10 replies to this topic

[RFree83]

Hoping someone can help me to help a friend. My friend is fostering an infant through CAS and is having such a tough time with changes and miscommunications on the part of CAS. It has taken several months of working and reworking access visits for the birth parents. At first the parents were given visits twice a week for 2 hours each it has since been changed to five and now six days a week for two hours each time. She has been given no information as to why visits have been increased and what that means for them as far as moving from fostering to adoption. If anyone has been through something similar, does the increase indicate the birth parents or
Extended family is closer to regaining custody?

The birth parents have admitted to using drugs on a daily basis although they have cut their I suave in half. Why would they be allowed to continue their visits while still under the influence?

They have also missed several visits and are late frequently. When my friend inquired why this was allowed to continue she was told the parents needed to miss or be late 3 consecutive times for it to count against them. Does this sound right?

They have been told that they are not allowed at any of the court dates and they will not be given any updates regarding what occurred during court. Is this a policy and rule or does the court just prefer them not to be there?

Is it normal to feel unsupported and out of the loop or do they just have a poor worker? Do all foster parents with the hope of adopting feel this was when working with CAS or does my friend just have a particularly hard to work with worker?

Any help, suggestions or advice is welcome. These are some of the best people I know with the biggest hearts and I just hate that they are so stressed, confused and hurt by their dealing so far.

[Jo1984]

If I was your friend I would push for more information...just so she is not let down and can prepare her family and the child if changes will occur. In foster situations there are usually 3 workers involved...a child worker, family(birth) worker and a resource(foster family)worker. I would be calling each one until I knew what was going on. They always say as a foster family you are also part of the team and they need to be well prepared for whatever the outcome.

The court could also have ordered more visits because they have been "well behaved". However this could also be one last try to have them prove they are fit or unfit. Its really hard to say. Best of luck to her and I hope things go smooth for them and their darling baby whichever way it goes.

[Cassandra_Angela]

We have two workers one for us (child and kinship family) and the other for the birth family and many times there is a miscommunication between the two workers. In my opinion (and I'm only guessing) either the birth family worker is thinking that reunification is a possibility OR they are "killing them with kindness" and are seeing if they can indeed keep up consistancy when its more than just 2 hours a week. Regardless I would be pushing for more info.

[JacMac]

Definitely they should closely be recording when the birth parents are missing or late or possibly under the influence.

[RFree83]

Thank you for your responses. I think a lot of the issues are from working with a worker (their worker is also the baby's worker ) that is totally new. Like, this is her first case new.

Anyone have any tips for them that will make this process any easier for them? Things that you learned that would be helpful to others fostering with the hopes of adopting?

[Cassandra_Angela]

I wish I had some words of encouragement but it is a tough road. I was placed with my oldest adopted child 10 years ago when he was 1 years old. Seven months ago we were placed with his younger sibling (7 years old) - I take an arms length approach, I provide the basic necessities and smiles and laughs but I dont provide much physical connection or specific maternal bonding because I know that he could be leaving so for me it kinda feels like long term babysitting (until I know that he will be staying, then I will focus on increasing the bond) - thats impossible to do though when its an infant.

If I were your friends I would be pushing for specific info about why the changes and what those changes mean for the permanency planning.

[s00n]

I definitely agree. Approach this with the child's best interests - and remind all the workers involved that you're doing this.  Then ask them what their thougthts are and how you can facilitate.  If you're keeping careful records of the birth family's visits then this should be helpful for everyone to have a realistic determination of whether they can parent.

 

Foster to adopt must be very challenging and rewarding and I wish you the best of luck!

[sakoon]

I provide the basic necessities and smiles and laughs but I dont provide much physical connection or specific maternal bonding because I know that he could be leaving so for me it kinda feels like long term babysitting (until I know that he will be staying, then I will focus on increasing the bond) - thats impossible to do though when its an infant. If I were your friends I would be pushing for specific info about why the changes and what those changes mean for the permanency planning.???

[RFree83]

Unfortunately the baby was placed in the maternal grandmothers care a few weeks back. Although they saw it coming over the weeks, they were devastated. My heart breaks for my friends and I truly hope they can find the right path to parenthood. Good luck to all of you pursuing adoption, you are by far stronger than I am.

[s00n]

Very devastating.  Our city does not do foster to adopt, because the priorities are conflicting.  Fostering can be a road to parenthood but it should really be altruistic and aimed at giving parents a second chance to do better.

 

I feel for your friend.  Hopefully this child will have success in a kinship placement.

[Someday]

Fostering even with a view to adopt is just that. The main goal of Cas is reunification with their parents or kin. Although it can be painful for foster parents , they are not entitled to confidential information about the parents and are not permitted to be at court dates. Putting it simply, that is not their role. Their role is to care for a child while in their care to the best of their ability. IF that Child becomes available for adoption, then they would have priority over others that have no relationship with the child. Cas' job is to work with the family to try to return their children. Foster parents as a huge part of this child's life need to to be their to support this child and the plan to reunite them with family. That is in the best interests of the child if it can be done safely