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IVF and Family Pressure

IVF family negative outcomes 2WW

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#1 StarSapphire

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 09:09 AM

Hey ladies, I hope this is the correct forum for this topic and that maybe some of you have similar experiences you can share. We just did our first FET in January/February, after our IVF last November. This was our first actual transfer, I had a "freeze all" because of my risk of OHSS.

 

The problem that I'm having is my mother. We've been pretty open about our infertility journey, partly because I don't think I need to be ashamed of it, I'd like to raise awareness that many of us struggle with this, and I knew I'd have more support this way. Unfortunately, our transparency means that my mother is pretty aware of what is happening and when. For lack of a better way to express this, she's not very science-minded or savvy about things like statistics, odds, etc. We've been trying for four years and I think two years ago she assured me she "knew I was going to be pregnant by June." (Spoilers: that never happened). Also last year on Facebook she posted on mother's day how "by this time next year, it would be a special day we celebrated together!" This led a mutual family member to assume I was pregnant (I wasn't) and we had to explain everything and it was upsetting. My Mom retired too early, she doesn't work and is home alone a lot, and my brother doesn't have kids. So that's a bit of background context for you.

 

During the 2WW for this FET, she has been driving me up the wall. It started out with her texting me at 4 pm every day asking if I was finished work yet so I could rest (I freelance, so I make my own hours and she thinks I work too much). Then she said she didn't think I should be driving in case I had to brake too hard... I told her basically to back off. Then in a conversation last week, she told me when I showed her the photo of our blastocyst that she "got chills" and started crying and told my stepdad that she's "going to be a grandmother." I've told her that this isn't a guaranteed thing, that we have a good chance but that's what it is - a chance. When she started hounding me this Friday about hoping I wasn't going to do any WORK on the weekend because I need to relax, it felt like the last straw. I find myself worrying about managing her expectations and how she's going to deal with a negative result more than I am thinking about my own feelings. It's adding a lot of stress to what is already a stressful situation and I'm wishing I had kept mum about the whole thing. She has this naive conviction that everything is going to work out and as all of you know - there are just no guarantees in this process.

 

So I figured since lots of people seem to get positive results at this point, I'd wake up this morning and do a FRER test because I've been feeling symptoms and really hopeful. I'm currently 8dp5dt. Well, you can guess what happened - the test was negative, I was devastated, and I ended up sobbing on my husband's shoulder for awhile at 5:00 AM. I just thought that if the test was positive it'd make dealing with my mom this week a lot easier but instead I've only made it harder on myself. I know that it could also just be too early and this is a false negative. My beta isn't until February 18th. I'm just gutted, and mad at myself for testing, and mad at her for making me feel this way. I think I could've held out and not tested until later without that pressure. I think she's been acting pretty selfishly.

 

She tells me she "knows just how I feel" because her friends are smug about being grandparents...it's not the same thing. I'm at my wit's end. She's a volatile person at the best of times and so I am afraid confronting her about this will just make her explode and make this whole week miserable. At this point I feel like if the FET fails and we go on the wait list for another FET, I won't be telling her about it until I have a positive test in hand.

 

ANY advice or your experiences are welcome. Have you dealt with pushy family members through this process? Did you get a negative HPT as late as 8dpt5dt and then have a positive beta later? I'll take anything you have to say at this point. I'm currently feeling pretty awful.


Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So


#2 CdnHockeyGal

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 09:39 AM

I'm so sorry StarSapphire - managing someone's emotional outcome while you're trying to manage your own is such a difficult and trying task.

I think everyone here with a mother can relate to what you're going through. I started grinding my teeth reading your story because I felt like I was reading about my own Mom. I actually may need to run later to shake off the anger. Lol

There are a few beta stories on here about negative tests and positive betas later and I hope you'll join them.

We started out very similarly - being open and honest because it isn't anything to hide. We quickly discovered that while that's true it doesn't necessarily guarantee that the person we're sharing/conversing with has the emotional tools to participate in and support our journey. As such we, for our own protection, have gone into stealth mode figuring that when we have positive news to share...we will.

I frequently remind myself that I can't expect people to be more than who they are. Now we seek out support from a handful of wonderful people in our lives with great empathy skills.

