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azoospermia


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#1 RO'sBaby

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 09:33 AM

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site and new to this world of infertility.

On July 9th our family doctor told us that my husband has azoospermia. Needless to say we are shocked and so very disappointed.
Our first appointment with a urologist is on August 15 and I guess we won't realy know the cause or type until some time after that.
We've been trying for over a year to have a baby with no success, now we know why.

Can anyone tell me about their struggle with azoospermia. What's next for us to do? How long will it take to get a diagnosis? What are our options?

Desperately sad,
ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#2 jgeddes

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 10:52 AM

Hi there,
so sorry to hear you are struggling with IF too, but welcome to this site! Everyone here is very supportive and really knowledgable. You mentioned that you are going to see a urologist, does your hubby have a varicocele? We also have MF, message me if you want, I might not be able to help, but I can try. Good luck, take care
:flowers:
J
me: 27 DH: 35
diagnosis: extreme male factor
IVF/ICSI: December 2007 *BFP*
beautiful baby girl born!

Lauren Claire born August 17, 2008! 6 lbs 13 oz!! we love everything about her!!
next step: we're ready to try again!
apointment with RE April 1, 2009 - appointment cancelled :( We were thinking about buying a bigger house, but the plans have changed....reality check tells us that we can't afford IF and a new house...:( so the house can wait!
FET planned for July/09......we're hoping to be blessed again!
June 30 - start syneral
July 13 - suppression check - good!
July 22 - lining check "more than perfect"
July 27 - FET! 1 six cell grade A, 1 8 cell grade B embroy transferred (one frosty remaining)
August 4 - HPT faint positive (x3)
August 5&6 - HPT BFP!!!! yay!!!!

Beta - August 10t = 796!!!!!
August 17th - started spotting and cramping
August 20 - bleeding bright red - beta 18996
August 22 - beta 27696
August 24 - early ultrasound shows one healthy little bean with a heartbeat!! measuring right on track at 6w3d!thank goodness!! fingerscrossed the bleeding stops soon!
September 3 - ultrasound looks good! one healthy bean! EDD April 16, 2010
October 4 - ++ heavy bleeding --> ER - ultrasound shows healthy happy baby, no explanation for bleeding. Off work for 2 weeks.
October 19 - ultrasound booked, if all is well I can go back to work! only back to work for 3 shifts and had another bleed :(
November 3rd - yet another ultrasound to try and figuring out all the bleeding (another big bleed today)...found "answers" but have to wait for appointment on November 5th to discuss results. ** it's a BOY!!! **
diagnosed with "chronic placental abruptions"...praying that our little boy hangs on!!

April 11, 2010 - Liam Reed born! 8lbs2oz, 21 inches long...we are in LOVE!!! thanking our lucky stars that this pregnancy is over and we have a healthy baby boy in our arms!!

#3 DaisyGirl

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 11:16 AM

Welcome,

I, too, am sorry to hear that you are struggling with IF but I wanted to share JGeddes sentiments in the fact that everyone here is very supportive. Although DH does not have azoospermia, we are dealing with severe MF. I hope that we can all be a help to you as you go through your journey.

Andiy
Me-27, DH-46, Male Factor/Poor Egg Quality
HSG - May 31/07 - All Clear, Karyotyping & CF tests okay
Follow-Up Appt - July 5/07 - ICSI is the way to go
Phone consult with PCRM on Oct 2/07
Started BCP Oct 18, Lupron injects Nov 3
ER Dec 2/07, ET Dec 5/07
Discovered after not responding to meds that I have poor quality eggs.
12 collected, 9 mature, 7 fertilized, 2 made it to day 2
Transferred two 6-cell Grade 4&5 average embies. Nothing to freeze
Dec 17/07 Beta 163 BFP!!!, Dec 19/07 - 530, Dec 21 - 1460
U/S - Jan 9/08, 1 beautiful heartbeat of 155 bpm.
U/S - Jan 23/08, still one beautiful heartbeat of 180 bpm.
EDD - Aug 26/08
Aug 21/08 ~ Madison Elizabeth arrived at 8 lbs 10 oz and 21.5" long.
"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."

#4 RO'sBaby

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 01:31 PM

Hi J,

We know nothing yet, no cause, not the type, nothing.
My mind is still running a mile a minute trying to process this.
I really wonder about how long this will take to fingure out.

