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Family Baby Shower

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#1 LMR

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 07:36 AM

Hi All, This may be the wrong place to post this, but here I go.........hope you all can help me.

My DH and I have been on this TTC journey or about 4.5 yrs total. After about 3, we were lucky to have conceived our DS through IVF#2. When DS was 1yr, we did 3 FETs back to back, nothing. When he was 1.5 we did IVF #3 - fresh transfer resulted in chemical. FET a couple months later resulted in BFP, only to have a missed miscarriage at about 7.5 wks and went on to D&C at 10.5. Did the last FET last month, BFN. That brings us to now......I have a baby shower to go to this weekend - it is my DH's cousin's wife. I must say that they have been through their own issues and I am so happy for them. Yet, she is due a couple of weeks before I was supposed to have our second. I struggled with what to do....DH said do what you want, which left me with a ton of feelings. Guilt that I didn't want to go, angry that I felt like he wasn't supporting me enough, etc. So I called and said yes after sitting on the invitation for close to 3 wks. Now it is this weekend. I find myself crying at the thought of going. DH said to just call and say I am sick, which also makes me feel guilty. I am in a situation where there is no good solution.

What are your thoughts? What would you do?

#2 notalone2

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 07:40 AM

At a certain point you have to protect yourself. Call in sick and bring a gift later. I have skipped many baby showers but have to host my sisters in sept. I feel no guilt for not going to these things. Protect your heart and for those who don't understand too bad
Feb 2010 natural bfp - miscarriage blighted ovum
March 2011 first meeting at Ofc - slight male factor poor morph
June 2011 iui - cancelled lead follicle grew too fast
July 2011 iui2 - 2 follicles - bfn
October 2011 iui3 - 1 lead follicle fee fast - bfn
January 2012 iui4 converted to ivf - 5 eggs retrieved 0 fertilization - no transfer
June 2012 ivf #2 12 eggs retrieved 9 mature 8 fertilized with iCsi - 2 blasts Transfered day 5, 2 frosties - bfn
Nov 2012 FET - thawed our only frosties (2) only one survived. Transfer 1 blast 3BB
BFP nov 20

#3 galfromaway

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 07:57 AM

Ditto notalone2 - you need to look after yourself at this point. If you don't feel comfortable going, and don't think you can attend without an emotional outburst, call in sick and get together with her later. I've done that with friends, and it worked for me. It sounds like your DH is trying to be supportive by encouraging you to do what is best for you, rather than telling you what to do.

Let yourself be upset, and try not to punish yourself by feeling guilty. You have every right to be sad, angry, disappointed, and every other emotion that gets stirred up in situations like this.

Our story:

Nov 2009 - laparoscopy, endometriosis removed.
Jan-July 2010 - Clomid. Nuffin.
Nov 2010- IVF attempt 1 - two embryos transferred
Dec 2010 - Positive beta
Jan 2011 - Blighted ovum sad.png
Oct 2011 - IVF attempt 2
Nov 2011 - Negative beta. Done.
Winter 2011/12 - published: http://offbeatmama.c...t-not-defective
Spring 2012 - PRIDE training
July 11, 2012 - positive HPT - WTF??!!! Natural pregnancy it seems! Approx 6.5 weeks along
July 20, 2012 - Appointment with doctor. Ultrasound - it's in there!! 7w6d along, due March 1, 2013!


This is really happening! *happydance*


February 25, 2013 - Dakota Rose arrived after a somewhat unexpected c-section. And we are so in love. :)




#4 Juliet

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 09:52 AM

I'm sorry LMR. Once I was actually going through IVF, a present to myself was not attending any more baby showers. I too had to help give one for my sister a few months before (a surprise pregnancy, it was very difficult to watch the cheering for the first grandchild but I made it through) and after that I cut myself off. The showers afterwards were for close friends, so I got DH to bring a gift to the house before the shower began for one of them, and for the other I was a day before my ER and we brought over a gift belatedly when it was better for us.

You should not feel guilty or bring yourself down over this. IF is hard enough physically and emotionally, that the least others can do is respect that not all women are in the same place they are at the time, and for some, showers are a heartwrenching experience so hard to feel in control at. To celebrate others when you are grieving, in other scenarios, is better understood but this qualifies just the same. Put yourself first, reducing stress and additional heartache can only give yourself the best chance to achieve your dreams and protect your fragile feelings.

