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How has infertility affected your marriage/relationship? What did you do to cope?


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#1 lumnay

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Posted 28 October 2014 - 04:30 PM

I'm pretty sure I am not the only one here whose marriage has suffered/ is suffering because of infertility.  I understand that nobody has a perfect marriage/relationship and that problems come and go.  I would like to know how you've coped with issues that came up during and after your TTC journey.
 
Did you try counselling?  Did it work?  Are you still with your partner/spouse?
 
Thanks for sharing. Please feel free to vent about your marriage/relationship issues.  

Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#2 quandry

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Posted 28 October 2014 - 04:48 PM

It's actually affected more my relationship with his family than with him directly.  We've been dealing with the loss of connection with his family as a side effect (his parents were here the day a cycle was cancelled, I wanted them to leave, and they didn't.  I needed alone time, and they were in my space.  I wasn't kind, but I wasn't mean either).

 

We've dealt.  It's been tough, especially last summer...  We've gotten through simply because we love each other.  I see a therapist to deal with overall stress in life because I have post concussion syndrome and the lower my stress the better my headaches are.


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#3 amp77

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Posted 28 October 2014 - 05:02 PM

For us, we did get into a really bad place but it was when we were not talking about things.  We went to the fertility clinic got testing done, had polyp and endo removed, tried a few months, and then just kind of gave up and were not always putting in our full effort because we became tired of monthly disappointment but never discussed it.  At times my DH thought I didn't want a family when it was so important for him.  He was gone a lot, due to work, which didn't help at all.  Finally we made an effort to do some things together, take a nice vacation, talk more openly.  We spent the next 6 months just becoming a couple again and then began the testing again and started IVF.  Once we started testing, DH became much more interested and so supportive.  Once IVF started, even more so.  He would go out of his way for me when I asked for things, would tell me how great I was for going through all the injections etc.  He became a new person.  We became much closer once we took time to communicate and be a couple.  Things are even better now that we got the long-awaited BFP.

 

I am not sure if infertility was what was pulling us apart early on, or if it was just that we were not talking and not making an effort to be close and to take care of each other.  Would counselling have helped?  Probably.  Overall, in the end, the process did bring us together and we became very supportive of each other.  When we were just trying on our own, it was very lonely.


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Age 39, DH 43 in Oct.

TTC on and off since 2007 before our second IVF, in 2014, brought us our beautiful son.

 

FET #1 -  Sept 2016

Day 1 - Sept. 9

Monitoring - Sept. 18-22

Lining Check - Sept. 22 (11.3 mm)

Transferred 5B-BB Sept. 25 - BFP!!!  HCG 890 @ 12dp5dt and Progesterone 95.
Midwife appointment Sept. 19 and first ultrasound Nov. 4
3 Frosties left

 

<a href="https://lilypie.com/"><img src="https://lbdf.lilypie.com/9GKrm4.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Seems like forever ago...

 

Age 37, DH 40.

TTC on and off since 2007

Unexplained Infertility

 

IVF #1 - April 2014 - BFN - no frosties

 

IVF #2 - July 2014 - BFP - 5B-AB and 4 frosties (5B-BB, 2x4B-BB and 3B-BB)

Apr. 13, 2015 - Daniel Erik was born at 5:05 am, weight 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22" long.  He is perfect in every way.

 

 


#4 amazing grace

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Posted 28 October 2014 - 07:31 PM

For the most part I would have to say that my husband has been extremely supportive through it all, and still as we struggle. There were days where he just did not want to talk about it and then I would get upset because I felt that it was not important to him. How wrong I was. I realized with time it was and that was his way of coping. I learned over the past three years that people deal with disappointment, anger and frustration in different ways. For me, I talk about it and cry, for him, he shuts down and wants to be left alone until he is ready. Me learning and understanding that, helped me deal with the whole process in a more positive light.


