18 replies to this topic

[*RoseBud*]

I don't even know what to say... Or what I should even title this post.

What a flipping day this has been... Today was my first experience with a close friend announcing her pregnancy. I didn't even know what to say! And the rest of our time together was completely and utterly painful for me. I just wanted to jump up and run out of there. I still don't even know what to do. It's like a knife in my heart just being twisted.

On a side note my flipping neighbours have their Christmas lights up.... wth!? Bah humbug!!!!!!

[allcriedout]

((HUGS)) I know how you feel.  Every single time that it happened to me, It was like time stood still - shock, severe urge to just barf, cry, scream, you name it, I felt it.  And to this very day (even after success) sometimes I still get that pang whenever I hear a pg annoucement or see a pg woman. It does get better with time as we learn to cope but the scars do run really deeply and will never escape us.

 

I am so sorry that you are here going through all of this too!

Wishing you a better and brighter day tomorrow.

 

Love and hugs,

ACO

xo

[allcriedout]

Ohhhh... And Christmas lights ... already? WOW! At least wait for Halloween to pass! LOL! We still have turkey in our teeth ffs!LOL!
 

Well, to each's own, I guess!

[JacMac]

I've had three pregnancy announcements in the last week, two from people very close to me and third about a 19 y.o. who doesn't work and her boyfriend works for a landscape company. Not to mention two births are upcoming including the sister of my husband's best friend (due the day after we were) and my cousin (who did IUI). 

I had to leave dinner quickly last night after one of my friends was being congratulated on her pregnancy. 

 

I've found a way to cope by joining a group of people in my age group who don't have children, or at least the children don't come to the events. We play volleyball and host parties and go to community events. Only a few people know my situation and why I joined the group. It's nice to be a part of a group where the conversation doesn't centre around babies and childbirth. 

 

It doesn't get easier but you just find ways of learning how to cope until you can get away from the situation. I'm honest with my friends that hearing about their pregnancies is exciting but also hurts me. I've been prone to crying fits this week. 

[*RoseBud*]

That's the thing JacMac, how do you find those people? Seems like all of my friends have children or are having them.

[JacMac]

I joined a meetup.com group in my city devoted to 20 and 30 yo to encourage people to get out and do things.

[LadyBee28]

Rose bud- I wish I had advice for you, just one day at a time. I see you live in or around Calgary. Part of the problem is this city is like land of pregnancies! My mother even comments everytime she visits how hard it must be for us because she's never seen so many strollers and pregnant ladies until she comes here. We are in a perpetual baby boom.

[JacMac]

You think Calgary is the land of pregnancies! We have a population of about 100,000 and have been averaging around 1,200-1,400 babies per year up here. Basically every other woman is pregnant or he two or three kids or more hanging off her. It even affects my husband to see so many young families.

[Merry33]

It's tough. I feel like there has been a dramatic increase in friend pregnancies after our unsuccessful IVF, but I'm pretty sure it's my perception. I've been really struggling since then, and every new announcement makes me cringe and I feel sick and nauseous.

I like the meetup group idea. Calgary also has a pretty great infertility support group, you might want to check that out (I've been there a few times myself, you can PM me if you want the contact info).

[JacMac]

You guys have a whole bunch of meetup groups in Calgary. We have maybe 4 or 5 lol.

http://canada.meetup.../ca/ab/calgary/

This is one similar to the one I'm a member of:
http://www.meetup.co...irtySomethings/

[*RoseBud*]

Unfortunately I'm not in Calgary. A meet up would be nice. I'm not from the town I live in so I only have a select few friends and its just a matter of time before I run out of childless friends

[Jenniflower9]

I can totally relate to this.  I am on my way right now to meet one  of my Best Friends who is pregnant with her first.  She has had struggles like mine but her 3 miscarriages have lead to diagnosis and resolution and now she is almost 5 months along. 