Wishing you all the best as you attempt to navigate a difficult family path.
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We've tried lots of things for a long time. None of them have resulted in a viable pregnancy.


#3 schlepp

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 10:29 AM

I've avoided telling my mom and have only shared with one of my sisters (who I'm super close with). My mother loves to gossip and I think rather than being supportive she will just make it about her and discuss how she had six kids and got pregnant so easily. My two sisters with kids haven't had any IF issues so this would be a real new topic in my family. I am fine sharing with my friends but likely my super close sister will be the one that I keep in the loop on everything. 

 

I have no words of wisdom, just major sympathy. 


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#4 gibasgirl

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 01:18 PM

Hello StarSapphire,

 

I am sorry for the anguish you're experiencing. It's very palpable and I feel for you.  

 

This journey certainly comes with many layers, doesn't it.

 

There's a certain dance we navigate when sharing an important part of our  experiences with family and friends; once we share we don't always know what will come back to us from the other person, or people. Sometimes the most wonderful encouragement comes from unexpected quarters, and sometimes the most challenging, or hurtful reactions come from the very people we were hoping to lean on. Many times they simply do not know how to support us, while others think it's an invitation to showcase their ignorance. Le sigh.

 

Sometimes, the other person's interpretation of support is very different from the kind of support we need at a particular time. There's already enough pressure on us when we go through a cycle, so the other stuff doesn't help. It's hard to get someone to understand when they've never been through it and can't quite see things from a different perspective.

 

Hang in there.

 

Some of the things you mentioned struck me and I felt a twinge in my heart for both you and your mother. Full disclosure, my mother passed away recently so that, of course, colours the way I see things.

 

I have walked in your shoes and know that pressure all too well. I also see a mother who is hopeful and enthusiastic, and under the impression that her way of expressing it is a show of support, but the opposite is happening. I see the care mixed with hope in her words. There is aspect of it that is kind of innocent, but sometimes the execution is less than ideal.

 

I remember how my RE's assistant would always say that she "just knew" that our cycle would work when we scheduled our IVF and it made me uncomfortable because that is actually unknowable and she was confusing a wish with a premonition.

 

I have a feeling that your mother can be set in her ways. Is is possible to tell her something along the lines of "Mom, thank you so much, right now I need 'X' from you between now and (maybe a week after beta day) because it will help me because it is the kind of support I need at this time." Or maybe add "and you are the best one who can give me that kind of support ("X").

 

Would she listen if you gave her specifics? Like "If the beta is positive, I will need "A,B,C and if the beta is not, then I will need "E,F,G" from you."

 

If not, then maybe keep interactions short, thank her, then be sure to exit and stick to a script so you don't get pulled into a blow-up.

 

As to the test, I have met women on this site who had a negative POAS on the day of their beta and positive Beta test result. The 2ww is such a mindgame with no clear answers.

 

Hang in there and all the best. I will be rooting for you.


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#5 StarSapphire

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 02:26 PM

Cdnhockeygal, thank you so much for your response and your words of wisdom. I'm sorry my story managed to tick you off, but it did make me laugh to know I'm not alone. I hope your run is good, at least! I need to try and remember that my mom is who she is - I know she doesn't mean to upset me, and in fact would be devastated if she knew that she had. It's also nice to hear that one can be both open, but selective about what is shared. I know my mom is going to want all the details, though, so I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when/if I come to it.

 

Schlepp, thank you for replying and for your sympathy. Right back at you, I'm glad you've found a way of handling your family that works for you and that you have a sister you can confide in. <3

 

Gibasgirl, I'm so sorry to hear of your recent loss. That must be very difficult for you. I appreciate your thoughtful, measured response as well. My mom does care about me a lot and you are right that this is her way of trying to show it. Asking her for specific things has helped in the past - I asked her for muffins during our IVF and she kept bringing me more batches of muffins, haha. I love her too, a lot, I just worry she's investing so much into this that I can't handle her feelings and my own deep investment of emotions, time, and money and all the feelings wrapped up into that. I will try to brainstorm with my husband some specific things I could ask her for that might help her feel involved. I feel like you got exactly what I am feeling, thank you again for taking the time to write to me.


Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So


#6 GabyP

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 04:27 PM

Tiny tip, at least it worked for me. During my 2 ww I told everybody to stay away, not to ask and until I tell them to let it be. I was fortunate, well, planned it that way, took 2 weeks off from work and stayed home. Just me and pleasant activities, fridge stocked and my friends knew that only if someone would be in extreme distress, to not even try to call me. They all respected it and when I knew, I called one friend to share with the world. It was good news, but of not, she would have shared it also and it would have avoided all the questions.



#7 happy wishes

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 07:25 PM

I am SO sorry she has been putting this pressure on you and has been worming her way into all of your personal details. I have done one fresh ivf and three FET's. Our family was being very invasive during the first cycle and my mom was completely inappropriate. We live over 10 hours away from them and my parents came to visit during my stims. As soon as they came in the door they brought in a small wooden table and chair set that was mine when I was a child. I was extremely upset and thought it was very rude. She just laughed and said she knew things would work and I begged my husband to go put them out in our shed. She also signed up for free baby programs (formula, diaper bags etc.) too just didn't seem to understand that ivf wasn't a guarantee. There were so many other things she did and very insensitive comments made on my husband's side that we chose not to give any specific details with our first FET and then only told them about the last two FET's after they were over. I didn't tell them any details at all. We are now deciding if we should do another fresh cycle and I have no plans to tell them anything since my heart can't take the insensitivity any more. I really hope you can put up boundaries and keep your heart in a better place through this. It is emotionally and physically draining enough going through a cycle that you do not need this extra stress!  :(



#8 Kayte

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Posted 13 February 2016 - 09:09 PM

I'm so sorry, SS, for the pain you have gone through and are going through, and the same for everyone else here. It is another dimension of the terrible world of IF.

 

My counsellor said something big to me last summer... "The first tragedy is the loss of a baby, especially after fighting years for the chance (or infertility in general here also a tragedy) ... the second is the lack of a sensitive and supportive family unit to carry you through this time." So that really hit home and made me bawl. It was so accurate. Those with IF mourn a lot in their journey, but to mourn the disappointment of family through your hardest times, is a secondary crisis.

 

My only advice is that if in the moment, it is hard to say what you want or too emotional to do so, later send a brief text or get your partner to. I agree with the above advice that explicit "this is what we need/not need/this is what is adding to our crisis and pain" instructions are sadly needed for many. I tried to handle things over the years but admit I lie awake at night reliving way too many painful memories and special events I just couldn't figure out how to handle, and those are now part of my past, my present.

 

Things have swung the other way for us... when hubby and I finally snapped on his family years ago, I think they were shocked (mainly to be criticized, or that they weren't the amazing supporters they thought they were) and so now I think, to keep the peace and not upset us, they say nothing. We've also since chosen to reveal little to our families. In some ways, they are involved and great, but also, have proven not to give us what we need or what we try to give to others in hard times. So this continues to be a source of great disappointment, but even after miscarriage or with others expecting babies around us or even still expecting that we can easily pay for everything everyone else can around us can and always be available and free on their whim... the learning curve is just not there. And we've chosen to support each other and seek counselling for the disappointment of the lack of logistical and empathetic support in our almost decade journey of ups and downs.

 

Sometimes I feel a little setback when I see how other families support and rally around each other in hard times, or even just the simple gestures or helpful things they think to do for each other in a variety of scenarios. I've also come to realize over the years many families aren't exactly what they seemed or their behaviours, what you'd pick. I continue to work on my "lack of personality" (my term, lol!) around these people as I try to get through difficult times and days, and also to deal with the lack of support system that could have benefited us so greatly.

 

I do encourage you to find a way to at least try once to really come out and say what you need, and what is painful and damaging. While it seems shocking that fertile people would put such pressure and insensitivity on their own children who are visibly going through hell, maybe we also are a group of people over-sensitized and having had many months and years to reflect on how to most gently handle situations. When I got mad at my mother earlier this year for her lack of sensitivity and support when I was in hospital, I actually sent her some links I spent hours searching for online about how to support others and what they need in times of specific emergencies. Did it cause greater pain that this is what I was doing for her at such a dark time, when I could have really used her love and support and initiative? Yes. Only slightly demoralizing and esteem-blowing. But I did feel better taking that step and sending that message.... learning from my past, that I didn't want to be sitting on that memory and festering over it during sleepless nights. That was my version of a social etiquette and support handbook!