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#5 Fuelgirl

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Posted 28 October 2014 - 10:54 PM

For us, he didn't understand the science behind the procedures. He thought Clomid was magic and every month came into the bedroom with "let's make a baby". It was fun at first, then after each period came and went, it got less and less fun, and more emotional. I finally had to tell him to just stop saying that. For him it was an action, for me it felt like pure pressure and took the romance right out the window. As our journey has gone on, we talk about being parents, how we would enjoy teaching and growing old watching our little one do this or that. There has always been a fictional baby in our lives, so when we moved on to adoption (before we met our future donor), that was another tough road. So many decisions about what kind of lifestyle and habits we would "accept" of the birthmother and birthfather. It was brutal. So many arguments and boundaries explored. We did go to counselling. It really helped us get back to talking about non-ivf/adoption subjects, get our finances in order, even planning life without kids, retirement etc. 
Then we met our future donor and when she offered, we just looked at each other and said "YES"! It was like we were instantly on the same page. No questions, no doubts, just action. We are closer now than ever, but there were moments I thought that this marriage won't handle all the hormones I'm on, my mood swings, his lack of understanding the odds are against us, but somehow, we are closer. We are stronger and even more ready to try one more time.

Good luck, and talk to a professional in this field. They know what you need to get off your chest, and understand that it really does help.


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March 2011
IVF #1 BFP....5 week u/s found no embryos in sac - medicated miscarriage @ 6 weeks
Oct 2011
FET: BFN
Jan 2012
IVF #2 BFN

April 2012: Adoption Options application and seminar

Jan 2014: AO file renewed for year 2

March 2014: Looking for our donor

April 9 2014: Dr. Hudson at VFC feels I can carry if I follow a wheat-free diet, lose more weight, and all our tests come back normal. Will see how things go, and think we have found an egg donor!

Sept 29: start BCP, Preg Vit 5, Iron, Greens from It Works (I am a Distributor :)

Oct 17: Depo Lupron Shot, continue bcp, prenatal etc.

Oct 24: Last bcp, period should start in next 4 days

Oct 29 Blood test (Estradol and progesterone)

Oct 31 Start Estrace and 81mg aspirin

13 Nov - fly to Victoria with donor

14 Nov - base line u/s and bw, both of us.

week of 20th retrieval/transfer


#6 ollie2013

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Posted 29 October 2014 - 11:15 PM

my husband sometimes gets on my nerves because  he just seems too positive...he always says " you cant give up, you should never give up"... etc... and i just dont want to hear it sometimes...

 

he also got frustrated when i said i dont even want to bother with one cycle ivf with my own eggs... he kept saying oh we have to try once.. we didnt speak for 5 days after i said i dont want to go through with it..

 

its been really rough...


me 26, dh 32

ttc for almost 3 years

one ectopic pregnancy, lost one tube- 2013

one miscarriage- 2014

poor egg quality, unstable hormone levels. AMH dropped from 4 to 1.5 in 4 months.. had it retested and came back at 1.4

RE predicts that i will go through menopause around age 30..27 or 28. Suggests one round  of ivf and then it is time to move onto another option.

1st ivf booked to begin in september

Sept 17- B/w and U/S, Starting Stimulation

Clinic Error and IVF cycle cancelled in October- took some time to think about my options

 

November- Moving onto donor eggs-

donor #1 selected through little miracles

Dec 29- Lupron Injection

Jan 22- Estrace Started

Estimated Retrieval day for donor is Feb 6. 5 days into the cycle, donor was found to have cocaine and marijuana in her bloodstream- cycle cancelled.. heartbroken and very disappointed

Donor egg cycle round 2 - let's hope things go well this time!

Donor #2 selected... Retrieval in April!


#7 Rhodi

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Posted 30 October 2014 - 09:31 AM

It can be rough, but it got a lot easier for me once I was really honest with him about what I needed/wanted/felt. For a long time, I would dance around issues, or not say how important certain things were to me - it was the gentle approach. One I decided to rip the bandaid off, it was rough for a very short time - but then got 100x better. DH is now so supportive. It's so much better to be doing this hand in hand, having each others' back, and supporting each other. Don't get me wrong, it's a rough road and the hormones, side-effects, shots, anxiety, waiting, financial stress, all make things really difficult - it's so good to keep connecting with each other and remembering the love you share because it provides that soft landing when things are so challenging.


