 PM

I am so sorry, Melissa.



#58 Aiglee

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Posted 06 October 2016 - 08:24 AM

I am sorry Melissa, it is a hard place to be in. Take your time to grieve it, it is an incredible loss.


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TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.


#59 Melissa182

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Posted 10 October 2016 - 08:12 AM

Hi all,

 

Thanks for the nice words of support. I am still feeling so sad and tired. I am wondering if there is something really wrong with my body, like if I decide to do an egg donor, will it not work because of my body? Basically, its a round about way of blaming myself for being in this situation...."there's something wrong with me and the doctors can't figure it out." It hurts so much and is so scary to think I may not have a child at all. 

Has anyone else made the decision to use donor eggs or adopt and what was that like for you?



#60 Aiglee

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Posted 11 October 2016 - 11:39 AM

We did take the decision to adopt and not to do donor eggs. There is nothing wrong with either choice (or doing neither) and it's a very personal choice. 

 

In our case, my husband did not feel comfortable with donor eggs (same as I don't feel comfortable with donor sperm) and we felt that adoption was the best way for us. We had to mourn not having a biological child, but at the same time we knew we wanted to be parents, not necessarily being pregnant. We keep waiting, but now we have a clear path for adoption. One of the things that helped us decide was that I could not handle emotionally another negative and donor eggs would not have been a guarantee. Adoption for us, it feels like a sure thing. It might take some time, it might not be what we started looking but it will happen, and that helped us make the decision.


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TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.


#61 Melissa182

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 02:29 PM

Thank you so much for sharing your story; it is a very nice one and I hope it works out for you two soon


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#62 Tess

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 06:44 PM

Hi all,

 

Thanks for the nice words of support. I am still feeling so sad and tired. I am wondering if there is something really wrong with my body, like if I decide to do an egg donor, will it not work because of my body? Basically, its a round about way of blaming myself for being in this situation...."there's something wrong with me and the doctors can't figure it out." It hurts so much and is so scary to think I may not have a child at all. 

Has anyone else made the decision to use donor eggs or adopt and what was that like for you?

 

I am so very sorry Melissa.  I hope you feel better soon.

 

I was also worried that I had a implantation problem, especially as I was making a bunch of eggs, and getting a good fertilization rate.  But we were suspicious it was an egg problem, and DH & I decided to go with donor eggs.

 

For us, it wasn't a hard decision to decide to do a DE cycle, but we had a hard time deciding on the clinic & path we wanted to take.  Part of that hard decision making was my worry it wouldn't work, because of an implantation problem.  And we were concerned about the high price point of DE in the US and Canada.  After spending $$ on 3 fresh IVF and 2 FETs, we were wary of spending more money that wouldn't accomplish anything.  We still have embryos left in a Canadian clinic -- but it wasn't working so we wanted to move on.

 

I was comfortable with not passing down my genetics.  At first my DH was uncomfortable with donor eggs.  But he became more comfortable with it.  He did not like looking at adult pictures, and seemed the most comfortable with either just seeing baby pictures or an anonymous process where the clinic matched my pictures to a similar looking person.  

 

I was uncomfortable with the high price of donor eggs in the USA and the high price of frozen donor eggs in Canada.  We were worried it wouldn't work, and wanted to move forward with a plan that left us with resources, emotional and monetary, to do a second try.  So we decided to go to Europe to a clinic that I had researched & had been highly recommended.  

 

In the end there were no implantation problems at all.  We didn't use steroids at transfer or intralipids, or any of the extra extra stuff I had paid for in my other cycles to help with implantation. 

 

I'm now in my late 3rd trimester.  Please feel free to message if you have any questions. 

 

Good luck -- I know this is a hard place to be in and it can be difficult to find a comfortable path to move forwad. 


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#63 Melissa182

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 08:02 PM

Hi Tess,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience and I am going to PM you right now :-)



#64 Melissa182

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 08:03 PM

The system is saying I can't message you, so if you can message me to get the ball rolling when you have a chance, that would be great



#65 Tess

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 08:11 PM

Melissa,

 

Hello!  just sent a message & friended you - I didn't realize people couldn't message me! 