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#5 jc31

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 08:16 PM

Hey RI,
Looks like we are in the same boat. My DH and I found out the exact same news June 12, we have had a multitude of tests and will meet with the urologist in September.
I don't know how much your RE explained, but it comes down to an obstructive cause (ie a blockage) or an unobstructive cause (ie no sperm being made). Causes of azoospermia include genetic (being a carrier for cystic fibrosis, and Y microdeletion syndrome) or congenital (ie born without one or more of the seminal tubes.) and retrograde ejaculation (sperm going into the bladder). If they determine there is sperm there, there are surgical procedures ie TESA, PESA that can be done to extract, with varying success rates. Anyways, that's as much as I know so far, and maybe you already know this stuff.

I know exactly how you feel. When the RE told us, we were NOT expecting that news at all. I started to cry in the office, and I'm not a big cryer. I have been pretty bummed out about it, and was actually on the board tonight because I have to go for my HSG tomorrow to make sure I don't have blockages and I want to know how much it hurts! But I'm glad I saw your post because azoospermia is definitely not one of the more common causes, so it will be nice to post with someone going through the same process.

I don't know how your DH is handling it, but mine was pretty devastated, and is feeling very guilty, despite my reassurances.

Anyways, good luck and we'll have to keep in touch.

JC

#6 RO'sBaby

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 09:03 AM

Hi JC,

Looks like you and I have done the same research! I still can't believe that THIS is what's wrong. I guess I always assumed that my health, young, athletic husband was OK and that I was probably the problem. Turns out I was wrong.

We are both devastated but now my husband is in complete denial. He refuses to believe the results of the test until he gets the repeat test results back. I think he will crash hard after that. His biggest problem with this is that he feels like he's ruined my life and my dreams (even though he wants to be a daddy as much as I want to be a mommy).
O
ur family doctor (is that what and RE is? I'm not down with the lingo yet) only did Day-21 blood work on me and has not suggested anything else. What's the HSG you're talking about? Should we be doing more until we see the urologist? (Urologist Aug 15th, Fertility Specialist Sept 18th).

Thanks for sharing your thought with me, I hope that we can continue to provide support to eachother since our paths will probably follow the same lines for the next little while.

Best of luck to you,
ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#7 Jillie

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 11:06 AM

Hi there Ro.

Welcome to ivf.ca. I suppose none of us ever wanted to become members of this little club :D !, but, as people have posted, you'll find lots of information, encouragement and support here.

I am so sorry you and your DH have received disappointing news. At least now you are on the road to learning about prognosis, options, etc.

In the forum "Infertility by Cause", there is a subforum on "Male Factor". I think there have been some threads on azoospermia, so I'd encourage you to have a look there too.

There's also a posting providing the acronyms (yes, "RE" is the infertility specialist).

Again, welcome. And best of luck with your next appointments and next steps.

Jillie
Me: 42 (how did that happen?!); DH: 33
TTC: 5 years - Clomid, Laparoscopy (endo), IUI, IVF, FET - no luck!
Moved to ADOPTION
to build our family
Logged in in China: May 2006; switched to Ethiopia program: May 2007
Dossier to Ethiopia July 2007
Received referral for an adorable boy: September 2007
Ethiopian courts approved adoption December 2007, i.e. I'm officially a mom!
Awaiting completion of immigration requirements to bring our son home to Canada
Son's citizenship granted March 2008
Home with our BEAUTIFUL BOY: April 2008

#8 RO'sBaby

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 12:49 PM

Thanks Jillie!
Between all the researching and the new language its hard to figure out what everything is. The list will definitely help me.
And I will definitely take a look at the Male Factor section you suggested.

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#9 fingerscrossed

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 03:37 PM

Hi there,

Welcome to these boards, and don't worry, you're NOT alone! We're all in the same boat & I have found the people on these boards to be nothing short of fantastic!

My husband was also diagnosed with azoospermia and we had the same reaction as you. What the?

My husband sounds a lot like yours, in that he was in denial, first to even go and get tested and then when the test did come back, he assumed it was a mistake. It was only after the second test came back with a sperm count of zero, did he actually admit that there was a problem.

We had all the testing done and breathed a sigh of relief when a biopsy revealed that he actually did make sperm, they were just all blocked. When I think about all the money I spent on birth control! :D

As hard as it was to remain optimistic, try and keep your chin up. It is so tough, and I've had many a pity party...but in the end, I'm 9 weeks pregnant!