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cEZfm5.png?n4lofqns

 


#8 LastTry

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Posted 30 October 2014 - 10:23 AM

my husband sometimes gets on my nerves because  he just seems too positive...he always says " you cant give up, you should never give up"... etc... and i just dont want to hear it sometimes...

 

he also got frustrated when i said i dont even want to bother with one cycle ivf with my own eggs... he kept saying oh we have to try once.. we didnt speak for 5 days after i said i dont want to go through with it..

 

its been really rough...

 

this is tough situation... I guess you need to talk more to each other and explain "why" this or that.

 

We had the opposite situation - when I was optimistic and my husbund pessimistic\realistic. When we realized that we need to have the fertility treatment,  DH did not want to do ivf with own eggs when we put on the plate the age\odds\price\time . I was very frustrated. We had a long talk. I explained him that even with the low odds and the price tag, I want to try. Just to not regret in the future that I did not try it... I told him - let say we go straight ahead to the donor embryo and it works. You will look at this baby and how will you feel knowing if you would try , you might have had the biological child? But if we try with OE, it doesn't work and then move to donor embryo - at least there are no regrets (I reminded him about one desicion in our life when he made that decision only based on money and he regrets so much about that decision even 15 years later). First my dh did not accept my point of view. I was sad. When we brought the topic again a couple of weeks later, I made the decision that it is ok for me to go straight ahead to the donor route, because I do not want to hear his blaims for the rest of my life that we lost time and money for the low odds cycle... Surprisingly, my dh changed his mind and convinced me that I was right and we should try it no matter what ...

And I am in piece right now - yes, we tried with OE, it did not work. We moved to DE and I am so happy that I got bfp. Now holding my breath and praying for the successful pregnancy and I know I will love this child so much!!!

 

May be you need to explain your husband why you do not want to do OE ivf (low odds, high price, can't handle it emotionally if this doesn't work, etc.) and convince him it is the best for you and your relationship? Talk, then take time so he will be able to think about what you said, then talk again , so you will be on the same page when you are ready to start any treatment.

Good luck!!!


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Me&DH 40+, 2 kids (teenagers),
3 miscarriages  (all 1st trimester natural pregnancies) 8388.gif8388.gif8388.gif 2010-2012
IUI and IVF with OE did not work for me
DE IVF - October 2014 th_abfp.gif
Baby boy arrives in June 2015!

 


#9 ollie2013

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Posted 30 October 2014 - 08:37 PM

I have tried to explain it to him but i do not think I am articulating myself all that well right now.

 

We have been trying since I was 23... I am now 26. In three years, I have had a terrible ectopic that cost me my tube and almost my life and one miscarriage. I know this might not make any sense but I kinda feel like at my age, if it was meant to happen, it would have happened already..my body is just slowly failing on me in this respect and i feel helpless because i dont know what caused it and no one can fix it. In a way, i have just given up on myself as well...and i dont want a failed ivf cycle as another reminder that my body doesnt work the way it should.

 

he just has faith that i dont have anymore..

 

 

 

 

my husband sometimes gets on my nerves because  he just seems too positive...he always says " you cant give up, you should never give up"... etc... and i just dont want to hear it sometimes...

 

he also got frustrated when i said i dont even want to bother with one cycle ivf with my own eggs... he kept saying oh we have to try once.. we didnt speak for 5 days after i said i dont want to go through with it..

 

its been really rough...

 

this is tough situation... I guess you need to talk more to each other and explain "why" this or that.

 

We had the opposite situation - when I was optimistic and my husbund pessimistic\realistic. When we realized that we need to have the fertility treatment,  DH did not want to do ivf with own eggs when we put on the plate the age\odds\price\time . I was very frustrated. We had a long talk. I explained him that even with the low odds and the price tag, I want to try. Just to not regret in the future that I did not try it... I told him - let say we go straight ahead to the donor embryo and it works. You will look at this baby and how will you feel knowing if you would try , you might have had the biological child? But if we try with OE, it doesn't work and then move to donor embryo - at least there are no regrets (I reminded him about one desicion in our life when he made that decision only based on money and he regrets so much about that decision even 15 years later). First my dh did not accept my point of view. I was sad. When we brought the topic again a couple of weeks later, I made the decision that it is ok for me to go straight ahead to the donor route, because I do not want to hear his blaims for the rest of my life that we lost time and money for the low odds cycle... Surprisingly, my dh changed his mind and convinced me that I was right and we should try it no matter what ...