At this point, you can absolutely say you are sick, and give a heads-up in advance if you feel able to if you're worried about it seeming a last-minute excuse. Take care of yourself - you deserve it. Let us know what you decide!

#5 runnerchick

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 11:37 AM

Totally agree with what everyone else has said. If you don't feel strong enough, call and say you're sick, and take a gift over later. You don't need to elaborate, and you don't need to feel guilty. Something I found that helped when I declined the baby showers was to plan something for the afternoon so I wouldn't be thinking about it all day. Watch your favourite movie, go for a long drive, do a craft or read a book. Anything to distract yourself.

You are not alone in this situation- I think we have all been there and had tough decisions to make.

#6 L_in_Calgary

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 01:20 PM

I agree with all the comments that have been said. I have also struggled with whether to attend baby showers or other events with a huge number of babies. While we want to celebrate or feel we should attend these events we can celebrate and show our support in other ways that are less painful to us. Dropping off a gift is a great idea or offering to celebrate over a private lunch (this only really works if they now the situation). Someone on one of the thread gave great advice - this is a time to be gentle with yourself.
me 37 dh 38 ttc since May 2010 (high FSH, mild MF) Aug - Sept 2011- 2 cycles with Clomid and TI - 2xBFN Sept - Nov 2011 - 3 IUIs with clomid - 3xBFN IVF #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 300 Gonal F eSET - 3 day - BFP (3x day 3 frozen) April m/c at 8 weeks DHEA, Q10 and continue acupuncture in prep for next cycle July - chemical IVF #2 - Aug/Sept 2012 -225 Gonalf & 225 menopur Sept 17th - eSET 1 blast (5 basts frozen) Sept 30 - BFP First u/s Oct 18 - measuring on track, hb 150 NT scan - measuring on track and low risk DD arrived June 2013 FET #1 - March 2015 - BFN FET #2 - July 2015 - eSET Chemical (1 transfered 3 didn't survive thaw) Aug 2015 Natural BFP - Chemical FET #3 - Oct 2015 - two transfered (1 didn't survive thaw - no more frozen) - Chemical. All frozen used & no success. On DHEA and Q10 in prep for next treatment. Dec 2015 BFP - Chemical, Jan 2016 Chemical. IVF #3 (with ICSI) Feb 2016

#7 keeptrying

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 01:35 PM

DO. NOT. GO. You have been through so much. Spend some time away from infertility and babies and baby gifts and little baby party favours and hang out with your son and husband at the beach. Or the park. Or your backyard. Give yourself a break this weekend. Give yourself permission to have fun with your family instead of trying to celebrate something that really hurts your heart and soul. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You have more than earned the right to a weekend free of tears and heartache. Don't go.
Me (36) DH (36) Married 6 years
TTC 6 years
Diagnosed mf (low counts morphology bad blah, blah, blah) (Dec 2007)
IVF ICSI #1 January 2008 (Genesis)
1st transfer BFN
FET #1 April 2008 BFN
Long break over summer
FET #2 November 2008 BFN
FET #3 Feb 2009 BFN
What to do????
Here we go again...
New Clinic (PCRM)
Lucky IVF/ICSI #2 July 2009
Transfer August 9, 2009
HPT 6dpt BFP!!!
Beta #1 8dpt 90!!!
Beta #2 10dpt 230!!!! It's real! It's real!
Our Baby Girl born May 6, 2010
Jan/Feb 2012..one more time frozen transfer to come
Transfer delayed
Final FET Transfer March 14, 2012
1 "OK" blast
Very faint BFP 5dp5dt
BFN to follow
Official BETA 8dp5dt BFN
This journey comes to an end...
Maybe not...
Follow-up with RE to discuss latest SA
Numbers up!!!! IUI to come...
First IUI Sept 24/2012
Post Wash 2.3 million 97%motile Good quality, low quantity.
BETA Oct 8/2012
HPT 10dpo very faint BFP
HPT 11dpo darker...
HPT 12dpo little darker...
BETA Oct 9/2012
BETA: 91
BETA #2 Oct 11/2012
BETA #2: 185 Just doubled...
Nov 1, 2012 U/S all good...

#8 JaneAndElla

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Posted 27 July 2012 - 01:49 PM

Totally - DO NOT go - protect yourself. I don't go to showers anymore. You can either be honest and explain why, or say you came down with the flu. I don't even like to shop for baby gifts! Send a gift card! And you shouldn't feel bad at all.