 

Beyond speaking to a counsellor and being open with my husband, carefully choosing who we spend our time with and reveal information to, has been bittersweet but ultimately helpful.

 

Fingers crossed for you this cycle and with everything in the future smile.png


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#9 From0to3

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Posted 14 February 2016 - 09:17 AM

Hi Star Sapphire,
Can completely relate to the overly invested mom. Mine always tried to hide her dissapointment with every failed cycle but would ultimately end up sobbing which made me feel that much worse. As it doesn't seem like anyone so far has had poas personal false positives - 8dp5d transfer is still early. I had a negative at this point and the day of my beta only registered 27 which was low and worrisome. But beta tripled three times over and am now 20 weeks with the all clear from genetic testing. Poas need at least 10 to have the faintest of faint lines which I didn't have at that point. Just a late implanter. Don't lose hope!

IVF#1:17 Eggs, 4-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfn.gif

 FET#1: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif m/c@9weeks th_agrr.gif 

IVF#2: 5 Eggs, 5-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif Boy/Girl Twins born DEC 2013 babygirl.gif babyboy.gif 

 

FET#2:Transferred 1: th_abfp.gif Baby Girl born July 2016 babygirl.gif  

 

2 Frosties Remaining.


#10 From0to3

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Posted 14 February 2016 - 09:23 AM

False negatives

IVF#1:17 Eggs, 4-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfn.gif

 FET#1: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif m/c@9weeks th_agrr.gif 

IVF#2: 5 Eggs, 5-5 Day Blasts: Transferred 2: th_abfp.gif Boy/Girl Twins born DEC 2013 babygirl.gif babyboy.gif 

 

FET#2:Transferred 1: th_abfp.gif Baby Girl born July 2016 babygirl.gif  

 

2 Frosties Remaining.


#11 Annababy

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Posted 22 February 2016 - 12:31 AM

For us its my MIL who get super excited every transfer and can't understand why I'm not jumping up and down with joy. We've tried explaining that a transfer is no guarantee and its a long wait till the first beta and getting a BFN is very hard so I try to manage my expectations but it all goes right over her head. I've told DH that he has to be the one to talk to his mom because I can't handle dealing with her at this point. 

 

Just remember that you are not responsible for managing your mom's emotions.


Me: 36 DH: 37

 

Together 17 years

Married 8 years

 

10/4/2013 MC #1 6w5d8388.gif

4/7/2014 MC #2 4w3d8388.gif

3/9/2015 HSG Dx blocked tubesicon_speech_sigh.gif

4/24/2015 DOR, slightly heart shaped uterus, elevated thyroid at 4.67

5/15/2015 Follow up bloodwork after a month on thyroid medication and thyroid down to 1.76 and no longer an issueyahoo.gif

6/7/2015 AFC ultrasound Dx ovaries appear slightly PCOS

6/9/2015 2nd HSG Dx blocked tubes

7/20/2015 Officially Dx of blocked tubes and DOR - moving forward with IVF in October

10/24/2015 SIS done and uterus looks great.

 

Project Baby

IVF #1

11/10/2015 Baseline ultrasound and blood work done. Starting stims 450 Gonal F and 150 Luveris

11/14/2015 Ultrasound shows 8 follies between 5-9mm in size

11/16/2015 Ultrasound shows 8 follies between 7-11mm and lining is 7.3

11/18/2015 Ultrasound shows 9 follies between 9-14mm and lining is 9.1

11/20/2015 Ultrasound shows 12 follies between 9-18mm and lining is 9.1

11/22/2015 Ultrasound shows 13 follies between 9-20mm and lining is 9.1

11/23/2015 Ultrasound shows 13 follies 10-22mm and lining is 9.1

11/25/2015 ER and got 15 eggs

11/26/2015 9 egg were mature and 8 fertilized using ICSI

11/30/2015 PUPO with two embryos

12/9/2015 1st Beta BFN cry.gif 

 