And I am in piece right now - yes, we tried with OE, it did not work. We moved to DE and I am so happy that I got bfp. Now holding my breath and praying for the successful pregnancy and I know I will love this child so much!!!

 

May be you need to explain your husband why you do not want to do OE ivf (low odds, high price, can't handle it emotionally if this doesn't work, etc.) and convince him it is the best for you and your relationship? Talk, then take time so he will be able to think about what you said, then talk again , so you will be on the same page when you are ready to start any treatment.

Good luck!!!

 


me 26, dh 32

ttc for almost 3 years

one ectopic pregnancy, lost one tube- 2013

one miscarriage- 2014

poor egg quality, unstable hormone levels. AMH dropped from 4 to 1.5 in 4 months.. had it retested and came back at 1.4

RE predicts that i will go through menopause around age 30..27 or 28. Suggests one round  of ivf and then it is time to move onto another option.

1st ivf booked to begin in september

Sept 17- B/w and U/S, Starting Stimulation

Clinic Error and IVF cycle cancelled in October- took some time to think about my options

 

November- Moving onto donor eggs-

donor #1 selected through little miracles

Dec 29- Lupron Injection

Jan 22- Estrace Started

Estimated Retrieval day for donor is Feb 6. 5 days into the cycle, donor was found to have cocaine and marijuana in her bloodstream- cycle cancelled.. heartbroken and very disappointed

Donor egg cycle round 2 - let's hope things go well this time!

Donor #2 selected... Retrieval in April!


#10 Meary

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Posted 06 November 2014 - 05:58 PM

For the most part, we're good.  Some of the most recent difficult times have been due to his lack of understanding for how upset certain situations make me feel.  He thinks that me not wanting to hear his parents go on and on about their grandchildren is equal to me wishing everyone had to deal with what we are going through.  That's not the case.  He doesn't understand how I can cry when a friend announces a pregnancy.  I think it's just a fundamental difference in our emotional processing.

 

He did almost get stabbed with a knitting needle though, when I was having a hard time with our 'due date' (miscarriage) being at the same time as his parents 11 day visit.  He said to me 'I thought you were over this, do you need to see a therapist or something'.  He doesn't get how there can be certain triggers a long time after you are feeling 'ok'.  I had to explain it this way: "You know how my mother died?  Ya, well you know how mothers day and her birthday are still things that are going to be annual sad reminders?  It's like that."  Gah, now I'm mad at him again for that.

 

But honestly, our day to day relationship is good.  Our intimacy is still good.  We've managed to be a 'Us against the world' kind of team, with the exception of a few set backs.

 

Plus, the man makes me laugh like no one else.  So he may stay ;)


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#11 JennyAnne

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 12:12 PM

Things were rough when hubby and I were going thru ivf. He blamed himself and was always beating himself up over it. As if he chose to have low sperm count and motility. He became depressed over it. Things were not good. I found that taking breaks in between cycles helped us. Also, we joined a support group thru our hospital. Talking to live people going thru the same things as us really helped. I think of we did it all over again, I would lean on my girl friends more or join support group again and maybe exchange numbers with other couples ttc. Feeling alone all the time was awful for me, but I couldn't talk to hubby bc he blamed himself.

Side note, hubby now sees dr regularly and is on meds. We are in a much better place. But the fear of what we went thru before has prevented us for attempting a second child.
  • lumnay likes this

TTC for 2+ years
Male factor infertility
IVF/ICSI - 11/2009 BFN (Froze 6)
IVF/ICSI - 02/2010 Chemical pg
IVF/ICSI - 05/2010 BFN
FET - 08/25/2010 transferred 3 embies
1st Beta - 09/08/2010 288.7
2nd Beta - 09/10/2010 941
3rd Beta - 09/13/2010 2,859
I AM PREGNANT!!!
U/S - 09/22/2010

CALEB ISAAC born 5/26/11


#12 lumnay

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Posted 28 November 2014 - 07:12 PM

UPDATE:

 

We've gone to a couple of therapy sessions but really not much has changed.  Some days my emotions overwhelm me (up to the point where I wish I was married to a different man), other days I think we're really okay (especially we didn't have this infertility problem).