I feel awful and disgusting saying this but I am dreading tonight and I feel awful for that.  We celebrated my Birthday with them a month ago and on one side I had her and my friends discussing her pregnancy and on the other my husband and hers discussing how hard this all is for them.  I had to get up crying   My best friend from High school is due same day I was meant to be October 27th so everyday on FB I see her stroller updates and growing belly, I'm close to blocking her

I wish I could say that every day is getting easier, but its not.  I am on month 3 of a break from the clinic and nothing is making me feel better.  I am bitter, angry, sad and lonely.  I used to feel like I had a Friend in this with me but now She is in baby land.  I am happy for her and grateful her struggles are over but cant help feeling so sad for me  

I know this should give me hope but when I have a double whammy of recurrent miscarriage (Blood clotting) and unexplained infertility it feels virtually hopeless.....

I'm sorry you are feeling so low and I wish I could give you some advise but I feel like we are alone in this struggle.  Aside from my Husband and Family and some close Friends we are alone.  I read an article about government funding for IVF and some jerk commented below that we do not have a disease and do not deserve coverage.  The absolute ignorance of people astonishes me.

The only thing I can suggest is to try and be open about your feelings, that's my plan for tonight.  I am going to tell her how happy I am for her, but that I need her to understand how hard this is for me right now.  Hopefully she can understand.

Sorry to be so negative.  I really wish for rainbows for us all very very soon!  And with those rainbows lots of years of giggles and tears and playing and Amazing times!!!!

[Bubby99]

Jenniflower9 I'm so sorry for all your struggles, it's a tough journey.  Out of curiosity have you tried to get a second opinion to see what else could possibly be going on?  

[Jenniflower9]

Bubbly99 that's the next step.  We are planning a round of injectables with IUI in January and if that doesn't work I am going to get a second opinion.

My current clinic made it pretty clear to me that I am unexplained and that there are no more answers.  Said that I need to come to terms with the fact that this may not ever happen for me.  That was a real eye opener, I think what lead me down this path of being so much more depressed.

My Family doctor said its time for a second fresh set of eyes and maybe more positive atmosphere....

Hubby has below average sperm count also but not enough that they were too worried...  I also have scarring on my cervix from a cone biopsy.  Lots of little things contributing to this big problem....

[JacMac]

I hear you Jenni as you and I are in a similar boat. My due date was next week and I was doing better but have been struggling a lot lately with my emotions and everything. Didn't help I found out three people around me were pregnant all within the last few weeks, plus a few who are due and delivering. 

 

We're on a non-voluntary break at the moment as they found something on my adrenal glands at my post-miscarriage ultrasound so now waiting for an MRI and the results at the end of the month. 

 

Two books I found helpful in realizing what I might need to change in my lifestyle/diet were Making Babies and If At First You Don't Conceive. When there's so much out of our control with IVF, especially unexplained, it's good to know that there are things we can change and do differently that will help. 

[Jenniflower9]

Thank you JacMac, I have read a few of your posts and know your timing is very close to where mine was except you were so much further along and my heart breaks for you

I know how I feel and that makes me feel even worse for you and your Husband.....

I definitely feel like there are things to read and treatment options, I guess where I fall of is the cost of it all.  I have been looking all day for support groups and counseling and everything I find starts at $100 per hour and more...

You didn't choose this, I didn't choose this.  It makes me very confused when I think that woman have the freedom to choose whether to proceed with an accidental pregnancy free of charge as many times as they would like (I support the woman's right to choose) but we don't have the right to choose to HAVE a child.....

I wish you were closer, it would be nice to give you a big huge hug and then maybe go throw water balloons at Teen Moms and Fertility Clinics!!!!!!!

[JacMac]

Aww, thanks so much. There are some free fertility support groups out there. 

Here's the list for Ontario:

http://www.iaac.ca/e...-groups/ontario

If there's not one near you maybe you could help start one. Our started because of a facebook group started by one local lady and then others joined. We're slowing gaining members on our facebook group and have had three support group meetings so far. I? find it great to meet and share with other people going through infertility and seeing all the different points that we're all at. 

[Bubby99]

Jacmac thank you for sharing this link!

[Jenniflower9]

Thank you for the link!!!!