FET #1 January 2016

1/4/2016 CD1 - waiting to start meds

1/24/2016 - Superfact started

2/3/2016- Added Estrace 1mg x 2 per day

2/7/2016 - Estrace increased to 2mg x 2 per day

2/12/2016 - Estrace increased to 3mg x 2 per day

2/15/2016 - Lining check ultrasound and lining looks perfect

2/20/2015 - PUPO with 2 4BB embryos

2/29/2016 - BFP but it's low at only 9

3/4/2016 - 2nd BETA 0 - 3rd chemical 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#12 StarSapphire

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Posted 23 February 2016 - 04:50 PM

I just wanted to write thank you again to everyone who responded to this thread. Unfortunately, the FET didn't work and we got the news about it on Friday. Although I've missed replying to a few individually, I read all of your replies and really appreciated your insights and commiseration. I think I'm definitely going to keep specific dates and info more private for the next time, and hopefully this failure has put things in perspective for my mom. I already told her once that I appreciate her concern but I'm okay and I don't really want to talk about this (I definitely don't want to talk about it for the next two months which is how long the FET waiting list is). Best of luck to all of you for your cycles, too! heart.gif


  • CdnHockeyGal likes this

Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So


#13 dragnfly

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Posted 24 February 2016 - 04:45 AM

Star Sapphire - just wanted to say sorry for your loss. Just had my 1st failed FET in Jan. It was rough for a week or so, but gets better. Hang in there. Your body might enjoy a little break from all the poking & prodding; I know mine has. Our next FET won't be until end of March, so I have a couple more weeks at most b4 AF shows up, then it is back to the grind.

Best of luck
Me:36/DH:36
TOGETHER 20 YEARS, MARRIED 11

TTC for 10 years
Surgery in Feb 2015 to remove large fibroid, polyps, & cysts

1st IVF ER in Sept 2015- 10 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized w/ ICSI, 2 blastosysts initially frozen,one embryo did not survive thaw for PGS testing ( very poor grade)

2nd IVF ER in Nov 2015- 22 eggs, 13 mature, 9 fertilized w/ICSI, 5 blastocysts, 6 total sent out for PGS, 1 missing a chromosome, 2 monosomies & 3 passed test with good grades

1st FET - January 17th 2016, BFN 1-31-16, looks like it may have been a chemical

3/8/16 - SHG all clear
2nd FET - 3/28/16...officially PUPO!
4/5/16 - BFP on HPT
4/7/16 - no longer just PUPO, Beta = 314
4/11/16 - 2nd beta = 3225!!
4/20/16 - 6 weeks, 1st u/s. 4mm, measuring 6w1d, heartbeat = 112bpm!
5/4/16 - 8 weeks, 2nd u/s. 16mm,measuring 8w1d, heartbeat = 175bpm
5/18/16 - 10 weeks, 3rd u/s. 1 1/2 inches, measuring 10w5d (big baby), 180bpm

#14 StarSapphire

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Posted 25 February 2016 - 04:46 PM

Star Sapphire - just wanted to say sorry for your loss. Just had my 1st failed FET in Jan. It was rough for a week or so, but gets better. Hang in there. Your body might enjoy a little break from all the poking & prodding; I know mine has. Our next FET won't be until end of March, so I have a couple more weeks at most b4 AF shows up, then it is back to the grind.

Best of luck

 

Thank you dragnfly, I am hoping the best for you with your March FET!


Me: 33 Husband: 43

TTC since November 2011

8 cycles of Clomid, one Femara

3 IUIs (also Clomid)

IVF #1 - November 2015

60 follicles, 19 eggs retrieved/14 mature/11 fertilized

Freeze all to avoid OHSS

FET #1 Jan/Feb 2016 - thawed 6, transferred 1 day 5 blast, 3 day 6-7 blasts frozen - BFN

FET #2 July 2016 - thawed last 5, transferred two early day 5 blasts, 2 day 6 blasts frozen - BFP

19/08/16 - u/s with heartbeat! :D

My IF blog: Cake It So






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