I have friends who are stepmothers, and I know that there are women here who are stepmothers too.
It is a role that comes with its' challenges (and rewards) and it can sometimes be lonely.
How do you navigate?
I saw this article on Huffington Post and it made me think about it again.
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6083802
What are some good coping tools as a stepmother?
What are your experiences?
StepMom
Started By
gibasgirl
, Nov 01 2014 08:44 PM
5 replies to this topic
#1
gibasgirl
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Posted 01 November 2014 - 08:44 PM
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#2
Pandabear8
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Posted 01 November 2014 - 09:39 PM
I always say/think that "one day" when they are older and wiser they will see and appreciate all the things I have done for them. Helps me deal with the unappreciativeness right now anyway. They may or may not ever realize what I do, but helps me cope if I at least think they will one day.... 
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#3
Laura1976
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Posted 02 November 2014 - 01:41 AM
(Sorry, I didn't read the article)
I was awful to my step mom when I was younger, now she is pretty much the only family I have.
I would say be like an aunt, don't try to be a mom. Give time and patience, hopefully in time a bond will come.
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ME 35 SO 32 TTC #1 since September 2008
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November 29/11 - Unexplained IF/Recurrent loss testing
Compliment C3 & C4 below acceptable range
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Dexamethasone (0.5mg) - Start February 4/12 until beta
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February 9/12 Gonal-F lowered to 225iu Repronex remains at 75iu
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“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” - George Carlin
See 'About me Page' for more cycle history
November 29/11 - Unexplained IF/Recurrent loss testing
Compliment C3 & C4 below acceptable range
LA Ratio DRVVT above acceptable range
Lupus Inhibitor demonstrated
Antiphospholipid IgG above acceptable range
Antiphospholipid IgM above acceptable range (more than double)
Consultation @ VFC December 10/11
IVF/ICSI #2 (with Intralipid therapy) January/February (Victoria Fertility Clinic)
BCP December 16 -29/11 & January 6 - 28/12
Vitamin D (2000iu daily) and Iron Supplement (Ferrous Gluconate 300mg daily) - Start December 24 until Dr advises otherwise, PregVit 5 (Starting January 12/11), Vitamin E (800iu daily) until Heparin begins (Starting January 14/11) Fish Oil (1200iu daily)
Superfact (0.5mg) - Start January 22/12
Dexamethasone (0.5mg) - Start February 4/12 until beta
After ER - Doxycycline (100mg), Estrance (2mg), Prometrium (200mg 3x day), heparin 5000 units (2x day), calcium (1500mg daily), low dose aspirin (81mg daily)
Intralipids - February 13/12 and day of ET
Neupogen Uterine Flush - Day of ER
February 2/12 - E2 35p/mol
February 4/12 - 300iu Gonal-F & 75iu Repronex
February 9/12 - U/S & E2 - RIGHT- 11, 9, 10, 19, 8, 12, 11, 10, 13, 6 LEFT: 12, 7, 10, 10, 8, 6, 5, 5 E2 2635
February 9/12 Gonal-F lowered to 225iu Repronex remains at 75iu
February 11/12 - U/S & E2 - Right 14, 10, 11, 12, 10, 13, 12, 12, 14, 7 LEFT: 11, 8, 10, 13, 9, 8, 8 E2 5610
February 13/12 - U/S an E2??? & Intralipid Therapy
February 16/12 - E/R 20 eggs, 17 mature and ICSI'ed, 3 left to fertilize by regular IVF
February 17/12 - Fert Report 16 fertilized by ICSI, 1 fertilized by IVF
February 20/12 - Neupogen injection
February 21/12 - Transferred 2 Blastocysts ( 1 x Grade 19 Early Blast, 1 x Grade 19 Expanded Blast) and Intralipid Therapy and Acupuncture
“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” - George Carlin
#4
gandere1
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Posted 02 November 2014 - 09:39 AM
For me, it's been extremely difficult and at times extremely rewarding. It's not a natural relationship. The child didn't ask for a step-parent, nor when I was growing up did I ever think....I want to meet my prince charming with a child. But it happens.
Yes - I am not the mother. Yes - I understand that completely. No - I don't need to be reminded that I am not a parent on a regular basis by anyone or everyone I meet. For me, it was a constant reminder of what I didn't have. It pained me, and for years I was in counselling.
Yes - the role is difficult. You need to set boundaries for yourself. You need to set boundaries with your significant other. You need to create a family unit where there is mutual respect.
You don't get a lot in return. Not like their parents. But you do make a difference. Even if it takes a while for them to figure it out.
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#5
gibasgirl
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Posted 02 November 2014 - 05:48 PM
This is a life experience and familial contribution that is underappreciated all too often.
I like the comment about being more like the aunt. Would that help in terms of support from the partner/spouse?
I like the comment about being more like the aunt. Would that help in terms of support from the partner/spouse?
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#6
runnerchick
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Posted 09 November 2014 - 03:44 PM
I could go on forever about the evil stepmother. Mine has totally and completely compromised my relationship with my dad because I am treated as the second class citizen of the family. I get the "happy wife, happy life" thing, but when she picks on me, my dad doesn't defend me whatsoever.
My advice to a step-parent would be to make no differentiation between your kids (if you have them) and your spouse's kids when it comes to behaviour. The expectations have to be the same, as do the consequences.
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