PM me if you have any questions. I never have been too down with the lingo, so I can try and lay out any answers for you in layman's terms. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

#10 jc31

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Posted 19 July 2007 - 08:28 PM

Hey Fingerscrossed,
Thanks for adding your note - it came just when I needed some inspiration! I'm so happy about your good news - it's nice to hear there's hope.
If it's not too much to ask, by which route did you become PG?
Thanks,
JC

#11 RO'sBaby

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 08:41 AM

Dear figercrossed,

That is the best news I have heard in two weeks. The fact that you are now pregnant is so exciting and has brought me to tears. I hope we end up just like you and your DH :)

Yesterday we got the results of the second semenalysis and of course it came back a big fat 0.
Now its time for us to accept reality and move forward. My poor husband just can't wrap his mind around this. I on the other hand have run through every possible scenario that our future can hold.

Our first appointment with the urologist is August 15. How long did it take for your diagnosis? What types of tests do you have to do?

I am so happy for you.
I hope I can share in your joy one day too.

Thanks for giving me a little hope!
ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#12 RO'sBaby

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 08:43 AM

Hi JC,

Maybe you and I can have the same luck as Fingerscrossed,,,wouldn't that be so amazing!

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#13 fingerscrossed

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 11:11 AM

Hey ladies,

Answers to your questions:

1. We did IVF. IUI was never even put forth as an option. I assume that there was a reason for it. I never asked. Just paid the horrendous amount of cash and moved on!

2. It was a really slooooow process to get started. It's a lot of "hurry up and wait". I think we met with our fertility doc (after waiting 3 months for the referral) in May last year and then she sent us for a bunch of tests and told us to come back in another three months. I can't quite remember which tests we had (I think I posted about it in the "infertility by cause" section) but I know that we had the biopsy to see if there was any sperm at all, and my hubby had the other test for CF, which I remember taking something like, 6 weeks to get back.

Once those were done we then had to have a few other tests done...I had a pap and a lot of bloodwork done, because they wanted to make sure that I was in good shape as well before starting. There's nothing worse than finally thinking you've solved the problem and then another one turns up! It's frustrating to have to wait, and depending on where you are, the wait times for everything vary.

Once you finally get the all clear and get going, there's no messing around because everything is timed by your cycle. So it goes pretty quick once you figure out what your options are (I'm speaking strictly from my experience though!). Although they say that a lot of people break up over the stress of it all (and it IS stressful), I feel as though my marriage and my relationship with my DH is much better for it.

At one point I felt resentment towards DH because he was the one who "caused the problem". I was the one shooting up everyday and taking all this medication that messed me up. Then I just talked to him about it and everything was better after that. You have to communicate with each other even though you're afraid of hurting the other person's feelings.

Any other questions, don't hesitate to ask. Have a great weekend!

#14 jc31

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Posted 20 July 2007 - 07:52 PM

Fingerscrossed,
I can't tell you how relieved I felt reading your email. Not just because of the successful PG, which is great, but because you voiced feelings that I have been feeling, and feeling like a terrible person for having them! Our RE briefly gave us the rundown for IVF, and when I learned of the procedure and the drugs that I would have to subject my body to, I had some pretty angry irrational thoughts like, "Why the %$#@% do I have to do this to myself - it's not my problem!" And then you feel so guilty for feeling angry, it seems like a terrible cycle.
And like RI, my DH is so overwhelmed with the news, it's not fair to offload any of this onto him.
So thanks, I feel a little less crazy!
Now, if I can just control some of that envy towards my many PG co-workers, I think I'll feel like a normal person again.

RI: thanks for the words of support - it's so hard to know how to get ourselves and our DHs through this! BTW, an HSG is a hysterosalpingogram where they inject dye into the uterus to make sure that there is no tube blockage. I was being a total sissy- it didn't hurt at all and was over in about 90 seconds :)


JC

Edited by jc31, 20 July 2007 - 08:33 PM.


#15 RO'sBaby

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 10:51 AM

Hi JC,

I'm glad I'm not the only one hating my pregnant co-workers right now. As much as I try to be happy for them, all the giddy baby chater is driving me mental.

Now I don't know about you, but patience is not one of the vitures I possess. Our first appointment with the urologist isn't until August 15th and I know we won't have answers for months after that. Have you been waiting long to figure this all out? How long does it take to find out if Dh has obstructive or non-obstructive azoospermia?

I feel desperate to know what my options are going to be.

