Happy 1st Birthday Karolina
Posted 22 July 2012 - 11:27 PM
I cannot even begin to find the words to offer my gratitude for this forum. The amount of support I've received has never ever gone unnoticed or forgotten. I got tons of messages from so many of you and they touched my heart deeply. Thank you so much for reaching out to me while I was in my darkest days. They helped to heal my broken heart.
I know there are a number of you out there who really have stayed with me and walked along side me during this last year.
I will continue to be an active member in the infertility community and in the baby loss community, giving my helping hand for those who have to join this unfortunate group. Please do not hesitate to message me or reach out to me if you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. I've needed that ear and shoulder at many times through this year and so many of you have offered them to me, so it's just fair that I give back and try to help others.
Much love being sent out to you all, where ever you are in your journey.
- lexi likes this
Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:55 AM
You are the most inspirational person I have ever "met". In the midst of your sadness you have been able to support and inspire those around you. You are an amazing woman! I will continue to be inspired by your strength and beauty.
I am sending you love and prayers.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 03:42 AM
What a beautiful blog entry and a beautiful, tiny girl. You look so happy to have met her in your photo, as you should be. Thank you for sharing her with us. My thoughts are with you today as you remember your angel.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:03 AM
I hope you and your DH find peace today somehow in the midst of the grieving.
Sending lots of hugs your way...
IVF # 1
Nov 14/10 - Transferred 1 Blastocyte (3AA) and froze 6 others
Nov 26/10 - BFP! Beta was 767
Dec 1/10 - 2nd Beta was 3187
Dec 12/10 - Miscarried. Beta is 2400
On to FET #1 - Feb/11
March 16/11 - Fet #1 - Transferred 2 beautiful blasts w/ Assisted Hatching
March 28 - BFP! Beta is 659
April 1 - 2nd Beta 2769
April 4 - Miscarried. Ultrasound confirmed no sac
May/11-July/11 - Had Autoimmune bloodwork done, as well as karyotyping to see if there are any abnormalities.
On to FET #2
July 16/11 - Start bcp again
Aug 3/11 - Cancelled Cycle due to Vit D Deficiency. Now on supplements.
Re-try FET #2 -
Sept 21/11 - FET #2 - Transferred 2 beautiful blasts w/ Assisted Hatching
Oct 1/11 - BFP on a HPT
Oct 3/11 - Beta was 4 = BFN
E-tegrity Biopsy done- results came back normal
IVF #2 -
Jan 30/12 - Transferred 2 - 3 day embryos. Froze 3 Blasts
Feb 13/12 - BFP! Beta is 821
Feb 21/12 - 2nd Beta = 16,131
May 1/12 - 15w Scan = 2 Babies Look fantastic
May 21/12- Delivered 2 beautiful little girls @ 18 weeks. Taken from this world much too soon.
FET #3 - Here we go again...
Aug 29/12 - transferred 2 blasts - 3AA / 3BA
Sept 10/12 - BFP Beta = 264
Sept 14/12 - Beta = 106 Chemical
Papework is started for International Adoption from Russia!
Jan 20/13 - Retrieved 7 eggs... of which 5 are Mature
Jan 23/13 - Transferred 2 beautiful 3 day embryos
Feb 6/13 - Beta = 1324
Feb 12/13 - Beta = 13,475
Mar 3/13 - 8 week Ultrasound - Twins!
Apr 22/13 - Cerclage was placed, on Bedrest. Twins still doing ok at 14w1d
May 23/13 - 24 Weeks and counting! Still on Bedrest till delivery
July 21/13 - 28 Weeks .. still on bedrest
Aug 17/13 - 31w6d... Ali and Lea were born weighing 3.4 and 4.1 respectively. Girls are healthy and growing and waiting to come home from NICU!
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:13 AM
2007-went off the pill. thought we'd get lucky. ha!
2009-testing, testing and more testing
Me: 29 DH: 33, severe male factor (less than 1 mill/ml)
Jan. 28th- ER. Retrieved 7 eggs
Feb. 2nd- ET. Transferred 2 beautiful blasts
BETA: Feb. 15th BFP! 1493
March 8th-first ultrasound . 1 perfect heartbeat. 158/min.
