Hey ladies, I hope this is the correct forum for this topic and that maybe some of you have similar experiences you can share. We just did our first FET in January/February, after our IVF last November. This was our first actual transfer, I had a "freeze all" because of my risk of OHSS.
The problem that I'm having is my mother. We've been pretty open about our infertility journey, partly because I don't think I need to be ashamed of it, I'd like to raise awareness that many of us struggle with this, and I knew I'd have more support this way. Unfortunately, our transparency means that my mother is pretty aware of what is happening and when. For lack of a better way to express this, she's not very science-minded or savvy about things like statistics, odds, etc. We've been trying for four years and I think two years ago she assured me she "knew I was going to be pregnant by June." (Spoilers: that never happened). Also last year on Facebook she posted on mother's day how "by this time next year, it would be a special day we celebrated together!" This led a mutual family member to assume I was pregnant (I wasn't) and we had to explain everything and it was upsetting. My Mom retired too early, she doesn't work and is home alone a lot, and my brother doesn't have kids. So that's a bit of background context for you.
During the 2WW for this FET, she has been driving me up the wall. It started out with her texting me at 4 pm every day asking if I was finished work yet so I could rest (I freelance, so I make my own hours and she thinks I work too much). Then she said she didn't think I should be driving in case I had to brake too hard... I told her basically to back off. Then in a conversation last week, she told me when I showed her the photo of our blastocyst that she "got chills" and started crying and told my stepdad that she's "going to be a grandmother." I've told her that this isn't a guaranteed thing, that we have a good chance but that's what it is - a chance. When she started hounding me this Friday about hoping I wasn't going to do any WORK on the weekend because I need to relax, it felt like the last straw. I find myself worrying about managing her expectations and how she's going to deal with a negative result more than I am thinking about my own feelings. It's adding a lot of stress to what is already a stressful situation and I'm wishing I had kept mum about the whole thing. She has this naive conviction that everything is going to work out and as all of you know - there are just no guarantees in this process.
So I figured since lots of people seem to get positive results at this point, I'd wake up this morning and do a FRER test because I've been feeling symptoms and really hopeful. I'm currently 8dp5dt. Well, you can guess what happened - the test was negative, I was devastated, and I ended up sobbing on my husband's shoulder for awhile at 5:00 AM. I just thought that if the test was positive it'd make dealing with my mom this week a lot easier but instead I've only made it harder on myself. I know that it could also just be too early and this is a false negative. My beta isn't until February 18th. I'm just gutted, and mad at myself for testing, and mad at her for making me feel this way. I think I could've held out and not tested until later without that pressure. I think she's been acting pretty selfishly.
She tells me she "knows just how I feel" because her friends are smug about being grandparents...it's not the same thing. I'm at my wit's end. She's a volatile person at the best of times and so I am afraid confronting her about this will just make her explode and make this whole week miserable. At this point I feel like if the FET fails and we go on the wait list for another FET, I won't be telling her about it until I have a positive test in hand.
ANY advice or your experiences are welcome. Have you dealt with pushy family members through this process? Did you get a negative HPT as late as 8dpt5dt and then have a positive beta later? I'll take anything you have to say at this point. I'm currently feeling pretty awful.