Do you know of anyone that was un-obstructed and then had children naturally? I'm guessing that is impossible and our only option to have our own biological children is through IVF.

God this sucks,
ro

Edited by RI29, 23 July 2007 - 12:29 PM.

ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#16 MacReady

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 11:17 AM

RO and JC,

Looks like we're all in the same boat. I've had a bit more time to digest the news but we're not much further ahead on the testing by the sound of it. After going off the pill last May my cycles were kind of crazy. They were usually 25 days long and my periods would only last <2 days, odd for me. So as the months passed, I assumed that was the problem and didn't see a need to wait a full year. In January, after 8 months and 10 or 11 cycles I went to my GP. She looked at my charts which indicated that I was ovulating and sent me for CD21 and thyroid bloodwork. She figured she should also send DH for a SA as well.... well needless to say we were shocked when my results were fine and his showed a count of 0!! I started crying in her office and basically cried for the better part of the next 2 days. She sent DH for a second test to confirm but told us to not get our hopes up and also basically said there was not much that could be done, we'd likely be looking at using a sperm donor or adoption. Thankfully we live in a era where information is readily available and were able to find lots of hopeful information once we started to research a bit. So in February she sent a referral to the infertility clinic (AART) and a urologist specializing in male infertility. And then we waited.... in May we went to an information session on IVF put on by the clinic. We talked to a doctor who seemed surprised we hadn't heard yet, so within a week of that we got our appointment for June 12th. We are now in the process of getting some tests done and then will go back to get those results. The doctor there was fantastic! He's testing us both in parrallel which makes me happy. Some bloodwork for me and the dye test, which around here can be 4-5 months wait I hear. I've attempted to book it twice now, hoping 3rd time will be the charm! For DH, a more detailed SA and bloodwork for hormones and genetic type stuff. We're hoping to get those results August/September and we'll see where to go from there. DH also got a letter from the urologist a couple of weeks ago, sending him for yet another SA and more bloodwork. We had heard the wait for this doctor could be up to a year so we're hoping that was a good sign and that he might get in a bit earlier than that.

As for how we're handling it... as good as can be expected I guess. There are good days and bad. Now that we feel like we're moving forward there are a lot more good days. I found not knowing and then waiting... much harder!! We're just trying to stay very optimistic and busy. A LOT of my friends are either pregnant or having babies right now. 2 of my 3 bridesmaids both had a baby in the past week and both started trying months after us, so I find that stuff can be hard. I'm happy for them, but at the same time extremely jealous, which then makes me feel quilty.... We havn't told anyone about what's going on to any great extent. I think until we know exactly what's going on and what our options will be we want to keep quiet. If we do have to use donor we're not yet sure who we would tell, plus DH isn't really wanting for anyone to know just yet and I can respect that. But I feel sometimes like its all bottled up since I have no friends or family to turn to. So I stumbled across this site a few months ago and it has been my lifeline and the reason I'm still sane I'm sure :-) DH and I talk about it quite often but I don't like to cry on his shoulder every time I'm feeling down. I think it makes him feel quilty and he doesn't express himself that way so he can't understand that crying is stress relieving for me, not necessarily a sign that I'm over stressed. But he has been fabulous though, I admire how he's handled it actually. On our way home after finding out I said I didn't think I could use donor sperm... my instinct was that it was like having a baby with someone else. He on the other hand felt like it would at least be 1/2 from us and we could experience pregnancy. I've since come around on that too. Of course we're first going to try everything we can to use his sperm but we've wrapped our heads around using donor sperm if we have to.

On the bright side I do feel like this has brought us closer. And I think if and when we do get pregnant I won't look back and be angry that we had to go through this. It will just be that much more special!

If you haven't checked it out already, there are some great threads under Infertility by Cause/Male Factor. There's a thread "Postponed Again" that I found particularly insprirational and has given me tons of hope!!

I wish you both well. I'd be really interested in keeping up with each other on test results, etc... And maybe we can be cycle buddies soon :-)


SM
Age: Me 37 DH 35
TTC since May '06
NO-Azoospermia (SCO)
1st Attempt
1st dIUI: Mar '08, BFN
2nd COH/dIUI: May '08,BFP!!
Beta 16dpiui 489, 22dpiui 4471
Our sweet baby girl arrived Jan 14, 2009!
2nd Attempt
IVF #1 Feb/Mar 2011, BFP!! m/c at 12wks :-(
IVF #2 Jan/Feb 2012 - BFP!! Beta 113... f/u beta and u/s confirm blighted ovum, m/c @8wks :-(
TDI Feb/2013, BFN
TDI Apr/2013, BFN


Moving on...

#17 RO'sBaby

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 12:54 PM

Hi SM,

Our stories and feeling sound exactly like eachother. Its so hard to believe that I'm going through this, and then, here comes along a stranger who is feeling the exact same way as I am. I'd say what a relief but really I wish that none of us were in this situation at all.

My DH and I just spoke Saturday for the first time about using a donor. I thought he may have some objections but he was so open to the idea and I am so grateful that I married someone so amazing. I really want to experience pregnancy (as long as I can, I guess that still has to be confirmed) and he doesn't want to take that away from me. I'm going to say a prayer for both of us tonight hoping that it will never get to that stage and that we can have our husband's children.

I guess we are both at the same stage, no clear diagnosis yet. I'm hoping that things will move along fairly quickly after our first appointment with the urologist on Aug 15. Then we have an appointment with a fertility specialist on Sep 18. I guess that's when we'll begin to make sure that everything is OK with me. My GP only sent me for Day-21 blood work, nothing else. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? Are there tests that the GP can send DH and I for so we don't have to wait?

Well, it's nice to know you're out there and hopefully we can support eachother through this.
I hope we all receive good news soon.

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#18 MacReady

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 02:06 PM

Hi SM,

Our stories and feeling sound exactly like eachother. Its so hard to believe that I'm going through this, and then, here comes along a stranger who is feeling the exact same way as I am. I'd say what a relief but really I wish that none of us were in this situation at all.

My DH and I just spoke Saturday for the first time about using a donor. I thought he may have some objections but he was so open to the idea and I am so grateful that I married someone so amazing. I really want to experience pregnancy (as long as I can, I guess that still has to be confirmed) and he doesn't want to take that away from me. I'm going to say a prayer for both of us tonight hoping that it will never get to that stage and that we can have our husband's children.

I guess we are both at the same stage, no clear diagnosis yet. I'm hoping that things will move along fairly quickly after our first appointment with the urologist on Aug 15. Then we have an appointment with a fertility specialist on Sep 18. I guess that's when we'll begin to make sure that everything is OK with me. My GP only sent me for Day-21 blood work, nothing else. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? Are there tests that the GP can send DH and I for so we don't have to wait?

Well, it's nice to know you're out there and hopefully we can support eachother through this.
I hope we all receive good news soon.

ro


ro -- I know what you mean, on one hand its so comforting that there are other people out there going through the same thing, but on the other hand I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. I guess in a perfect world none of us would be here but until then, we'll just do our best to support each other.

That's great that you and your husband have talked about donor and that he's open to it. I know we both felt alot better about that option after looking at some of the donor websites as well. We were happy to see that you could view profiles and the first profile he looked at could have been his twin based on the description. So its comforting to know that we could pass on some of dh's traits that way. But I'll say a prayer that neither of us will have to go that route either!

As for tests that can be done in the meantime, I thought the same thing. After our referrals went in it was 3 months before we even heard from the infertility clinic and we still don't have an appointment for the urologist. So I was really frustrated waiting and felt like there must be some things that my GP could do proactively. Just felt like such a waste of time to be doing nothing, especially when you already feel like you've been waiting so long! I don't really like my GP and was very unhappy with the way she dealt with this issue so I wasn't crazy about making an appointment with her to discuss that, but had my feelings towards her been different I think I would have pursued that. But instead I poked around and found out from a friend of a friend that they went through the same thing, GP sent them for CD21 and Semen Analysis and then just referred them on from there. But the tests my RE is sending me for now -- since my cycles can be anywhere from 25-30 days he's sending me for CD17 and CD21 bloodwork and he's also sending me for an HSG (dye test), mainly because that can be a long wait around here and regardless of what they find with hubby I'll have to get that done. For now, that's all for me. I'm not sure if you're GP would send you for that at this point but you could ask. But it might not be as long of a wait where you are. As for DH, he's getting bloodwork done for hormones and more detailed SA. Hope that helps!
Age: Me 37 DH 35
TTC since May '06
NO-Azoospermia (SCO)
1st Attempt
1st dIUI: Mar '08, BFN
2nd COH/dIUI: May '08,BFP!!
Beta 16dpiui 489, 22dpiui 4471
Our sweet baby girl arrived Jan 14, 2009!
2nd Attempt
IVF #1 Feb/Mar 2011, BFP!! m/c at 12wks :-(
IVF #2 Jan/Feb 2012 - BFP!! Beta 113... f/u beta and u/s confirm blighted ovum, m/c @8wks :-(
TDI Feb/2013, BFN
TDI Apr/2013, BFN


Moving on...

#19 RO'sBaby

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 02:41 PM

Hi SM,

I'm not a fan of my GP either and she didn't seen to want to pursue anything. It seems like she would just prefer to send us to someone else.
Oh well, I guess. I don't really like her anyway!

My problem is waiting. I think I've come to grips that I'm not going to become a mom the conventional way now I just want to know what we can do next. The waiting has got to be the worst part. My heart breaks for those couples that have gone through this for years.

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#20 jc31

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 07:52 PM

Hi Ro, SM & Fingerscrossed,
Trying: I took your advice and read the 'postponed again' thread (well, 2 hours' worth anyways) - wow, you're right. What an inspiration. It's nice to know that this road has been travelled even though it feels lonely! If I can make it through with half the strenth and grace that those ladies had, then maybe I'll be ok.

Ro: you and I have pretty much the same timeline, but rest assured that your consults actually seem pretty quick. We don't see the urologist here until september 11 because he's on holidays for a month. I don't mind because in the meantime our RE is meeting with us twice to talk about what the different options will look like and make sure all testing is done.
In response to your question about the hope of 'un-obstruction' i posted that same question in the 'male factor' thread and so far nada. So I'm not hoping too much for that option, because there's not much in the medical literature either.

You guys were talking about the donor option. On Saturday, my DH and I also had a huge talk about it, and he is ok with that option once we have completed the investigations of his azoospermia and know all of the possibilities.
I guess my reservation about donor is that for many years there may not be much difficulty, but what about when they become a teenager and go through the 'normal' alienation that teens feel? How confused would they feel about their identity? I know that some donors are 'ID Consent' which means that they can find them, but I still don't know how psychologically difficult it would be for a person to know that there may be an idealized 'real' father out there. I know that sounds crazy, but I love my DH and I wouldn't want him to feel hurt later on, and for some reason this particular issue bugs me. DH has been so good about it, even saying that he would respect a decision not to go through with IVF due to $, procedures etc.

Anyways ladies, keep your spirits up - and Fingerscrossed, you're the inspiration!

Take care,
JC

#21 RO'sBaby

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Posted 24 July 2007 - 07:28 AM

Hi JC,

I have that exact same fear, how do you later tell the child about where they really came from?!?!
I would hope that it wouldn't matter but the reality is that it will be very hard. I just don't know. And I guess we won't know for a very long time anyway by the way this whole process takes place, it takes forever! Yesterday we were also talking about adoption but that too is such a lengthy process. And I wouldn't even know where to start, or when to start for that matter.

This is just so hard and its ony just begun!

ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#22 MacReady

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Posted 24 July 2007 - 12:00 PM

Hi girls... I have those same fears as well. We've briefly talked about who/when we'd tell and we differ a bit on our opinions on that but right now its so hypothetical anyway, that I don't want to focus on it too much. I figure we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there and probably with the help of a professional. I definately feel like it would be important to tell a child that but how and when I don't know. My fear in not telling is that for some reason (perhaps health related) it would come out when the child was older and that would be bad. I have a close friend who found out when she was probably about 7 that her Dad was not her biological father (she was from a previous relationship but long before she would remember)... it upset her for awhile but I think it was more about how she found out. She met her biological father but never had a relationship with him, infact she refers to him as her 'sperm donor'. I don't even think of her father as a step father, nor does she... he's her Dad and they're very close. So I think if its handled properly it doesn't have to be a big issue, I don't really think its any different than dealing with those types of situations or even adoption. In fact I think it would be easier to explain to a child 'you were concieved in a special way because mommy and daddy wanted you so badly' rather than dealing with some of those other situations (ie. like why they were given up for adoption, etc..)