April 12th-baby is doing great!
May 27th- We're tickled pink! It's a girl!
Oct. 13th- DD is born!
Me. 32 slightly elevated FSH: 11.2 DH: 36 Male factor (ranging from less than 1 million-20mill/ml)
IUI with Injectables#1-3 follicles
Cancelled due to low sperm count day of IUI.
WTF appointment May 11th. Done with this IUI experiment. back to IVF/ICSI
Sep 19th-ER 12 eggs
Sep 20- 9 out of 12 mature. 7 fertilized
Sep 24- 5dt of a beautiful blastocyst. 5AA and 3 frosties.
Oct. 1-+HPT, lots of red spotting (this sucks!), early beta 70.
Oct 5- 2nd beta-20 Early miscarriage
Oct. 9-3rd beta-0 BFN
Jan. 8th-LH surge
Jan 12th-FET, Single 5AA blastocyst
Jan 19th and 21-BFP on HPT!
Jan 23- BFP 1161!
Posted 23 July 2012 - 09:26 AM
Posted 23 July 2012 - 09:29 AM
Sending you hugs.
So fortunate to have twin boys from IVF #1
Thinking of the embabies we have on ice.
January 13- CD 1
March 2- ER, 10 mature eggs retrieved
March 3- 9 out of the 10 fertilized!
March 7- Transfered 2 perfect blasts and froze 6.
March 23- Beta Day- 5500!!
April 7- 1st ultrasound- TWINS!
May 12- NT scan- both babies looking good
July 11- 20 week scan- two perfect looking boys 15oz each; cervix 4.5cm
August 3- 24 week scan- both boys looking good, weighing in at 1lb8oz each
September 1- 28 week scan- I have two big, active boys- Baby A 2lbs10oz, Baby B 2lbs15oz
October 10- Nathan & Brayden are here! Arrived safe and sound at 33w5d
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:39 AM
Thank you so much for sharing a picture of your beautiful baby girl. Shes so perfect.
I cant even begin to imagine what you have been through. Even though I dont know you, I think you are the strongest person I have ever encountered.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
TTC Since 1999
Adopted DD October 2003 (direct placement)
IVF #1 March 2012 BFN
No frosties...back at square one!
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:42 AM
Sending you big hugs today!
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:49 AM
Although I have pictures of Emmett. I have not of us together. At the time I didn't have the courage to hold him in my hands for fear of never letting him go. Plus he was so incredibly small I was afraid I'd break him.
Your story is tragic, yet beautiful because of you and how you've told it. You are a beautiful person with an amazing heart. You deserve to finally be connected with an angel one day soon who will be able to stay and share in Karolina's memory.
- Laura1976 likes this
9 IUIs, 12 months Fermara, 4 months Clomid, 5 rounds of injectable, 1 LAP, 1 HSG, 2 Uterine Biopsies, 1 Postcoital, 1 IVF, 2 FETs... 2nd Fesh Cycle IVF - ++Beta 110!
TTC#2 - Dreams coming true... Surprise BFP Au Naturel! Never really started trying, but never gave up hope on dreams coming true. 20w2, after 6 days of strict bedrest, we lost our baby boy, Emmett to my incompetent cervix and he was born sleeping. 24cm long, 0.67lbs he was the most perfect little angel and has brought with him many lessons for us to remember him by.
Lightening strikes twice apparently>>>> May 24 ++HPT, Followed by ++Beta. Numbers are low, but doubling. EDD Feb1/2013 ~ Baby Boy arrived 5 weeks early in under 2hrs. Left me with 4th degree tears. 2 years later, still pending reconstructive surgery In that time hubby had a vasectomy. Never thought we'd have a chance to take fertility into our own hands
Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:04 PM
Your blog post was amazing and Karolina is so very blessed to have you as a mother. You were selfless and full of love and your smile in the photo shows how much love you had and still have for her. You only wanted her to know love and not sadness and for that you should be forever proud. Thank-you for sharing your story, thank-you for allowing me to see the light on the dark days. You are an inspiration.