 

We've also started acupuncture. It's expensive and not very convenient (schedule-wise) so he's been complaining.  Sigh. 


Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#13 Egyfied

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Posted 05 April 2015 - 01:07 AM

This thread just hit home. I'm going through a lot with my husband now and i just can't seem to make him understand me.

We just had our first failed ivf cycle about a month ago and we are about to start FET. I stayed at my parents house during the cycle, he was traveling with the exception of a couple weekends he came to visit. Constantly he complained about how hard it was being alone. I had to remind him I wasn't on vacation getting poked and prodded and getting hormone headaches and barely ever sleeping.

Anyway I'm home with him now and he's told me more than once now that I'm making his life so difficult and I need to get my sh*% together. He's all like I have enough to deal with, I don't need you to add to it. it's like one or two days we are fine (or I think we are) then out of nowhere be snaps at me bc I held a bottle the wrong way then blames me for his upset.

I will not play the innocent card here. I'm still kinda devastated and hurting over the failed cycle. I'm not working, don't have much of a social life and I feel useless. So yeah I can get a little frustrated and restless but I'm never disrespectful to him or a major jerk. I just need to be acknowledged and understood and it's proven a difficult task for him.

We talked about my IF twice now and he's told me your anguish isn't going to fix anything. Pray and leave it alone. He doesn't understand how I'm constantly reminded with pain (I have severe endo) and weird discharge and overall feeling blah most of the time.

I'm thinking about giving him an out. Like a chance to walk away if this is all too much for him to handle. I'm really still a great wife and I treat him like a king and I hate to feel like a fool constantly trying to please him if he is unpleasable and tired of having me around. Is that a good idea or do I need to ride this out. We've been married less than two years.

#14 lumnay

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Posted 08 April 2015 - 04:08 PM

This thread just hit home. I'm going through a lot with my husband now and i just can't seem to make him understand me.

We just had our first failed ivf cycle about a month ago and we are about to start FET. I stayed at my parents house during the cycle, he was traveling with the exception of a couple weekends he came to visit. Constantly he complained about how hard it was being alone. I had to remind him I wasn't on vacation getting poked and prodded and getting hormone headaches and barely ever sleeping.

Anyway I'm home with him now and he's told me more than once now that I'm making his life so difficult and I need to get my sh*% together. He's all like I have enough to deal with, I don't need you to add to it. it's like one or two days we are fine (or I think we are) then out of nowhere be snaps at me bc I held a bottle the wrong way then blames me for his upset.

I will not play the innocent card here. I'm still kinda devastated and hurting over the failed cycle. I'm not working, don't have much of a social life and I feel useless. So yeah I can get a little frustrated and restless but I'm never disrespectful to him or a major jerk. I just need to be acknowledged and understood and it's proven a difficult task for him.

We talked about my IF twice now and he's told me your anguish isn't going to fix anything. Pray and leave it alone. He doesn't understand how I'm constantly reminded with pain (I have severe endo) and weird discharge and overall feeling blah most of the time.

I'm thinking about giving him an out. Like a chance to walk away if this is all too much for him to handle. I'm really still a great wife and I treat him like a king and I hate to feel like a fool constantly trying to please him if he is unpleasable and tired of having me around. Is that a good idea or do I need to ride this out. We've been married less than two years.

 

Egyfied,  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I don't have words only hugs. Counselling and huge effort to effectively communicate seem to help me/us (at times).  I hope things get better for you.   


Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#15 Aiglee

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Posted 09 April 2015 - 08:26 AM

Egyfield, I recommend you go to therapy, both individual (at least for you) and couples. The IF odyssey takes too much of a toll and when the 2 people are not in the same page it can be the situation worse. 

 

I have had the experience of both sides of the coin. I went through IF with my ex-husband, and after 2 years we became that, ex. He wasn't supportive and blamed me. I don't know if therapy would have helped at the beginning, once we went, it was all over.

 

My DH is the complete opposite. We have been trying for almost 3 years and I couldn't ask for someone better. I do go to therapy relatively often so I am unload some of my issues on someone besides him and being able to concentrate on non-fertility thing with DH from time to time. 

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.


  • gibasgirl likes this

TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.


#16 Alex1978

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 10:32 AM

It's taken a toll on us too. In fact, my husband told me he wanted a divorce in December, then changed his mind. He was exhausted and worn out from having to support an extremely depressed wife who "couldn't get over" her miscarriage. We did a few counselling sessions and now seem to be alright, but I'd be lying if I said I fully trust him. 


Me: 38, DH: 36

AMH: 17.9, AFC: 35+, FSH day 3: 6

Dx: mild male factor, Asherman's, AMA

TTC since April 2013

Mmc: September 2013

Referred to Hannam fertility clinic December 2013

Hysteroscopic myomectomy: February 2014

LEEP: May 2014

Abdominal myomectomy: June 2014

Cleared to TTC September 2014

Monitored unmedicated cycle September 2014: BFN

Unmedicated IUI October 2014: BFN

IVF freeze all January 2015 = 11 eggs retrieved, 10 fertilized with ISCI, 3 day-6 blasts sent for CCS testing = 3 euploid (normal) embryos

TTC natural cycle February 2015: BFN

TTC natural cycle March 2015: BFN

TTC natural cycle April 2015: BFN

May 2015: referred for diagnostic hysteroscopy for possible Asherman's syndrome

May 2015: hysteroscopy results: atrophic uterus; variant of Asherman's syndrome

June 2015: proceeding with gestational carrier

October 2015: gestational carrier found

December 9 2015: one 3BB CCS normal blast transferred to GC; miscarriage at 6.5 weeks

Next steps: find new carrier, get 2nd diagnostic hysteroscopy


#17 Egyfied

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 03:22 PM

Thank you lumnay, aiglee, and alex1978 for your kind words of support and advice. I've never been to counseling and like most people the idea kinda freaks me out but im definitely open to giving it a real shot if it will help us. Thank you ladies. Best of luck to everyone in navigating these rough waters.
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#18 Yam

Yam
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  • 45 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 19 May 2015 - 12:13 AM

I'm so glad I found this thread. It's sad to read all of your stories and realize how much this IF journey can affect us.

 

I feel so disconnected to my DH right now. I really wanted to keep trying for one more baby, but he just wasn't on board. We had two more frozen embryos left and now they will be destroyed. I am crushed.

 

Will I ever get past this feeling? How can I reconnect with my DH when we seem to be on such different paths?


Me: unexplained

DH: perfect

 

2010: IVF success! (Twins born at 36 weeks)

2013: Surprise pregnancy (Lost at 7 weeks)

2015: FET (U/S at 7 weeks showed only an empty sac)

 

Our family of four is now complete. We are moving on.


#19 Yam

Yam
  • Member
  • 45 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 19 May 2015 - 12:15 AM

I also feel like he doesn't understand just how much our two losses have affected me. He can somehow brush it off, but I think about those babies every day. And now our last two embryos being destroyed almost feels like another loss.


Me: unexplained

DH: perfect

 

2010: IVF success! (Twins born at 36 weeks)

2013: Surprise pregnancy (Lost at 7 weeks)

2015: FET (U/S at 7 weeks showed only an empty sac)

 

Our family of four is now complete. We are moving on.


#20 forever_u28

forever_u28
  • Global 100+
  • 117 posts
  • Dx:N/A

Posted 19 May 2015 - 07:45 PM

I'm so glad I found this thread. It's sad to read all of your stories and realize how much this IF journey can affect us.

 

I feel so disconnected to my DH right now. I really wanted to keep trying for one more baby, but he just wasn't on board. We had two more frozen embryos left and now they will be destroyed. I am crushed.

 

Will I ever get past this feeling? How can I reconnect with my DH when we seem to be on such different paths?

 

Although I don't know what you and your husband are going through, to me, I thought if you have frozen embryos already, why not give it a try? However, have you and your husband considered counselling? I think most clinics have fertility counsellors on site, or can recommend one.


  • lumnay likes this

#21 Aiglee

Aiglee
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  • 236 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Kitchener, ON
  • Interests:TV, movies, books, puzzles and video games
  • Dx:DOR
  • My Clinic:One Fertility

Posted 20 May 2015 - 08:10 AM

I was thinking the same thing as forever. However you have your own reasons not to try the FETs so no one is questioning it, I guess just curious :) 

 

I do agree in counselling, one that specializes in fertility issues. Don't continue with the disconnect and the resentment, take it from someone with the experience of the worse side of it.


  • lumnay likes this

TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.


#22 lumnay

lumnay
  • Global 100+
  • 690 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lower Mainland BC
  • Dx:Other
  • My Clinic:PCRM

Posted 20 May 2015 - 07:29 PM

Yam, I am sorry that you are going through this.   I do not know your whole story but if you are not ready to let go of your embryos then perhaps you might want to delay that decision? 

 

I agree with forever and aiglee.  I personally find counselling quite helpful when it comes to bringing couples to communicate more effectively.  Although it might not always be possible for couples to agree on a lot of decisions, just having access to a safe place to vent and express your views and concerns could help your relationship.  If he doesn't want to go to counselling, you could still try this for yourself. 


Who stole ambushed my stork?  So many failed cycles with nothing to show but bills, receipts, and empty bottles of medications/herbs/supplements. See my profile for details... 

 

Kindly save your sticky vibes and baby dust and send them to those who are new and excited in this journey. 

 

 


#23 Yam

Yam
  • Member
  • 45 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 21 May 2015 - 12:24 AM

I did want to do an FET with our last remaining embryos, that's what I have been trying to convince my husband of. But he refuses. I also would have loved to delay the decision to destroy the embies, but it's too late now. I just feel so empty inside. How can two people who are supposed to love each other be so disconnected and be so far apart in what they want in life?

 

Perhaps I should look into some counselling. Thank you for your replies ladies, and for your understanding.


Me: unexplained

DH: perfect

 

2010: IVF success! (Twins born at 36 weeks)

2013: Surprise pregnancy (Lost at 7 weeks)

2015: FET (U/S at 7 weeks showed only an empty sac)

 

Our family of four is now complete. We are moving on.


#24 Pharoah

Pharoah
  • Just Hatched
  • 5 posts
  • Dx:Endometriosis

Posted 26 November 2015 - 12:29 AM

Reading this thread is scary.  I don't know where my husband and I will end up.  Its too early to begin counselling as we have not even gone through an IVF cycle yet but he has already been asking me questions like "what's wrong with you?" and because my best friend cant conceive either, he's been questioning what we did prior to getting married. I feel so lonely and so depressed.  Its not the kind of thing I want to share with my girlfriends.  Life to me appears like an avalanche of stuff.  Sighh not sure anyone can help but just needed to get this off my chest. 



#25 Aiglee

Aiglee
  • Global 100+
  • 236 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Kitchener, ON
  • Interests:TV, movies, books, puzzles and video games
  • Dx:DOR
  • My Clinic:One Fertility

Posted 26 November 2015 - 01:06 PM

Pharoah, I am so sorry you are going through this. Feel free to get as much as you want out of your chest. Having said that, I do recommend you go to therapy, there is no reason to wait until a treatment or anything like that, it is already affecting you and your relationship. Don't let it go too far because it will only go worse without help.


TTC since 2012 (plus 2 years around 2008/2010). I'm 37 years old, husband is 28. 
 
Karma:

Unexplained Infertility. 3 Failed IUIs with injectables in 2014. IVF #1: 5 day embryo transferred, 1 frozen. BFN. FET #1: 1 6 day embryo 2AB. BFN
One Fertility:
Finally have a diagnosis, DOR. AMH of 5.8 (Canadian). IVF #2: 2 eggs fertilized (ICSI), transferred 2 day 3 embryos. BFN

 

Adoption with CAS: Adopted a baby boy! Home since November 6th, 2016.