I think for my dh part of the issue with telling isn't in the shame of using a donor -- we both feel ok with that. But it would mean people knowing about his issue. Its sad, but I feel there is more of a stigma around men having fertility issues. If it had been me (still could be for that matter) I would have no issue talking to my family or friends about it... I would take comfort in that actually. But for guys its just not that easy and its so unfortunate. We have so many friends having kids right now and so often I pick up on things people say... referring to others guys as 'sure-shot', or bragging (jokingly of course) about how good their swimmers are b/c they got pregnant right away. And then there's always lots of comments about how much babies look like thier fathers, etc... those are the types of things that I fear and that really break my heart for my dh. He seems to handle it better than I do actually.

S.
Age: Me 37 DH 35
TTC since May '06
NO-Azoospermia (SCO)
1st Attempt
1st dIUI: Mar '08, BFN
2nd COH/dIUI: May '08,BFP!!
Beta 16dpiui 489, 22dpiui 4471
Our sweet baby girl arrived Jan 14, 2009!
2nd Attempt
IVF #1 Feb/Mar 2011, BFP!! m/c at 12wks :-(
IVF #2 Jan/Feb 2012 - BFP!! Beta 113... f/u beta and u/s confirm blighted ovum, m/c @8wks :-(
TDI Feb/2013, BFN
TDI Apr/2013, BFN


Moving on...

#23 RO'sBaby

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Posted 25 July 2007 - 10:40 AM

Hi S,

It is so true about the stigma. I feel the same way. If I told someone that I had the problem and couldn't have kids it wouldn't be an issue. But to explain that my healthy, althletic, manly-man of a husband has no sperm...well that's almost shameful and it should NOT be. It's not his fault, it's no ones fault.

I certainly want to experience pregnancy but we were talking about adoption and wondering if we should start to pursue that option now since it seems to take years before anyone actually is able to bring home a child. Has anyone heard of people doing that, starting the adoption process at the same time as getting their fertility issues figured out?

Thx,
ro
ME-31, DH-29
TTC since May 2006
DH diagnosed with azoospermia July 9, 2007
November 19, 2009 - it's a GIRL

#24 MacReady

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Posted 25 July 2007 - 11:43 AM

I've wondered the same thing about starting the adoption process. I'm almost 32 as it is so when do you make the switch? Or like you said, can we just pursue both at the same time. But some days my head is just swimming with all the different scenarios and I can really drive myself mad. I think for me I have to wait until all the tests are in and we have a clearer picture of what the outlook is before I can really figure out how adoption fits into our plan. I'm really struggling with that one actually.

But if you're interested in finding out more there are adoption threads on this site where someone might be able to help you. I think there are a lot of decisions to make when it comes to adoption, like domestic or international... if international, which country, if domestic there are also different options. So probably wouldn't hurt to at least do the research and figure out what type of adoption would work for you.
Age: Me 37 DH 35
TTC since May '06
NO-Azoospermia (SCO)
1st Attempt
1st dIUI: Mar '08, BFN
2nd COH/dIUI: May '08,BFP!!
Beta 16dpiui 489, 22dpiui 4471
Our sweet baby girl arrived Jan 14, 2009!
2nd Attempt
IVF #1 Feb/Mar 2011, BFP!! m/c at 12wks :-(
IVF #2 Jan/Feb 2012 - BFP!! Beta 113... f/u beta and u/s confirm blighted ovum, m/c @8wks :-(
TDI Feb/2013, BFN
TDI Apr/2013, BFN


Moving on...

#25 MacReady

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Posted 26 July 2007 - 11:35 AM

well ladies... I just found out today that I'm booked for my HSG for tomorrow!! I'm excited that it only took 2 months and not 4-5 like I was warned it might. But I'm a little freaked out!! I don't know if I'm scared about it hurting or scared they'll find something to further complicate this situation :-( Anyway, better to know now than months down the road. I'll let you know how it goes. JC - I remembered you wrote something about it so I went back and read and now I'm just going to keep repeating 'its not that bad, only take a couple of minutes'... ha ha.
Age: Me 37 DH 35
TTC since May '06
NO-Azoospermia (SCO)
1st Attempt
1st dIUI: Mar '08, BFN
2nd COH/dIUI: May '08,BFP!!
Beta 16dpiui 489, 22dpiui 4471
Our sweet baby girl arrived Jan 14, 2009!
2nd Attempt
IVF #1 Feb/Mar 2011, BFP!! m/c at 12wks :-(
IVF #2 Jan/Feb 2012 - BFP!! Beta 113... f/u beta and u/s confirm blighted ovum, m/c @8wks :-(
TDI Feb/2013, BFN
TDI Apr/2013, BFN


Moving on...