Much love and may you find peace and strength today.
DH - all good
4+ years TTC - about me page for details
Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:18 PM
You are in my thoughts today. The picture of you and Karolina is beautiful.....those memories are precious. Please take care of yourself today, mourn the death and celebrate the life of your daughter.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 12:47 PM
I truly admire your strength.
See 'About me Page' for more cycle history
November 29/11 - Unexplained IF/Recurrent loss testing
Compliment C3 & C4 below acceptable range
LA Ratio DRVVT above acceptable range
Lupus Inhibitor demonstrated
Antiphospholipid IgG above acceptable range
Antiphospholipid IgM above acceptable range (more than double)
Consultation @ VFC December 10/11
IVF/ICSI #2 (with Intralipid therapy) January/February (Victoria Fertility Clinic)
BCP December 16 -29/11 & January 6 - 28/12
Vitamin D (2000iu daily) and Iron Supplement (Ferrous Gluconate 300mg daily) - Start December 24 until Dr advises otherwise, PregVit 5 (Starting January 12/11), Vitamin E (800iu daily) until Heparin begins (Starting January 14/11) Fish Oil (1200iu daily)
Superfact (0.5mg) - Start January 22/12
Dexamethasone (0.5mg) - Start February 4/12 until beta
After ER - Doxycycline (100mg), Estrance (2mg), Prometrium (200mg 3x day), heparin 5000 units (2x day), calcium (1500mg daily), low dose aspirin (81mg daily)
Intralipids - February 13/12 and day of ET
Neupogen Uterine Flush - Day of ER
February 2/12 - E2 35p/mol
February 4/12 - 300iu Gonal-F & 75iu Repronex
February 9/12 - U/S & E2 - RIGHT- 11, 9, 10, 19, 8, 12, 11, 10, 13, 6 LEFT: 12, 7, 10, 10, 8, 6, 5, 5 E2 2635
February 9/12 Gonal-F lowered to 225iu Repronex remains at 75iu
February 11/12 - U/S & E2 - Right 14, 10, 11, 12, 10, 13, 12, 12, 14, 7 LEFT: 11, 8, 10, 13, 9, 8, 8 E2 5610
February 13/12 - U/S an E2??? & Intralipid Therapy
February 16/12 - E/R 20 eggs, 17 mature and ICSI'ed, 3 left to fertilize by regular IVF
February 17/12 - Fert Report 16 fertilized by ICSI, 1 fertilized by IVF
February 20/12 - Neupogen injection
February 21/12 - Transferred 2 Blastocysts ( 1 x Grade 19 Early Blast, 1 x Grade 19 Expanded Blast) and Intralipid Therapy and Acupuncture
“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” - George Carlin
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:17 PM
Me: 33 DH: 31
TTC 4+ years
Asthmatic - Bricanyl & Symbicort daily
Hydrosalpinges --> Bilateral Tubal removal
IVF#1 - September 2011 - Short protocol - Cancelled/Ectopic pregnancy; Tubal removal (October)
IVF#2 - March/April 2012 - Modified Microdose Flare Protocol - BFN - 3 frozen blasts
FET#1 - July 2012 - Cancelled; zero survive thaw
IVF#3 - October/November 2012 - Modified Microdose Flare Protocol - BFN - 3 frozen blasts
Hysteroscopy and Biopsy February 2013 - All results normal
FET#2 - BFP - March/April 2013 - EDD December 25, 2013
2 frosties waiting
January 1 - Our beautiful baby boy arrived after an emergency induction. Completely in love! <3
Posted 23 July 2012 - 02:00 PM
8 failed IUI's
Lap discovered Endo Stage 4 & tubes not working b/c of scar tissue
IVF/ICSI #1 with 3 blasts 2 transferred one frozen - Chemical pregnancy July 2007
IVF #2 cancelled due to poor response Fall 2007
IVF/ICSI #3with 2 good blasts BFN - January 2008
FET #1 - One transferred BFP!!! October 2008
DS Born 2009
Natural pregnancy (it's actually possible??) miscarriage at 7 weeks June 2011
IVF #4 - EPP - 450 gonal -f 75 Luveris - 3 embryos 2 put back on a 3DT - BFN - no frosties May 2012
IVF DE #1 Dec 2013 - Blighted Ovum D&C 9 weeks 3 frosties FET DE #1 June 2013 - slow growth weak HB at 7 weeks, gone at 9 weeks...2 frosties FET DE #2 June 2014 - 2 Blasts transferred....Ectopic.....Methotrexate shot 10 weeks....