#66 idream

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Posted 13 October 2016 - 04:30 PM

Hi all,

 

Thanks for the nice words of support. I am still feeling so sad and tired. I am wondering if there is something really wrong with my body, like if I decide to do an egg donor, will it not work because of my body? Basically, its a round about way of blaming myself for being in this situation...."there's something wrong with me and the doctors can't figure it out." It hurts so much and is so scary to think I may not have a child at all. 

Has anyone else made the decision to use donor eggs or adopt and what was that like for you?

 

I moved on to donor eggs.  I was given a 5% chance of success with own eggs and decided that I couldn't gamble that much.  

 

It wasn't an easy process but I realized that being a mom was NOT optional for me and that i really wanted to experience pregnancy.  I took the time to talk with a therapist about it.    Coming to terms with losing the genetic connection takes time.  Give yourself some time to heal and adjust. While time has always been your enemy in fertility, now it is on your side. There will always be a donor who is interested in donating.    I would also like to suggest you think about california conceptions, Donor embryos are also a possibility.

 

HUgs


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Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do


#67 Melissa182

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Posted 13 October 2016 - 05:16 PM

Thank you and I truly appreciate your input. I can relate to everything you shared and I will look into california conceptions tonight


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#68 lumnay

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Posted 02 December 2016 - 03:49 PM

Hi, I saw this today and I cried and cried. I don't know whether it's been shared or posted somewhere in the forums here but I thought I'd share.

 

http://parenting.blo...ything-you-can/


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Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#69 Mrs. R

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Posted 03 December 2016 - 06:38 PM

Hi, I saw this today and I cried and cried. I don't know whether it's been shared or posted somewhere in the forums here but I thought I'd share.

 

http://parenting.blo...ything-you-can/

Thanks for sharing lumnay.

It is hard to come to an end of a journey, but like the woman in the article, I think when it's time, you will know <3


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Began ttc May 2014

Me: 31 DH: 31

 

Dec. 2015: Diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure

Jan. 2016: Started at fertility clinic

                  Had tubal dye test - tubes open

                  Had Sono - low follicle count on ovaries, possible uterine deviation

Feb. 2016: Had hysteroscopy - uterus is normal

Mar. 2016: DH advanced sperm test - normal

Apr. 2016: Told I could have surgery or try IVF - chose IVF

May 2016: IVF "training"

June 2016: IVF#1 - cancelled due to no ovarian response

Oct. 2016: Surgery - diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis 

Nov. 2016: Began adoption process

Jan/Feb 2017: IVF#2 - 8 eggs retrieved, 7 mature, zero fertilized sad.png

Feb 2017: Became adopt ready in Ontario


#70 gibasgirl

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Posted 04 December 2016 - 12:07 PM

Thank you for sharing this moving article.
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#71 Abrianna

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Posted 17 December 2016 - 07:31 AM

Fantastic article lumnay! Some days I am one side of the fence and others I feel like trying one more cycle with a new clinic is worth a shot. If we do go ahead and another cycle fails I am not sure how I will cope.
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Me:33 DH:37Dx MFI
Ottawa Fertility Centre:
IUI#1 Feb 2016: gonal-f/centrotide
1.5mil post wash BFN

IUI#2 April 2016: gonal-f/centrotide
400,000 post wash BFN

IVF#1 July 2016:long agonist protocol(bcp/suprefact, gonal-f 150iu, Ovidrel)
AFC 36, triggered early due to OHSS
8 mature eggs, 1 fertilized with ICSI
2dt BFP ended in CP

IVF #2 Nov 2016:long agonist protocol(gonal-f 125 iu and luveris 75 added)
AFC 18, 3 eggs retrieved 2 mature, total ICSI failure

Moving on to new clinic and second opinions🤔

Hannam Fertility
IVF#3 June 2017
Antagonist protocol

#72 idream

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Posted 19 December 2016 - 10:30 AM

I am not sure if anyone saw this, but it is a good article.

 

http://www.nytimes.c...or-us.html?_r=0


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Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do


#73 lumnay

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Posted 19 December 2016 - 04:38 PM

Thanks for sharing the article, idream! The media should feature more stories like this one so more women would know that it's not always fairy tales and happy endings when doing IVF. Being childless is not always by choice.

Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey.