45 replies to this topic

[hopefulgirl]

Oh wow, this is one people are divided on and for good reason. I think we've all been there after a fb announcement came at a difficult time in our journeys.

With my IVF pregnancy I did not post anything on fb until he was 6 months old. I emotionally disconnected myself from a lot of ppl when TTC and was not an active user. As my baby got older FB was the most convenient way to share photos with friends and family out of province/country so I became more active. I trimmed down my friends list to under 50 people though, limiting it to those I actually keep in touch with.

I did share our announcement this time, after I had told our friends in person who were struggling. I did not do a bump or ultrasound photo, opting for a photo of my sons little feet next to a pair or booties with the due dates below. I struggled with posting that for awhile but ultimitely decided to go for it.

I personally try to limit baby/pregnancy photos/posts to milestones or funny stuff. I also make a point to post photos and status' about other topics as well. I don't upload albums upon albums of anything, but that's just not my style.

I think you have been sensitive to those around you struggling and you should not feel guilty announcing your pregnancy. A single friend of mine said she finds engagement announcements or photos of couples vacationing sting for her. That had never occured to me and just goes to show that everyone is going through their own struggles in life. We can't hide every aspect of life should it offend someone else. While I'm not a fan of the 'bring and brag' angle of FB, I think you can share your happiness in a tasteful way. Congrats and enjoy.

[My_time]

Ha ha. Me!! I have actually above 500!!

[Cassandra_Angela]

The part of FB that I love (and keeps me around) IS seeing the pictures and reading the status'

The people that only post vine videos or shares from pinterest are normally the ones that I hide. Hearing about the good, bad and ugly is all part of being "friends" whether its in real life or on FB. In my opinion if I wanted to see nothing but pictures of kittens I could look online for that, when I am looking at your profile I want to know what is going on with YOU (just my personal opinion).

[frostedlemon]

This is a really tough one and you'll never make everyone happy, so I say do what makes you happy.

 

I did an announcement when I felt ready for it, and did a brief "after x years of trying, we're thrilled and terrified to say that we're pregnant" or something like that. And I did a blurb about how much it sucks and no one talks about it, so if you're struggling too, we can talk because I know what you're going through. I felt that that got both points across - hey, I'm pregnant and excited, but I know that not everyone is and I know that it sucks.

 

I am one of those people who posts a lot about my kid, but honestly that's because a lot of my friends are mom friends and I have family who live far away and I don't see them much, and (mostly) because I have a really boring life with nothing much else going on. Not nuts on that last part, but it is what it is, that's life with a young kid. I hope anyone who is offended by it has blocked me and I would totally understand if they told me that they had done it.

[impatient]

I'm looking at it more from the opposite point of view: 

 

If a casual acquaintance posts about a pregnancy, I might think to myself, "Oh, that's nice," but more likely, I won't actually really care much at all. 

 

If a really good friend or a relative posted their pregnancy announcement on FB and didn't call or email me, I would feel offended - like I wasn't good enough of a friend to get a 'real' announcement.

 

Everyone is totally different, so do what makes you feel comfortable.  Personally, I would send an email and I would wait until much closer to the due date.

[Bubby99]

I hope I don’t come across as judgmental; I am trying to share my two cents here rather than attacking anyone. I hope some of you know me by know that I have no intention of personal attacks and again this is only my humble view on this matter.
 
I personally am immune to feeling emotional when reading people's pregnancy announcements in FB; however, I want to point out that in this site we all daily observe ladies, who while being on the infertile side, express their sorrow and sad emotions from other people’s FB announcements and then when they get pregnant (thankfully) they forget how they felt about those announcements and become one of them. I go through a lot of posts and I can remember (yes I do have a very good memory) of people before their pregnancy talking about their friends pregnancies and how it was difficult for them. We all are aware of these feelings, if we suffered from those announcements why putting another person in that harsh situation? On average people have 300-400 friends on facebook from old school mates to the university friends and colleagues. In Canada every 7^th person is suffering from infertility. That means that among your facebook friends you probably have around 45-55 people who are suffering or have suffered from IF and you are probably not aware of that. As such, I have vowed to never go public and I didn't do it with my first child too as I was well aware of infertility and had the same views.
 
I am old school and I admit that; to me celebrating the pregnancy and putting an announcement on facebook has nothing to do with each other. If anyone is close enough to me, they will find out. If someone is not close to the point that I don’t have their email address, then probably they don’t care about my pregnancy anyway.  Again, that is my humble opinion and I am not judging anyone else. Our parents celebrated their pregnancies without facebook and I chose to see it that way. Why do we need facebook to validate our happiness?

You took the words right out of mouth! Couldn't agree with you more.

[CdnHockeyGal]

Personally....I think FB is a great place for birthdays. I had a dear friend post an U/S photo at 37 weeks only to lose her baby girl at 38 weeks in a cord tragedy. To have to cope with that kind of loss and then do it publicly...nope. I've also never felt a strong urge to post pics of my insides to a large audience.

[Duck]

We never posted until they were born, close friends knew, but that's it.

I think your being kind and sensitive, it's okay to post that your expecting a child, it's the complaining about pregnancy that I feel is rude(complaining about something others desperately want can be quite hurtful).

[My_time]

Personally....I think FB is a great place for birthdays. I had a dear friend post an U/S photo at 37 weeks only to lose her baby girl at 38 weeks in a cord tragedy. To have to cope with that kind of loss and then do it publicly...nope. I've also never felt a strong urge to post pics of my insides to a large audience.

I too have a friend, who posted around 12 weeks and then her child tragically died at 5 months and she had to give birth to a still born. She didn't announce the loss on FB and then for months had to delete various posts that friends were leaving on her site asking how the pregnancy is going and if she had given birth yet... Going public that broadly has its own disadvantage as it doesn't let one grieve in private if things go wrong.

 

Mind you, I am not the right person to comment on this as I don’t even get why people feel the urge to let the FB know if they have had a nice dinner or cooking chicken for dinner tonight??!? I for sure hide anyone posting more than once a week. Honestly, who cares…

[JacMac]

I still have to tell people that i haven't seen in a while that we lost the baby. Last episode was on Thursday. :/
Most people don't realize i lost the baby since it's now past the due date. They just assume i've delivered him already.

[My_time]

Sorry JacMac

[CdnHockeyGal]

I'm so sorry JacMac.

[Saffy]

I haven't read all the responses and this seems to be such a hot topic. I think since you have let the 4 couples you know who are struggling know personally you are free to post on fb if that is what you want. Personally, I actually prefer to see people's pregnancy and birth announcements on fb rather than in person. It gave me the freedom to be as annoyed, sad, angry and any other emotion I experienced in private. I would leave a nice message and then click the "unfollow post" button so I didn't have to be constantly reminded of it. I would much rather that then to run into them somewhere and be told. That way I could have my feelings and be supportive and happy for them when I see them in person.

[Cloud992]

My_time - i agree with what you say. But then again, i'm definitely not very active on FB. I change my status once a year max and my picture is completely outdated! It would feel completely wrong to suddenly start posting such a news!

I guess it depends on people and how they use FB. Like supermom said, if you typically update your status regularly with trivial matters, it would seem odd not to update it for this! That being said, i think there are classier ways to announce it than others.

I personally un-follow my FB friends who are serial updaters of everything related to their pregnancy (i don't need to know that your boobs don't fit in a C-Cup anymore!) or for every little thing their kids do. Not only do i find it annoying but it also hurts me deeply as it's a constant reminder that i'm infertile and that I may never have that.

[Beth83]

I am having a dilemma with this at the moment, we found out a couple of weeks ago that we are pregnant naturally after TTC for a few years and are shocked and excited.  We have been struggling for so long and were going to start IVF in April.  We have our first ultrasound this weekend (approx 10 weeks) and have agreed to tell close friends and family after that.  I'm just all torn about the Facebook announcement.....one part of me says go ahead, why not, you struggled for so long and now it's your turn to post that gitty with excitement happy facebook announcement......the other side of me says why do you need to tell people who you don't see on a day-to-day basis what has been going on in your bedroom?! LOL.  Also from an infertility standpoint I know first hand how much it hurts to log on and see those posts, it rips your heart out stomps on it and puts it (partway) back.

That said there is probably a 75% vs. 25% part of me that wants to NOT post it, but then I think won't it be odd when I start putting up baby pics or a belly pic towards the end(?) if I never put anything up about being pregnant in the first place?  I would hate for anyone to think think that I don't appreciate my blessing because I am not gushing about it all over facebook....

[Triscuit]

I posted an announcement on Facebook but waited until 19 weeks.  Close friends and family already knew before the post.  I think we deserve to make a happy announcement too, especially after we have tried so hard and waited so long.  I didn't post any u/s pictures as I found that too personal.

 

What I find really insensitive is when there is a multitude of posts about the pregnancy.  I just did a few.

 

Some of my friends have recently become pregnant and they told me ahead of time so I wasn't shocked or too upset by the Facebook announcement.  I appreciated that, even though finding out was upsetting to me regardless.  I also hid their announcement posts from my newsfeed so I wouldn't have to keep seeing it and seeing all the congratulations over and over again.

[Nope]

Just my 2 cents.... If you consider these people to be friends, tell them in person or over the phone (if they are far away). I rank sharing news like this over Facebook with sharing it via text. Do not hide it and it may actually be encouragement for the friends who are going through the same thing.

I had what I thought was a good friend hide her second pregnancy from me until I saw her when she was 7 months along. Not OK.

[JacMac]

I don't comment on pregnancy or birth announcements or posts so I don't have to see them keep popping up in my newsfeed/notifications. If I'm close enough to the person I'll send them a PM congratulations then probably go cry a little in my bedroom.

[Crazy]

Just keep the post simple and it is fine. When I was going through the waiting and cycling I had some friends post simple announcements and had no issues with it.

I would much rather read about someones happy news than the potty training saga I had to endure on my facebook feed a year ago. That person is now set to most important posts only.

[gracegirl]

Don't worry so much about managing other's emotions. Tell your friends and family in person and post what you want when you want. Others are able to manage their own facebook use. Like JacMac says, she doesn't comment so she doesn't have to see the other comments and the repeated posts popping up...

[Beth83]

Thanks so much for all of your insight, it helps!!!