Posted 23 July 2012 - 07:27 PM
Dx: Male Factor, DOR
TTC since Dec. 2010
IVF#1 - Oct '11 - converted to IUI - BFN
IVF#1 (take 2) - Dec '11 - BFP
Beta 1 (9dp3dt ) -58, Beta 2 (11dpt)-178, Beta 3 (13dpt)-435, Beta 4 (15dpt) - 935 -Born Still - May 18,2012
FET #1 - Jan '13 - Chemical
Surprise Natural Pregnancy - April 2013
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:11 PM
Me 30 DW 34 - Two mummies to be! I'll carry my wife's egg so we can blend our family
First IVF Cycle
March 2012 Fresh - BFN
April 2012 FET- BFN
May 2012 FET- BFP - M/c6w6d
Second IVF Cycle
August 31 Fresh-
1st Beta 265 (TG) 11dp3dt
Sep 8 - 2nd Beta 8751 18dp3dt
Sep 15 - 3rd Beta - 43066 25dp3dt
DS is born the 4th of May 2013 and we are so smitten!
Me - 32 DW - 36 DS - 1
Second IVF Cycle
April 2014 FET - BFN
Third IVF Cycle
July 2014 Fresh -
1st Beta 105 (TG) 9dp5dt
2nd Beta 1150 14dp5dt
Third Beta 12470 21dp5dt
DS is born 7th of March 2015 and he is so precious.
Planning in 2016
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
Posted 26 July 2012 - 02:25 PM
I finally got the courage to read your entry for her birthday and again, like your blog post here last year, it made me cry for you. But what a wonderful celebration of her you had. You are an amazing woman, and Karolina was lucky to have you while she was here.
Went to fertility specialist in 2002
LAP in 2003 found ENDO and cleaned it up
2003 did 6 cycles of Letrozole and Clomid. Couldn't use every cycle due to cysts so it took well over a year.
2003-2004 hated the way I felt on the drugs so after my treatment I opted out for the recommended IVF
Another LAP to clean up ENDO in fall of 2005
Winter 2005 decided to adopt
2007 finished our PRIDE training and started Fostering With A View
2007-2008 fostered two beautiful toddlers that went back to their BM
2009-2011 fostered a 1 month old infant and 2 year old toddler for 706 days. Went to another adoptive family and because we were 3 weeks short of our two years our lawyer can't get us to even see a judge. We have no rights.
December 2010 had another LAP to clean up ENDO
April 2011 looking into IVF - Started acupuncture
January 16, 2012 went for IVF in Mexico via IVF Cancun and International Patient Facilitators
January 27 ER, 5 eggs, 4 fertilized, 3 made it to day 3
January 30 had 3dt of three embryos (one 8 cell grade 1, 2 x 5 cell grade 3 - 1 being best)
February 10 beta 224!
February 16 beta 1021! Please stick little bean! xoxo
February 27 6w3d U/S one bean with a perfect HB!
March 14 8w5d U/S, our little bean still growing, HB 180!
May 23 18w5d anatomy U/S looks like a girl!
June 14 22 week U/S had to go back to recheck the heart and spine, guess what, it's a BOY!
October 31, 2012 Baby Declan is here!
Posted 26 July 2012 - 06:29 PM
Thank you also for being such a compassionate cheerleader of other women here. You have impacted and inspired many of us greatly, more than you know.
Posted 26 July 2012 - 06:52 PM
Posted 26 July 2012 - 07:18 PM
I read each of your messages and they all brought me to tears.
I know some of you have walked in the same path I have, and its heartbreaking to see others go through that. I know all too well how the heartbreak feels and how the empty arms yearn for that baby you carried.
Thanks so much for the continued support...I hope one day my story has a beautiful happy ending and I can start to see Karolina through her siblings.
I just want you to know that when I read about your journeys I feel like I am right along side you, cheering and rooting for you...so please do not ever feel alone in this path...we are all stuck together:)
Much love and healing vibes to all that need them right now!!
Posted 27 July 2012 - 09:57 AM
I am sat here crying as I listen to the beautiful song you chose and reading your blog. What a wonderful thing you did in her memory. I know she was smiling down at you when you did that for her.
What a precious moment you shared with us by sharing your photo. That little girl was so beautiful and looked like an angel in your arms. I am so sorry you only got a brief moment with her but you will have a lifetime with her memory and the way you have continued on and been a role model for everyone on here speaks volume about the person you are. Thank you for supporting everyone else even when you have been hurting.
Her life was not in vain. The love and experience you have shared with all of us has helped so many of us overcome the grief of losing a child at many stages of pregnancy. From early miscarriage all the way to still born. You have been an amazing role model for many!
Trying to conceive since 2007.
Me: 40 Husband: 39
IUI's completed - 14
IUI's cancelled after starting meds - 3
Miscarriages from IUI's - 5
Surgeries to remove Polyps - 4
You are my angels, my darlings, my stars...and my love will find you, wherever you are.
Posted 28 July 2012 - 09:13 PM
Me: 36 (homozygous MTHFR + heterozygous Factor V Leiden) DH: 40 (slightly low morphology (7%))
May 2006 Natural pg - 1st M/C at 11 wks
Aug 2006 Natural pg - 2nd M/C at 8 wks
Dec 2006 Natural pg - DD born Sept 2007!!!
TTC #2 since Feb. 2009
IUI #1 May 2010 - BFN
IUI #2 June 2010 - BFN
IUI #3 Sept 2010 - BFN
IUI #4 Oct 2010 - BFN
IVF #1 - Long Protocol
Puregon 225iu, ER Feb. 23rd (8 total, 5 fert)
ET Feb. 26th (2x8cell grade 3), no frosties :-(
1st Beta Mar. 11th - 243!!!!
2nd Beta Mar. 14th - 667 :-)
1st u/s Mar. 28th - singleton measuring 6w5d and HB 118...Yippi!
2nd u/s Apr. 12th - no HB...3rd M/C at 9w2d :-(((
IVF #2 - Antagonist protocol
Day 3 u/s showed 14-15 follies
CD 3-6 2x2mg Estrogen daily, CD 6 start 100iu Puregon/75iu Repronex
ER - Aug. 31st, 2011 (12 eggs/10 mature, 9 fert)
ET - Sept. 4th, 2011 (sET grade 2 blast), no frosties :-(
Sept. 10 6dp5dt +HPT :-)))!
Sept. 15 beta = 9 :-(( Chemical Pg
IVF #3 - Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol - Dec. 2011
Estrace, 225 ui Gonal-F/75 ui Repronex
ER - Dec. 29th, 2011 (12 eggs/11 mature, 6 fert)
ET - Jan. 1st, 2012 (two 8 cells, grade 1), 2 frosties :-))
Jan. 8th 7dp3dt +HPT...Please let this be the one!!!
Jan. 13th 12dp3dt Beta 642, 15dp3dt Beta 3112
Feb. 3rd 7w1d u/s - Twins!! HBs 143 + 144
Mar. 9th NT scan (12w1d) - still 2 babies developing perfectly :-))
Our girls were born Sept.7th, 2012 (38 wks 1 day) weighing in at 6 lbs and 6 lbs 12 ounces!!
Posted 29 July 2012 - 12:31 AM
Posted 29 July 2012 - 09:27 AM
premiemom - I do remember talking to you way back when. A year went by so fast, yet for me it was like I blinked and missed it all. I don't even remember some of the holidays to be honest...and I am okay with that, it was a painful year.
You were pregnant last time we spoke right? How did that go? Sorry, I didn't follow you to see how it all played out. Hoping you got that second baby in your arms now and you were able to ward of NICU time!!